Is this normal

Discussion in 'Postnatal Questions' started by liz85, Jan 13, 2019.

  1. liz85

    liz85 Well-Known Member

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    hello everyone!!

    I had my baby 11 weeks ago. Everything is going good apart from the normal things that comes with being a new mother. My husband has got a new job and is working away these next few weeks and then it will be a week in every 5-6.

    Thing is I am ok when he is here with me I have no issues but when he goes away I feel like I’m panicking. I fret for days before he goes and then when he is gone I feel lonely and sad down. I worry constantly about my baby I can’t relax or get a proper sleep. I can’t be bothered eating but I know I have to. My mum comes around in the evenings some nights to help me out as I get over whelmed. However, when he returns I feel myself again. I don’t think my husbands understand why I need so much help at this stage. However I feel that I should accept all help that is offered? Sometimes I feel like a failure if I need someone to come help me in the evenings.

    Anyone been in a similar position any tips?
     
  2. Donna88

    Donna88 Well-Known Member

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    You still have a very new baby; accept the help where it is offered. It's okay for your husband to not understand but he isn't the one who is being left on his own for a week with the baby. Even if you didn't need the help surely he understands you need the company.

    You are not a failure. Don't tell yourself that ever. If you need to talk to someone about how you feel make sure you reach out; having a baby is not easy and the way you feel is normal.
     
  3. liz85

    liz85 Well-Known Member

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    Sometimes I just feel like I should just be able to cope. However it’s 5 sometimes 6 nights away in one week and that’s a lot. My mums happy to help. Sometimes I feel guilty that I can’t be with my son all the time on my own. I need a little helping hand now and again.
    Thanks x
     
  4. Donna88

    Donna88 Well-Known Member

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    Not so long ago in history we used to always have family around helping out with little ones and lots of other cultures do the same. There's really nothing wrong with you having your mum round when your partner isn't there. As much as we love our children most of us would go a little mad if we were with them on our own all the time.

    I know someone who has a 5 year old but when her partner works away her mum will come over to help out. It's not about how old your children are or how happy you are spending time with them. Having someone help out and an adult to talk to can work wonders. I'm sure if your mum didn't come around you would cope absolutely fine; but why should you have to if you're happy and your mum is happy with the situation how it is. X
     
  5. Kholl

    Kholl Well-Known Member

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    So much of this has to do with hormones. When my husband went back to work I was so panicky and upset about it I actually WENT TO WORK with him (with the baby, of course!) and just sat there at a booth while he worked his shift (he was a bar manager at a restaurant). It's so normal - so much of it is the hormonal edge you have after having a baby. And we aren't meant to be alone with our babies; we are supposed to be caring for our babies with a house full of family cooking, cleaning, checking in on us. This is such a profound and fundamental shift in our lives and YES, how you feel is 100% normal and exactly what I feel after each baby, too.
     
  6. liz85

    liz85 Well-Known Member

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    Thanks ladies. He is away again this morning and I’m back to the same old anxious state. I’m just going to accept any help offered. I thought by this stage I’d have a bit more confidence being left alone x
     
  7. MissKW

    MissKW Well-Known Member

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    I know the lonely feeling as my husband works away most of the time too. It's like being a single mum but with financial and mental support.
    I actually prefer it alone in ways as I can stick to a routine and everything gets done easily, but when he's around the routine goes to pot and it's harder for me. I have always done night feeds and nappies as hubby has to sleep for work as when he's here he's up as early as 3am. The only thing I struggle with sometimes is the loneliness.
    However to combat this I will visit parents, grandparents, siblings etc and go out for the morning or something every so often and it gives me that bit of a break. Even just going out of the house for a little walk with him in the pram for a change of scenery is nice.
    I have never wanted help (apart from parents will take me and DS food shopping when hubby is away), as I like doing it myself and like DS with me as much as possible, but he's a very easy baby and I exclusively breastfeed so he needs me around anyway. I have only just started allowing people to have him alone for an hour or so and he's just turned 10 months lol.
    Don't be ashamed to ask for help if you need it, if people are willing to help that's fantastic, sometimes we do need a little break, not necessarily away from our babies but to get out the house or to just sit and watch someone else entertain them for an hour.
    Try not to worry so much though, you will be just fine on your own, trust your instincts and do what you have done the the last 11weeks :)
     
  8. liz85

    liz85 Well-Known Member

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    Thank you it is hard isn’t it but I’m the same as you. I actually have a better routine on my own than when my husband is around lol he comes home after being away and all my routine goes out the window. I’m feeling better about him being away now the more the weeks go by. When people make me my dinner I gratefully accept it lol
     

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