ITS OVER a long time ago.. why cant he leave us alone?

[Elle'sMumy]

hello girls and bumps, hope your all doing great (baby dust to all you TTCers!!)..
OK, my story goes back a good few years so im going to try and make it breif..
when i was 15 i was hugely in love with my ex Max, it sounds silly but he meant the world to me until he started getting abusive, i put up with it for just over 3 years and lost my cool and told him to get out of my life after he had me by the neck and i saw what was really in his eyes. after 2months had passed, i still missed him like id lost a big part of something my life.. (even now i think of him but can only hate him for what hes done to us) but i found out i was 19weeks pregnant. he accused me of everything under the sun cheating lying not taking my birth control (which i found out that the "heat rash" i had was really a allergic reaction) USING him for a baby?!! he tried everything and i still wanted him to just see her once and try and love her as i had my dad do exactly the same to me ( i met him last year) i was 7months pg &he pushed me down the stairs Elle was ok he payed off some girls to have me beat he got his parents to call me and tell me to have abortion saying i was ruining his life. i never did a thing wrong to him i took my birth controll pill like clockwork, but was over the moon when i found out i was having my beautiful baby girl. He said hed never love her and shes nothing to him and never will be ...
At the begining of October i asked him to just send her a Birthday card i had death threats him telling me i was a crap mother that im trying to ruin his life i have emails texts letters just saying the most god awful things to rip me up. noone understood how i felt and i couldnt get him off my mind so i moved away and got blessed again im getting married next summer to the most loving gorgeous guy i could ever asked for.
these are some of the comments left on myspace ---
no i aint got half a heart cuz iv given all my heart 2sarah in stead of ur fuckin brat my mum askd u weva u considerd avin an abortion n den u ad major go at er n dat woz fuckin out of orda n she woz only sayin it as an option bt 4 me it woz da rite option n u no it!!! u fink ur such a fuckin hero 4bringin up a kid bt ges wat ur jus another slapper hu ad a kid young hu blames it on da pill not workin ur neva gna b respected 4lookin after a kid u no, every1 gna slate u 4it wen ur stood at da primary skool waitin, all da other mums r gna b laffin u dick so shut up givin it da hero speech its no acheivement avin kid young!! same old shit den y u tellin sarah u stil miss me den hey u fuckin dick ed wel gess wat i dnt miss u 1bit n im glad ur gone jus wished ud shut it wit ur bull shit n actin like every1 m8z u a fuckin slappa!! n i h8 every part of u n elle ur both got nothin goin 4u wats so eva so!!! i dint send elle card cuz i dnt wanna waste my money say wat u want jess ur jus another fuckin loser wit no life in fact y dnt u n elle jus go die do us all a favour!!!! i treat sarah wiv loads mur respect n real love than i eva did u!!! ye i liked u but i neva loved u i neva wantd kids 2geva or marraige, neva even considerd it!!! uv got wot u fuckin wantd out of me n dats elle n i neva want er knowin me eva, u can even tel er in da future dat i dnt care bou er or wantd er cuz dats da truth n if ur a real mum ul tel er dat, u can also throw away n burn nefin dat uv kept 4 elle like hol photos cuz iv destroyd mine, i dnt want er knowin of me!!! no matter wot il neva class elle as mine, i neva wana no er n she so ugly y wud i b proud of dat, wel i aint!!! u n er r nufin 2do wiv me i h8 u, my life is wiv sarah!!! u chose 2 av elle nt me so deal wiv it i want nufin 2do wiv eiva of u eva!!!!! our child, u mean ur child she nufin 2do wiv me!!! stop clingin on 2 sumfin dat aint even dare i want nufin 2do wiv u leave me 2get on wiv my own life, i woz over it years ago!!!!

i just dont understand how someone could be so heartless... im sorry for venting i just needed some women advice and support as i find it hard to talk about .my hubby-to-be is the most loving caring guy ever! hed protect us with his life and Loves Elle as his own im so happy i ended it and moved on it was tough but i have my Mr Right now, so will all you ladies xxxxx

 

[hotluck]

I don't know whether you can block people from myspace, but it's worth trying that. If he still persists elsewhere, then I would go to the police and get a restriction (or whatever it's called) out on him.

From reading what he's put, it sounds like he's no more than 13 years old, at least mentally. Did he ever learn to spell?

You are definitely better off without him, epsecially now that you have someone who loves you and Elle

 

[Louise1973]

Blimey - I really don't know what to say.... as have never been in your situation. He's sounds like a really nasty piece of work.

Sending you big hugs and hope that you are able to banish him from your life as soon as possible

 

[Squiglet]

From reading what he's put, it sounds like he's no more than 13 years old, at least mentally. Did he ever learn to spell?

Well at least one positive thing has come out of it... At least your LO isn't going to ask "him" to help her with her English homework..

Tbh hun, I wouldn't worry about it... keep all his letters and stuff saying he wants nothing to do with your LO... so what when she is old enough to ask questions you can show that to her (as he has suggested) so that she knows.

I will assure you as he grows up and if he has to face Elle as an adult, his bravado might not be as impressive.

But if you are like me and have moved on, found someone else, who treats my daughter as his own, then you have done all that you can.

If I were you, and I was receiving that kind of abuse from my ex, I would send him a very formal letter...using his full name etc, and just say that due to the excessiveness of abusive language contained in his last correspondence, you have decided, as he has requested, to cut all contact with him until such time Elle is 18 years old, where should she so wish, she can contact him directly herself. You are currently in another relationship with someone who is taking responsibility for Elle and that any prolonged contact from your ex in such a matter will be considered aggressive and you will contact either the police or your solicitor on this matter, to prevent further abuse.

Hopefully he will get the message and back off, if not, take all the information you have and go straight to your solicitor or citizens advice bureau with it.

 

[Elle'sMumy]

thankyou so much girls, at a time like this all you need is a good friend to lean on and as iv only been here a year, i have a few friends but they dont understand and just tell me to ignore him which is easier said than done!! i have a lovely collection of emails letters and texts from 2005 till now. as i was in school at the time of all this, my teacher had heard alot of talk and decdided to contact the police, which is not what i wanted.. but it carried on and he got so nasty that i couldnt take it anylonger and had a claim put on him for harassment also the girls who tried to beat me had their phones screened for all the thretening texts i told the police everything even the picture he had sent to all of his friends that he apparently had taken of me in the shower when i was only 15. all of it got dropped nothing done at all because hes the cheifs son.. nice of him to pull strings! i cant do anything and iv totaly given up but i have a happy life i just so stuck on how he can be so cold ??xx

 

[mummykay]

i cant even read what he wrote but its pretty clear he is not fit to be a father! u sound like uv done a fab job of bein a mummy and Elle is very lucky to have u! hugs for u hun, take care of yourself and ur princess

 

[Hypnorm]

Why on earth did you ask him to send a birthday card? thats just adding fuel to his fire.
If i were you just move on have your life - one day he might realise just what he missed. your kid deserves much better than him, at least you are grown up he just sounds like a boy.

 

[Elle'sMumy]

thanks girls for all your replies and actually, hypnorm, i wasnt adding any "fuel" to his fire! this argument started from his friend saying happy bday to Elle who is also my brothers best friend and i asked because my dad abandoned me for 17years of my life.. i know exactly how it feels to never have a birthday or xmas card from some guy who never wanted to know me it killed me all these years i just wanted him to see me now and then and tell me he loved me.. thats why it hurts so much because i know exactly what Elle is going to go through and it hurts even though you pretend it dosnt but it really scars you so whats wrong with asking for a birthday card then???

 

[Tillytots]

thanks girls for all your replies and actually, hypnorm, i wasnt adding any "fuel" to his fire! this argument started from his friend saying happy bday to Elle who is also my brothers best friend and i asked because my dad abandoned me for 17years of my life.. i know exactly how it feels to never have a birthday or xmas card from some guy who never wanted to know me it killed me all these years i just wanted him to see me now and then and tell me he loved me.. thats why it hurts so much because i know exactly what Elle is going to go through and it hurts even though you pretend it dosnt but it really scars you so whats wrong with asking for a birthday card then???

unless someone has been rejected by a parent themselves hunni I dont think sometimes others wont understand your motives. Because of what your ex is doing to Elle it is dragging up your own demons and your past and hurt which must be terrible for you. I cant answer why some people are so heartless and cruel but I do know that they are. Because I could never find it in myself to be that evil I find it hard to accept that other people can. I cant get my head around it either so I understand how you feel. You may never get over it but one day you might accept that people can be twisted and act that way without it being your fault and then you can move on.

I had a look at your bebo and you have a gorgeous family now! You really dont need people like your ex in your daughters life. Like you, it may take her a while to understand why her Daddy didnt want to know but with your love and guidance she will. He sounds like a complete knob and if it was my Dad who had written those things Id be relieved I didnt have to see him.

xx

 

[Elle'sMumy]

thankyou so much for that reply Tillytots. it really helped, and thankyou i have a pretty amazing family xxxxxxxxxx

 

[Tillytots]

thankyou so much for that reply Tillytots. it really helped, and thankyou i have a pretty amazing family xxxxxxxxxx

your welcome chick

x x x x x

 

[mrs_tommo22]

This man is better off out of your life and your little girls, would you really want someone that volotile around your child?

Stay out of it, there are more deserving men out there worthy of you nd your child. Hes not worth it, id peronally be more inclined to call the police then have him near me!

 

[Mandy1978]

Just let him go he doesn't offer you anything besides worries and headaches. Kiss, Mandy

 

[dannii87]

Don't be sorry for venting! We all need to vent now and again and it does sound as though you have a good case to vent about!

Ah men... Why do they insist on making every situation about them and how they're feeling?!

It's incredibly brave of you to continue smiling with baby and comments like that we could all do without.

We're all here for you xx

 

[xJuliex]

hi, id jus like 2 say i know how ur feelin. the guy i'm pregnant to has said exactly the same stuff to me but ya just need to ignore it. he's only saying it because e's so hurt that you're doing fine without him! no one should ever tell you that your baby should die but that just proves how stupid and immaure he is! u don't need him 1 little bit ad you and elle are 1000 times better off without him. just laugh at him and tell him how pathetic he is. the only people you need are the people who love and care for you and your baby will always be there wether he says those horrible things or not. he'll grow up to be a lonely man and soon come running when he knows what he's missing out on but be strong and don't give into him. you did the right thing in keeping your baby as i feel i did aswell and helping make your beautiful child will probably be he only good thing he will ever do in his life!. its his loss definatley not yours hun!
xxxx