Im in a pathetic predicament.

Discussion in 'Discounts, Deals & Freebies' started by jacquidube, Jul 25, 2005.

  1. jacquidube

    jacquidube Well-Known Member

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    Im having baby number 2 to my husband whom Ive been married to for 3 and a half years. The problem is is that he is from Zimbabwe and we have been waiting almost 4 years to hear from immigration to make a decision on his stay in the UK. He has and was very abusive to me just over a year ago so there is a history of domestic violence. The police were called each time. Now immigration have been in touch with me and told me that they will be refusing his application, which means that they may well have him deported. After all the hassle I have had with him since I married him.....Im glad really. He has never worked or paid me any money and I have looked after him financially....everything he wanted I have given him. He never even bought me a wedding ring and he even paid his cousin to sign the register at the registrar. Something tells me this man has used me to get British citizenship. I loved him to bits even when he had 2 affairs while i was 7 months pregnant. I forgave him. I do not know what to do. I will be a single mum and I wont even be able to get no money for this baby off him ever. Sorry to go on. This site is wonderful and I felt I could let off steam to you good people.
    It happens but I didnt expect it to happen to me.
    Jacqui.
     
  2. minikins

    minikins Well-Known Member

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    Hi ya,

    We all need to have a moan and I think yours is well needed.

    Sorry you are in this situation, this is not your fault, you did not ask for this.

    Do you work? There are all sorts of benefits you may be entitle to with or without him, the job centre or Citizens Advice are a great place to start during reasearch - you will get something I am sure of it!

    You are totally better off without him I think anyone who commits domestic violence should be deported, at least you won't have him harassing you and he sounds like he is not a good kind of person to have around a child, so it's good if he does go away.

    You will work it out babe !

    keep us posted, hope my advice kinda helped !

    x
     
  3. melanieyeah

    melanieyeah Well-Known Member

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    hes no good for you and both you and your children are better off this way.. he should never hurt you!
    You will manage alone hun, there are so many women who bring up children alone, and they all do just fine, you can claim certain benefits etc and if housing becomes a problem the council will provide you with a decent home for you and your children for cheap. You should have left him when he had the affairs, thats when it all starts. You having him back makes him think he is invincible, that unfortunatley even means even when he hurts you etc, he thinks you will let him. he is no good for you, i am glad for your sake he is being deported. You will cope honey i promise.. take it one baby step at a time. xxxxx
     
  4. Manda

    Manda Well-Known Member

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    Sorry to hear what you're going through hun, but it does sound like it's for the best and you finally get rid of this [email protected][email protected] can't believe what he's put you through.

    you are entitled to so much help, do you have a mortgage or do you rent? if you rent you will be entitled to help with your rent, council tax you'll get a single parent allowance plus other things, if i were you i would pay citizens advice a visit they will be able to tell you what you will get.

    Also dont want to worry you, but i wouldn't let him have the kids on his own just in case he does try to take them with him, not sure if you can get some order out to keep him away. This is just siomething i've thought of because of stories i've read in papers about people not being able to get their kids back when they've been taken to a different country.
    Sorry i've just written that but it would be better to prevent this than fight to get your kids back later.

    Good luck to you and hope everything works out x x
     
  5. -Cat-

    -Cat- Well-Known Member

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    Hi Jacqui,
    Having been a victim of domestic violence in the past I can understand some of what you must me going through. It sounds to me like you have made the decision now that you do not which to be with your husband. when the police got in tough with you before did they refer you to victim support?
    My mother is the Manager of a branch here in Norwich and I have done voluntry work for them, they are there to help you. If you do not wish to be with your husband and you want to have your children away from him they can get you out of there and put you in alternative accomodation immediatly and he neednt know where you are, so you need no further contact with him yourself. They can arrange for you to go into council housing even.
    Have a think about what is best for you and your children, and good luck in what ever you decide. Although things may seem awfull now you will get through this, trust me, Im a survivor and now my life couldnt be better!!
    Feel free to give victim support a call and have a confidential chat to discuss your options.

    Take care babe xx
     

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