"if it happens, it happens"

[jtw17]

Evening! Sorry to be a grump but I wanted to get some advice share with you the most upsetting comment I'm currently getting from supposedly supportive family members. If I hear it one more time I might have to scream. Can anybody offer any coping tips?

We've been trying for about 5 months now. Early days, I know. Im 24 and I have pcos but regular periods. Hubby is going for a sample test - but when he went to drop it off last week the lab hadn't got the gp's referral and they refused it. The poor guy had carried a tub of his little soldiers all the way to the hospital in his pocket only to be turned away, hah! Anyway. It seems like everyone I know is getting pregnant, including the teenage daughters of colleagues who didn't even want a baby. It's driving me mad. My GP doesn't even seem concerned yet and says they wouldn't think about referring me until at least a year TTC, even with the pcos.

As I said, regular periods, and last month was the worst as I had some spotting and cramps about 6DPO and allowed myself to get my hopes up. Can anybody relate to this? I'm having a really hard time and just can't accept the "if it happens, it happens" mentality because I can't bear think about it never happening for us.

Love and baby dust to all xxx

 

[MrsLaw]

Hiya

Im 27, and Im also on my 5th month of trying, so i understand why you may feel grumpy. I think it's early days to think something is up, but then again I've been researching how i get scans and bloods done so i can't really talk lol. I don't know if i have pcos or anything nor does my oh know how good his soldiers are.

I know that when it happens it happens....however it MUST happen, and it MUST happen ASAP. There is no NOT happening allowed. That's my motto.

Good luck TTC x

 

[snowbee]

I hate that sort of throw away comment. Usually said by people who have had no issues. I'm 34. I've got pcos. We are in year 4 ttc our first child. I'm sick to death of all the stupid comments. We have had two natural pregnancies that both ended in mc. I'm now on clomid, cycle 6 and this is my last chance. I'm pretty bitter about the whole ttc process and I'm finding it hard to see a way forward now. I was so hopeful that the clomid would do for us what I can't seem to do by myself and now I'm struggling to accept that it may not.

 

[Sparklegirl]

People who use silly thoughtless comments like that have no idea how difficult it is when TTC. I too have family members who are teenagers and got pregnant on a one night stand so yeah I totally get how you are feeling. I am waiting gynae investigations to see what it is that I have; PCOS/endometriosis/hyperplasia and if it might affect my ability to conceive. Being 34 already this weighs heavily on my mind

The insensitivity of people saying that astounds me, probably the majority of them became parents more by accident and didnt really hope and pray for a baby. Good luck with your journey x

 

[jtw17]

Thank you all for your comments, I hope you all get great news soon. I am younger than a lot of people who are ttc but in my view, the sooner I start the sooner we can get help if there is a problem.

Have you been told that the pcos I'd the reason for your difficulties? I've always been told I should be fine but that seems a bit inconclusive. I hate the not knowing.

Love and hugs xx

 

[snowbee]

They seem to have blamed my problems on pcos. On further investigation I also have an immune issue, that in most cases isn't too bad but combined with the pcos does decrease our chances. Lots of pcos ladies don't have any issues, so hopefully you will be one of those.

 

[DarcyHodge]

I'd like to know these coping tips as well, being 31 and ttc our first we are always getting the comment of "when are you going to have kids" and don't worry you're so young there's plenty of time.... I actually want to scream it's making me angry and I'm not an angry person. Or the people that are constantly telling you, you might be pregnant, when you know fine well that you're not, anyway rant over I'm just a little frustrated.
Good luck to anyone trying xx

 

[SiameseCatLady]

I don't have PCOS, but I can totally relate to the waiting thing. I had one traumatic MC and we experienced 2 years of trying to get us to this point.
There is nothing to compare to the feeling of wanting a baby so much but not being able to have anything at all. It was hellish. We were only just getting on to the fertility route when I lost a significant amount of weight and fell and ask say that was after two years and it was taking a long time.
As I say, I can only sympathise with PCOS ladies. Must be a nightmare.
I will say this though. There is always hope and unfortunately, an average time for ttc is actually 2 years! I hated this statistic but it's true. When we started ttc, I assumed I would be pregnant within a couple of months. You spend your whole life thinking, 'I mustn't get pregnant, i mustn't get pregnant!' and then it turns out it probably wouldn't have been an issue for a long time of actively trying!
I hope I am not being annoying, but wanted to share my experiences and to say, again, that there is always hope, stay positive, try not to let it consume your whole life (much easier said than done, but I wish I had managed this) and that it's a journey, but one that's worth the wait.... And all the insensitive comments and the pain every month when you raise your hopes and then nothing... Good luck. Xxxxx

 

[SiameseCatLady]

I'd like to know these coping tips as well, being 31 and ttc our first we are always getting the comment of "when are you going to have kids" and don't worry you're so young there's plenty of time.... I actually want to scream it's making me angry and I'm not an angry person. Or the people that are constantly telling you, you might be pregnant, when you know fine well that you're not, anyway rant over I'm just a little frustrated.
Good luck to anyone trying xx

I totally understand how you feel. I don't know if I have any coping tips, other than to try to relax and enjoy yourself during this period. It's true that the more you relax, the readier your body is and the more prepared it will be. It's annoying advice, but as soon as I took it on board (2 years later) and did it, things became easier and we both relaxed and just enjoyed life a bit more than when were just focused on the ttc train. I was 32 when I started trying. One of the most stressful and upsetting periods of my life.
You may think, yes it's easy for her to say as she's now pregnant. That's what I thought when people said similar things to me, but if I could go back and talk to myself, this is what I would have said to myself much earlier on.
I would say at the same time be proactive. Go to GP ASAP and register that you're trying to have a baby and that currently it's not happening. Explain how it's affecting you. I think we got onto the fertility route a lot more quickly than normal because I explained the mental anguish for both of us and our ages. Even if you're not given any help straight away, it starts the process and records everything for you and them.
Now, I am going to risk saying the bit that annoyed me most of all when people said it to me, but it is true. The overwhelming odds are that it will happen, usually when you least expect it. This doesn't help when you keep waiting and waiting and get disappointed, but it takes longer for people to fall than they ever imagined very often. But it can happen for you. It really can.
I hope this isn't offensive and that it makes sense. I wish I had taken it on board earlier in our journey. Keeping my fc for you all to have magic babies in whichever ways you desire and wish for. Xxx

 

[DarcyHodge]

I Glad I found a forum like this, I don't really have anyone to talk to or moan to which sometimes I feel I need to do and get it out my system, it's nice to have some reassurance from others that are or have been in the same boat, new day sun is shining and I've got a smile back on my face 😃😃

 

[phonixgirl]

I can relate too. Everyone around me gets pregnant so easily (even my sister is pregnant) but we've been trying on and off over 7 years. Only last year did I find out if had pcos so it was a bit of a shock. I had no symptoms but my periods were crazy (regular - but every 24 days with up to 2 weeks of spotting beforehand lol). I was ovulating naturally though (something was clearly going wrong though). A scan confirmed the pcos.

We've pretty much given up now and are either looking at adoption (which might not be viable) or a child-free life. At least my cycles are much better (28 days, 1 day of spotting) giving me a better quality of life.

I was told that my pcos shouldn't stop me conceiving and we are in the 'unknown' category. I do still blame the pcos though as it gives me something to hold onto, but as time marches on I do wonder if something else is going on. There's so much they haven't checked. Xx