I'm a mess

Discussion in 'Coping with Miscarriage & Loss' started by sasswa, Jul 7, 2005.

  1. sasswa

    sasswa Well-Known Member

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    Hi everyone,

    it's been nearly 3 weeks now since I miscarried.

    I really thought I was over it after taking the week off work....first week back was difficult. Unfortunately, I found myself hating my job (which I still do), I want to go home to Australia, now I'm starting to not want to eat, I'm sick and tired of crying. I stopped showing any emotion in front of husband as he was over it (well I think he is) and he couldn't understand I wasn't. He doesn't want to start trying again until we migrate back to Oz (looking like January)......depression has seriously stepped in. I feel like running away even from him and giving up.

    It makes me angry - I had a screaming fit on Monday, had to go home from work coz I couldn't handle it. Why the F*** me!!! Why did all my big dreams come shattering apart and ruining all my plans for the future. Why should I have to be strong, just because other women have been through all this before.

    I am seeing the doctor on Monday, I see that some therapy and anti-depressants may help. Once I'm over this hurt and anger I know I'll be ready to move on.....right now though, I can't and I don't feel like it.

    Is this just me or has anyone else felt this bad and not said anything?

    S
     
  2. LucyBee

    LucyBee Well-Known Member

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    I totally understand and have been through the same thing. I think it's all part of the grieving process. I'm so sorry that you're feeling so low. You will come out of the other side and then you can focus on the fact that you know now you can get pg and start ttc again.
    I m/c 4 weeks ago now. My sister-in-law has gone in to labour and that set me off crying on the train on the way in to work this morning.
    I think it takes a long while to recover both physically and mentally.
    Don't be too hard on yourself. I think the way you're feeling is to be expected. You are grieving and that's ok.
    Let me know if you want a chat.
    I'm thinking about you.
    Lucyx
     
  3. HayleyB

    HayleyB Well-Known Member

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    I've been the same, its now 4 weeks since i m/c'd.
    And although i sometimes manage to put a smile on, most of the time I can feel the tears and anger and stuff building up, and stuff like the washing up building up makes me shout and cry!!!
    I feel so bad cos poor Graham gets all the bad stuff!!!

    I saw the doctor on monday just gone cos I was worried and he's started me back on Prozac, so at the moment i'm just feeling pretty numb!!!

    I've decided that I want to wait till the new year before we start trying to concieve, but I can see it in graham's eyes that he wants to start trying again now... but i can't put my body through it yet, i'm too scared and hurting too much inside!!!

    Lots of Love to you, I wish there was something to say to take the pain away for you xxxxx
     
  4. catsenses

    catsenses Active Member

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    i just want to say to you all im sorry your going through a hard time just now
    they say time time is a great healer and it takes time
    i know how you are feeling as i went through same thing in 03
    and it took me over a year to get over it
    so im thinking about you all
    take care
    cat
     
  5. sasswa

    sasswa Well-Known Member

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    And the morning I wrote that was the bombings. That was the icing on the cake for me. Working in West London and trying to get out was a LONG walk.

    Saying that, I had 3 good hours of thinking time and having to just get on with the task at hand. Still seeing doc on Mon but husband doesn't know. He doesn't work in London so he's been as helpful as a broken down washing machine......I really, really can't stand him at the moment.

    Lucy, It'd be great to have a chat. I'll PM you soon......

    Thank you girls.....

    Love Sass
    x
     
  6. chocolatestarfish

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    Dear Sass,

    I can identify with your emotions in more ways than one, I am also Australian living in the UK. My English husband and I moved back there last year (Cairns), though I'm from Sydney, and I had been TTC for nearly 2 years. Within a month of a new life out there I'd concieved only to miscarry at 11 weeks, my husband was very unsupportive. And to make matters worse I was feeling very homesick for the UK (and my job was'nt what I had expected it to be), lots of disappointment!!

    I made the mistake of telling people at work/family I was pregnant, I was so excited becuase it had taken so long - having to tell people your not anymore, and having to smile at their well meaning platitudes, etc. Miscarriage can break a relationship, this is due to the fact that men are
    so different than us - they don't get us & we don't get them! We are now back in the UK as I concieved more or less immediately after my D&C, and as my husbands work visa had not come through, we decided to return as of course you are probably aware - there is no maternity pay in OZ. It must also be hard going through this without your family near.

    Keep your chin up! Email me anytime!

    Lots of love
     

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