In Laws!!

Discussion in 'Third Trimester' started by K X, Dec 16, 2005.

  1. K X

    K X Well-Known Member

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    Ladies I need some advice. My OH is from Derbyshire, his parents live there still, he relocated to Edinburgh to live with me. That's the background.

    Since I found out i was pregnant I have had no congratulations or nothing. my mum has been a gem, bought the pram and loads of other stuff. they asked what they could get, and we said a cot-OH mum hit the roof and was saying it's expensive. Please bear in mind, his parents are high flyers both with own businesses, my mum is on her own-works but is no where near as well off as them, but does not grudge buying anything. Afterall this is their first grandchild but my mums 2nd. I thought it was common for one set of parents to buy the pram, and the others the cot. Please note I am not materialistic, I just find their whole tight attitude offensive. All we have had from them is 1 pack of baby gro's even then my OH had to tell them to buy something.

    What topped it all off was last night, me and Dale got engaged on 3/12/05 had engagement cards from everyone else and not from them. Dale pulled them up and they said that we weren't getting one as we weren't having a party. A party when we are due a baby in January and are spending money like no tomorrow on her arrival!! Don't think so.

    So I went madat Dale, shouting and swearing saying he should be telling them straight to buck up their ideas, then I broke down in tears and couldn't stop. Why are they being like this and not sharing the joy of the first grand daughter in the family?

    Sorry for the long story, there is a million other things I could tell. I just feel really low about it all, especially when they are coming up to stay tomorrow for the weekend!

    :cry:
     
  2. Skidoo

    Skidoo Well-Known Member

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    I didn't know there were any 'rules' about what each set of parents is expected to buy for thier grandchild. It's my parents 1st grandchild and his parents 4th (my OH has 2 kids already and his sister has one). My OH's mum promised us a moses basket and stand, but then got all pissy when a freind gave us their basket after their baby grew out of it. My parents haven't bought anything at all yet. I have at least had congrats from both sides though.

    Your OH's parents may yet surprise you. I'd wait and see if they bring anything or make any offers while they are visiting. Did you have much of a relationship with them before you got pregnant? It's just possible that it's taking a while for it to sink in for them; seeing you in full sail may bring it home to them.
     
  3. Sarah W Baby Belly

    Sarah W Baby Belly Well-Known Member

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    I must say that my mum is getting the Cot and the DH's parents have offered to get the buggy, but I think it has just accidentally worked out that way. I don't think there are any rules as such.

    Both sets of our parents are equally excited and have bought lots of little things as well.
     
  4. Tara & Liam

    Tara & Liam Well-Known Member

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    Oh K X, please dont blame Dale (hope you dont mind me using his name).

    At the end of the day you cant be responsible for your parents. maybe they are being like that as they feel that youve stolen their son, stupid i know.

    My mum and mother in law are fine so ive got no problems with them, in fact they cant do enough. my mum bought joshua his pram and my mil bought him a high chair and here we are again asking for the same two things (dont ask why we didnt keep joshua's).

    So either they are going to do what Skidoo said and surprise you with a load of things OR they are the type of people that only like to be seen giving things when theyve got a big audience, ie a party, then they would probably show off with what they brought you. does that make sense.

    x
     
  5. Layla

    Layla Well-Known Member

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    sorry to hear your in laws are being like this.

    this is my 3rd child and Jases first, we have both brought everything ourselfs, i knew my family wouldnt offer as they have lots of grandkids already (i have 4 sisters), jases family have a grandson already and did offer to get us things but we said no.

    Familes, wether blood or in laws can be really harsh at times, they dont think aqbout the affects tehre actions have on you, esp at this time with hormones running about etc, i have learnt this myself a few weeks ago, after speaking to teh girls on here and to jase i have relised that outside family doesnt matter as much as my own family does.
    you have Dale who sounds great, and a baby girl on teh way, they are your family now hun, enjoy them :)

    I know its hard not to get teh suport you want and need from other family members, it can be dissapointing ang hurt, but dale and your baby will always love and be there for you.

    xxx
     
  6. K X

    K X Well-Known Member

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    Thanks for your advice ladies. However I didn't mean there were "rules" as such as to what grandparents bought, but up here it is very typical for one to buy one thing and the other to buy the other things.

    I may have come across all wrong in my message, and a bit materialistic, but she didn't even bother phoning to find out how we got on at a scan where we were finding out if our baby had a hereditory heart condition from her side that unfortunatley ended up her loosing a baby at 3 days old. There is so much, too much to tell.

    Davina, you've hit it on the nail about me taking her son away. That's exactly what my mum said, and Dale is the baby of the family.

    Perhaps when I am older I will understand, but for the time being I find the attitude heartless. Maybe my hormones on over drive! xx
     
  7. Tara & Liam

    Tara & Liam Well-Known Member

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    funny enough my sister in law, when she first got together with her hubby, his parents thought that she was the demon bitch from hell. after loads of conflict, leaving the grandparents not seeing their grandson for 5 years, (and then only because my nephew wanted it) they met up and they all love each other now.

    the other side of it is that my nephew is now 12 with a healthy interest in girls and guess who hates it, yep my sister in law. especially as the girls send piccies via msn.

    x
     
  8. K X

    K X Well-Known Member

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    Well again I am p*ssed off with them. It's my birthday on Xmas Eve and Dale and mum still have a lot to do and buy in, inevitably this is the last weekend to do it. They were expected up at noon today, but Dale phoned last night and asked if they could leave it til tea time, and guess what his mum said, oh just leave it we will see you in January when the baby is born. I don't think so!

    How nasty is that! Only asked them to delay leaving a couple of hours! Sorry for the moan but I am finding this all rather upsetting.xx
     
  9. Tara & Liam

    Tara & Liam Well-Known Member

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    K X

    the best thing to do is just forget about them. you know that they are ignorant sons of ****** (pregnancy rant). Dont let them bother you. just concentrate on you and your family now.

    if i had been you i would have just whatever down the telephone.

    i know it is tempting not to let them see baby when he / she is born, but try not to stoop down to their level. just smile sweetly and just grit your teeth. hard to do, i know but you are better then them hun.

    x
     

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