In a sticky wicket

[Kimbo]

My best mate is called sam, we've been best friends for 16 years and since the day we met we became inseperable.
We've done everything together, always there for each other.. she's the person where all my memories, laughs etc lie with. the first person who found out i was pregnant etc.
And she's absolutely gorgeous.. proper stunning.. me jealous? never

Then I got pregnant... it slowly started drifting apart and I hardly saw her.
Then after Leah was born, she was the one who took me on my first night out (didn't end up enjoying it though, missed leah too much and wanted to come home!) but she started seeing us both more and treating Leah.
We started to meet up every monday when she was off work.
Then about 3 months ago she met a new fella, so again it started drifting apart.. I understood, cos he was a new boyfriend and you want to spend time with them etc.
Then we were texting one night , just general chitchat and she mentioned that she's opening up a new beauty salon, so i wished her good luck etc.
That was 7 weeks ago, since then Ive heard nothing.
I know she's still with her boyfriend as he lives near Leah's dad and Ive seen her car outside the house a few times.
With us being best friends for 16years, naturally she's going to be Leahs godmother, and i said she could be.
But now Im having second thoughts.
She's the sort of person who will click her fingers and i will go running to her (my fault for being soft probably), and Ive been counting the weeks since the last text.. but I didnt want to be the one who made contact first cos it's always that way.

Then last night I go a text - "hiya hun, sorry not been in contact ive been really busy with the shop. hows u n leah, whens the christening again? missed u x"

ok so she's missed me... she's been busy with the shop... but a text takes less than 2 minutes to send. Did she not have time in 7 weeks???
I haven't replied yet/... don't know if i should.
I knew she would get in contact before the christening (2 weeks away) cos she wants to be godmother... so its like she only gets in contact when she wants something.

Now what i don't know what to do is let her be godmother or not.
Becky on the other hand (leah's soon-to-be-stepmum!) has been fantastic.. treating leah as she treats Libby. She buys her allsorts, even nappies & juice/yoghurts.
Please help... what would you do?

 

[Jade&Evie]

I'm crap at replying to texts and stuff- when you are really busy it doesn't cross your mind.

Like you say you've known her for years- you've only known Becky a matter of weeks and she'll still have a role in Leah's life as 'step-mum'

 

[Bexie]

I wouldn't rule out Sam being Leah's god mother, you've been friends for years and both your lives are moving along in different directions, but that dosen't mean she loves you or Leah any less.

I've got two best friends, one living in Canada who I speak to once every 6 weeks and another who lives in Liverpool who I speak to less, but we e-mail eachother, but I know they will always be my best buds, as I have a lot of history with them. Like Jade&Evie said some people (espicially) when busy just don't get round to texting, but that doesn't mean that they are not thinking about you. I think of my two friends all the time, I'm just useless at keeping in contact with them both and they me!!

Think as well, Sam might be thinking why haven't you sent her a text for a while.

Just remember the history you've shared together and all the fun you've had on the way (Also think of all the free beauty treatments you can get )

 

[happy-chick]

Ive spoken to you about this loads of times, always seems she lets you down

If you or Leah needed her then would she be there if you asked? If yes then i'd have her as godmother as you know that she would be there. Sounds like shes busy, its no excuse at all though and she should get in contact and not just leave that to you... could you maybe tell her how u feel?

As far as Becky is concerned, could you ask her to do a reading at the christening? I bet she'd be over the moon that you'd asked her and it will make Leah's day just that little bit more special?

Good luck whatever you decide xxxx

 

[xxsammyxx]

Hi, dont make the mistake i did... i had my mate who i had known for absolutely years, went out with, supported her and she supported me etc etc, has already got 2 kids so she is experienced, lived close by... perfect really. I was really close to her but bit by bit we seemed to drift apart. She was really busy with her kids, started meeting up with other people (normally other mums who had kids the same age as hers) and before long i never saw her at all unless i bumped into her in the street!!! She is my DD's godmother yet she never sends her a birthday card, present, same with xmas. I know i could never depend on her now to act out her Godmother role if ever i needed her to and i regret it deeply. It just goes to show just however much you think you know someone they can always change. I would stick with the other option if were because at least she is committed and reliable and genuinely seems to care and seems more stable and suitable if you want my opinion. If your friend cannot even be arsed to type out a quick text taking 2 minutes and costing 10p then i dont think you can rely on her to take on this important role to be honest. There is no excuse for not emailing, short phone call even if its hi and bye or a text... its excuses cos she cant be bothered basically! Just be careful... i dont want you regreting it like i did. Good luck

 

[Laura_James&Amber]

I don't really have any advice but didn't like to read and run so giving you lots of these instead

 

[leckershell]

Just me that thinks you should give her another chance then

Meet up with her again before the christening and make up your mind then... the 'step mum' already has a role in Leah'slife so I don't see why she would need to be godmother too. As well, this other friend has known you a lot longer... you don't have that same thing with the new girl...

I'd either go with the old faithful or go with none at all and decide godmother at a later, more stable date rather than picking the current flavour of the week... if you know what I mean

 

[Slinky Sarah]

dont you get to have 2 godmothers and a god father anyway?

I dont know what to sugest really...like everyone else has said Becky is her step mum so kinda is in the role of looking after her already if you know what i mean.

Entirely up to you chick but i would just meet her again ans tell her how you feel about it all with her and see what happens

 

[nori]

This is a difficult.. Men and woman are so different, men can go months or even years without speaking yet still be as close as ever when they meet up and dont think anything of it. Woman seem to always need that contact. She may just have a lot on but someone elses response said she is always letting you down so without knowing the ins and outs its hard to say.

I think you just need to ask yourself one question.. "if you really needed her in an emergency, would she be there for you?" If the answer to that is yes then i'd stick with her.

Good luck and let us know what you decide!

Claire x

 

[pilkers]

We chose people who are close by but having said that my longest best friend lives down south and we don't keep in touch as often as we should because of work, families etc I but I'd have no hesitation in having her as a godparent next time though because even though we don't speak every week when we do speak it's like we've never been apart iykwim

I think the idea of Becky doing a reading is great. It's entirely up to you who you have as Leah's godparents and if you choose no to pick your friend and she falls out with you because of it then in my opinion she isn't a true friend

 

[mamichuli]

Hun, I think I might have a solution for you. Why not have them both? There is no reason why a baby cannot have two godmothers and one godfather, it is simply not traditional now, but used to be common among the nobility...we all know that Leah is special!
Why not speak to your vicar/priest/whatever (dont know what your beliefs are) I know this is possible in christian religions and I think kings, queens, princesses and the like still have more than one pair...about six or eight I think. In fact I seem to remember that for a girl it was right to have two godmothers and one godfather and for the boys the reverse, two godfathers and on godmother, but that might just be me getting it wrong!

Hope this helps, if it isnt a solution, go with your feeling...I do think that Sam has been around most of your life and will probably stick around. Some people are just like that, you need to be the one to call them, never the reverse. Doesnt mean they love you less, they are just made up that way. On the other hand, Becky will be her stepmum and have a VERY important role in her life anyway.

Lotsa hugs and hope the christening is really lovely for you



Lisa

 

[HideiLu]

I have lots of friends that I just see on occasionaly lunch dates.

I myself also set up my own business last year, and it can be very hectic, even though it takes 2 mins to send a text, it can sadly seem bottom of your list, or just keep thinking, oooh i must do that today, and then it gets sideline until the next day when you're thinking the same. I ended up adding notes to myself to call friends/family on my to do lists, diary, calendar etc as I just couldn't keep up with it.

I say try and have a catch up with her, and then see how you feel. There are no rules against having more than one godmother either, it's your own choice though

 

[abcd1234]

Not sure where your having her christened but i was told we could have as many godparents aswe like.

I choose a friend to be Tally's as shes been around for 16 years and has been great since i had her, i seriously hope she'll continue to be, i also choose her Auntie from her dads side as i wanted them to know i want them in her life even though he isnt.

It'd up to you but i would appear to me that part of the reason shes contacted you is to make sure she gets to be godmother.

Maybe you should meet up and have a chat, let her know that if she's going to be Leah's godmother she has to be there for her.

I wouldn't rule her out fully but i have a friend who has ditched us too, but it's been my choice not to allow her backmin as she only ever contacted me for her own gain, to gossip, or for lifts etc

 

[trixipaws]

i kno how upsetting it is when girl friends are like that

one girl whom had been VERY close to me and my boyf hadnt seen her since my boyf's 29th birthday (around the time i got pg!) and i txt her last year when millie was about 4 months old and she called me gushing telling me how much she'd missed us and how excited she was to meet millie, and that she'd come visit us that weekend. her last words to me on the fone were "i love u". but she stood me up she didnt reply to my text, or my boyf's. i left it for months then and sent one saying something like "the ball is in ur court, i rele value ur friendship, but this is my last txt coz i dnt wanna feel like im stalking u" and no reply so i deleted her number.

she wasnt even a twat or anything she's a really amazing girl and i still pine for her loads

idk how strongly u feel for this girl but if u still love her then i'd say still let her be godmother. u can hav two anyway is that right so becky can still be one also?

just do whatever u feel deep down is what u want- whomever u want as godparents choose them- u dont even need "reasons" or anything just if ur heart tells u that u want a certain person to hav that honour then pick them, even if u cant even put ur finger on what makes u want them. deep down there will be a reason!

 

[Urchin]

If she's been your best mate for 16 years I think you should be able to ask her round, sit her down and tell her how you feel.
If she makes more effort after that, then you know she really is your friend, if not, then pick someone else.

I know what its like to be the busy friend who hardly ever is the first one to text certain mates, it doesn't mean I don't like them, it just means I am busy. If they told me they were worried I was ignoring them I would make more effort.

 

[Kimbo]

thanks for the replies everyone.
sorry i completely forgot about this thread
i decided to stick to sam, you were all right about Becky becoming Leah's stepmum one day, plus to be honest, I hardly know Becky!
I was just mad and missing Sam
But anyway the christening was brilliant (pics are in pics section ) and sam has certainly made it up to me since then
i only needed to be in her company for 5 minutes and we were back to normal, no tension between us.
thanks for the advice