If it doesn't happen... What next for you?

[DonnaMarie1]

Hiya Ladies

I am currently on the NHS waiting list for IVF, Should be called up for treatment November or December, me and my partner have been trying for about 4yrs now (tried with a previous partner for a few yrs also in my early 20s, im 34 now) I am not really looking forward to the IVF, I was hoping it would happen naturally for us beforehand and to be honest I am not feeling positive about it, I dunno, maybe I'm just used to disapointment now, btw I recently had a laparascopy done which found nothing wrong ( to a normal person a good thing but to me it would have explained my infertilty and extremely painful period pains) anyway yeah sorry for rambling..
My question is - How do YOU 'personnally' plan to move on if IVF doesn't work? I mean for me adoption doesn't suit and I doubt I will want to give IVF another try, My partner is amazing and really supportive and says he is happy as long as we have eachother, its still hard tho, seeing this amazing man every day who I know would make an amazing father and I cant help but feel guilty.

Anyhoo, our plan is to just live life for ourselves, as we have been doing (and without the constant ttc routine) Its been so long now since I havent been ttc itll actually be liberating not thinking about it lol.

 

[phonixgirl]

It is hard. We've had one fresh and one frozen. I know my hormones were messed up for years but they're more settled now and still nothing so I don't know.

We would choose adoption but I don't think we can. DH had a conviction for GBH years ago and I've been told on an adoption forum that it's pretty much a definite no no.

DH finds the disappointment really hard to take (much harder than me) and wanted to stop after the first go. I managed to persuade him to do the first frozen cycle and now I've managed to persuade him to do one last one. But then that will be it sadly. You might get some embryos to freeze and just so you know, frozen cycles are SO much easier.

We used to save a lot and since we've decided this is our last, we've stopped saving so much - I guess because we were saving for the baby that might never be. We are spending money on ourselves - a new car, holidays, the house etc. I've been focusing on the fact I can do those things and have holidays wherever and whenever I like but that certainly wouldn't be the case if I had children. Also, I've found out from a pregnant girl at work that our maternity pay is rubbish. Of course I haven't told DH this but it's made me realise that maybe I'm better off just being an auntie. And I get 8 hours sleep every night. And I can go out wherever I want, whenever I want.

Of course I'd rather have a screaming baby keeping me up at night stopping me go on holiday but I HAVE to focus on the positives right now. Xxx

 

[snowbee]

I'm also 34, 35 in a month. My husband is nearly 40. We agreed to do another 6 cycles of ovulation induction (so I will have done 12 in total) and then have our free go at IVF. If that doesn't work I don't know what we will do. Adoption isn't for us right now, would I change my mind if that is the only way we could have children I don't know. I think it is one of those things that you have to take it a day at a time and see how you feel.

I would be tempted to do more treatment so I could say that we tried everything, finances are an issue as we are on a fairly low income, but we aren't extravagant and could maybe squeeze a cycle or two from somewhere by taking on extra work etc. I don't want to look back and regret not doing all we can to get that family we really want. Our problems are mine, so if I can't give my oh the baby he so wants I will feel guilty forever.

 

[Sugarpop]

Me & OH are both 26. So we do have a bit of time to play with. I don't particularly want IVF and that is the last resort for me. I really think if we get me ovulating & sort my thin lining out that we would have a good chance.

OH doesn't feel like adoption would be for him & he is more keen on surrogacy. I think we would potentially do the surrogacy thing but would absolutely only do it once. As silly as it sounds I want to give my body a real chance first. I have always said I would have IVF when I'm nearly 30. That way I will be qualified & wont have to worry about spending thousands on IVF.

Hubby has always said that if we don't have children it will just have to be an amazing life without. But his swimmers are perfectly fine. I am the issue & I often apologise to him because the one thing he really wants from his life is exactly the thing that I am struggling so much to give to him. He would make a wonderful dad & I'm so sad that I'm the reason why he isn't already.

 

[phonixgirl]

Oh ladies. The problem is entirely with me too and I did feel guilty about it. I even told DH to leave me or just go and get someone pregnant so he could be a dad. But he said what he wanted most was me, and if that means not having kids so be it. He loves me as I am.

They want to be dads, yes, but they deal with it all surprisingly well when it's not your issue (just not the disappointment). Stay strong. X

 

[Sugarpop]

Oh ladies. The problem is entirely with me too and I did feel guilty about it. I even told DH to leave me or just go and get someone pregnant so he could be a dad. But he said what he wanted most was me, and if that means not having kids so be it. He loves me as I am.

They want to be dads, yes, but they deal with it all surprisingly well when it's not your issue (just not the disappointment). Stay strong. X

My OH deals with it well too. I just think he masks it better than me. He's known I've had issues from when he met me which helps I think.

I do blame myself, maybe wrongly. We can't help how our bodies work can we?

 

[phonixgirl]

Oh ladies. The problem is entirely with me too and I did feel guilty about it. I even told DH to leave me or just go and get someone pregnant so he could be a dad. But he said what he wanted most was me, and if that means not having kids so be it. He loves me as I am.

They want to be dads, yes, but they deal with it all surprisingly well when it's not your issue (just not the disappointment). Stay strong. X

My OH deals with it well too. I just think he masks it better than me. He's known I've had issues from when he met me which helps I think.

I do blame myself, maybe wrongly. We can't help how our bodies work can we?

Well absolutely can't help how our bodies work. Nobody is perfect and it just so happens we have imperfections with our body.

I didn't know anything was wrong with me when we met, although my periods were heavy and crampy. I think the partners see it as 'our' problem but we blame ourselves, wrongly, because biologically the issue is with us. But they wouldn't want to be with anyone else except for us, nor have children with them, and that is what we forget.

They want to be with us, issues or no issues, children or no children, and the problem is a joint one. Xx

 

[Sugarpop]

I agree. My poor hubby has to put up with no babies yet and all my other issues! I do feel sorry for him but he chose me so what can I do! Ha

 

[phonixgirl]

Exactly I think that's one hurdle in ltttc when it's our issue, of many, but I've kind of got over that one now. I hope that gives you some strength lovely. Xx