Im fúcked off today. Im resentful and angry at the people who have hurt me the most, my mum and dad. My bloody mum has always been a constant source of anger for me, she put me in care at 11 cos she was a shit parent who couldnt cope with me, I was a bit of a messed up kid but my nan dying triggered that. She beat the shit out of me if i didnt behave myself. I hate her so much. I tried to get a relationship up with her a few uears ago and it all ended up in tears. So shes been out of my life for a couple of years now. My dad, well he went when i was just a baby and he tried to visit but the bitch wouldnt let him. I didnt meet him till i was 11 nd that was at a social services meeting that was determining whether i should stay in care or not - I said at that meeting i wanted too becausei wadsnt having my mum beat me anymore. I went to stay with him once and I felt uncomfortable because i felt his wife was watching me the whole time, i was 11. They had two children as well by this time.It was weird getting to know a father i had dreamt of for years. And even now at 24 i long for my dad, I dream of him alot and just wish we could talk - I ballsed things up a few years ago and stopped speaking to him cos of something he said. But it shouldnt of stopped me contacting him. I wrote to him 4 months ago to let him know of imogens birth,it was of this time i started having dreams about him which made me want to contact him. But here we are four months on no contact, ive wrote him a letter tewlling him im angry at him and a email to say he wants nothing to with me would be better then nothing. I dont expect replied im just venting and crying, I hate the cards i was dealt with sometimes. My life has been so crap, im just glad i have kids and tommo.