I'm scared. **Updated with fertility appointment**

[MissJuly10]

Hi ladies...

I don't want to go into dramatics but I've got two sleeps left til my appointment and I'm actually terrified.

It's a mix of feeling scared, excited, confused and happy all at the same time! I guess the reality is hitting me that we're going to see a "proper" doctor and hopefully get some help in getting pregnant.

I've been on my own all afternoon as DH's been out and I've been thinking a lot about Tuesday's appointment...What we'll say, what will the doctor ask, will he do a scan or just prescribe something, will it take a long time to get somewhere?

In between thinking through different possible outcomes, I've been browsing Facebook and noticed all the girls I went to school with who are having their second babies or are pissed off that they've fallen pregnant and the FOB has buggered off or whatever.... It frustrates me that I'm on the other side of the screen and having to go clinical for my baby.

I'm 21 years old and I'm having help with my fertility.

I hate how bratty and OTT that might sound but I don't think I looked at it that way before. It was more "I'm married, the time feels right for a baby, let's get cracking" without even thinking of the additional bits to TTC.

I'm scared it won't work.

I'm scared DH will go through all the pressures and stresses of fertility stuff he went through with his previous partner. I don't want to put him through that again.

On the other hand, I feel really excited that it WILL work, we'll fall pregnant and I'll be thinking "oh feck, what have we done?" I've had 2 dreams this week of me having a baby girl, both felt so real and I wondered whether it was a sign. I know I need to be realistic but I can't help it. Doesn't everyone in LTTTC dream of their babies?

I don't want to expect too much from my gyno appointment, I know I won't walk away from it pregnant (wish it was that easy!) but I'm going to throw a tonne of PMA at it!

Sorry for the pointless thread, not expecting replies but I just needed to empty my brain of these thoughts, they've been swimming around for hours.


x x

 

[ScotchEgg]

Hey honey, I was absolutely bricking it when I went to the private appointment, and I feel much the same about our referral to the fertility clinic. The private appointment was great though and although I got to the door and wanted so badly to turn away (because walking away from it means it's not true and we don't actually need help) I'm so glad I went in. The doctor was lovely and I came out feeling more positive than ever. It's really really scary, but it's really really going to be ok. The anticipation is far worse than the real thing could ever be.

I know what you mean about age too. I'm plenty older than you, but still only mid-late twenties and the media has told us it's only older mums who have problems so why the hell are we? My friends have just started getting married and they all seem to announce pregnancies within 6 months and we've been married forever and are nowhere near.

Big hugs, but you're not going to need them as it'll all go fine and it'll just be one step closer and it'll never be as scary as you are scared right now.

Plus we're all here for you

 

[MissJuly10]

Thanks Scotch. x

Totally know what you mean about turning away means it's not true, think that's what I've been doing somewhere in my sub-conscious and that's why everything's hitting me now lol. Reality is setting in!

Thanks again, I really appreciate your kind words.

x x

 

[LouiseB]

Hiya MissJ

I think it's bound to play on your mind a lot. I've had many a restless night sleep with all the thoughts swirling around my mind.

I'd never thought about in terms of "going clinical" before. I don't really like that phrase. It sounds as if the process is without emotion and somehow degrading.

As if you've already failed.

What you are going through requires strength and determination and the situation might have been forced upon you, but i think it speaks volumes about just how committed you are to your relationship and just how great you will be as parents.

I think it reflects more positively on you than negatively

You'll go in there and whatever the doctor has to say, you'll deal with it just fine

I had a dream last night too!

It was soooo real. I took a pregnancy test to make sure i wasn't pregnant because the drugs i start on can cause problems, and it came back positive!

So i went to the doctors and they said that not only was i pregnant but i was a few months gone and i needed an ultrasound and during it i pointed out that it was a girl!

I was so confused trying to figure out how i'd gone through IVF and had periods and been pregnant all along but we were both so very happy.

Then i woke up and i really hard to realise it was just a dream

I've got tonnes of PMA for your MissJ - i can't wait for you to get a sticky BFP

 

[wiganlass2010]

I wish you all the luck in the world that you get your bfp soon and i hope everything goes well at yr docs appointment xx

 

[laurat]

I know how you feel Miss J but once you have been for the appointment and feel like your getting somewhere its a good feeling! Hope it all goes well! Xxx

 

[Princess81]

Sometimes people just need that little bit of help. No way I'd ever have got pregnant without help, it's all worth it in the end. When you are pregnant it'll be so precious xx

 

[Nurse 26]

Can totally understand why your scared hun but it will be ok! You are taking the first steps to get diagnosed and treated and although that's scary its exciting too, good luck on tue, keeping my fingers crossed that it goes well for you. X x

 

[cosmicgirl]

All the luck in the world missj, you're one step closer to your bfp xx

 

[kirstymichelle]

Ah Miss J all the best and don't be scared , it's a step in the right rection to your baby x x

 

[MissJuly10]

Thanks everyone. x x

Louise - Ah, I don't like the term 'going clinical' either - I wrote it when I was in a bit of a narked mood at the Facebook stuff - how silly is that? Lol. The dreams are bittersweet eh? I hate how real they feel and then that awful feeling when you wake up and realise it was just a dream. x x

Thanks for all the replies, I guess there are times in the TTC journey that we know we're not alone but we feel like we are - I felt a bit like that last night.

I can't wait for tomorrow cos I want to hear what the doc is going to do, I will update you all as soon as I can, not sure if DH is off tomorrow, if he is then I have no idea when I will be on next as this week is mega busy but will try and get on somehow.

Thanks again ladies, you're all amazing.

x x

 

[tinselcat]

Hey miss j

Good luck for your appointment tomorrow. Look on the bright side - at least you're only 21 and have plenty of time on your side

Xx

 

[MissJuly10]

Thanks Tinsel. x x

I probably should look at it that way but the negative side of me seems to take over a bit! I guess in hindsight, what I said about my age might have been insensitive of me, I do apologise if I did offend anyone? x x

 

[1986princess]

best of luck hun and im sure this appt will get u pregnant quicker as u will be on ur way with the best advice possible, fingers crossed for you xx

 

[Esperanza84]

Hi MissJ! I totally understand you but you will be so relieved when you get some answers!!! When I had acepted the fact that we might need help and that this would take time, I started to imagine that maybe, maybe, if I were lucky, I would get pregnant in 2012....and a couple of weeks later I had fallen pregnant..

I'm sure you'll be fine!!! Will be thinking of you!!

xx

 

[Olive]

Good luck MissJ. I hope tmrw goes well will be thinking of you.xx

 

[MissJuly10]

Thanks ladies. x x

I'm actually hoping for a 2012 baby, I've even had a dream I had a baby (must have been only a few weeks old) at Christmas, so I really hope it's a sign! Probably got my expectations way too high but I want to smother my cycle in PMA lol. x x

 

[ScotchEgg]

Hi honey, you're going to do great tomorrow, will be thinking of you xxx

 

[LouiseB]

Good luck for tomorrow MissJ xx

 

[Samsgirl]

good luck for tomorrow lovely xx