I Want to Leave.

[kittykitchn]

Can anyone give me some guidance and advice please?

I want to leave my husband. He won't "let" me take our child. He won't even talk about and says if I leave, he'll call the police about me kidnapping her.
He wants her to live with him, me leave, and I get visitation rights. Obviously this is ridiculous, and there's no reason why we shouldn't have joint equal custody.

He's emotionally abusive. And I will go down that route if I have to, and leave him that way - bit would rather just an amicable separation.

How do I just get up and leave with baby if it's seen as kidnap? I don't understand how people are able to leave their partners with children if this is the case.
I have spoken to Citizens Advice, who say we both need to agree to me leaving and taking her before I'm able to.

 

[lisey]

So sorry you are going through this. I really wouldn't have thought it would be kidnap if you move out. You're not leaving the country!
Maybe contact a solicitor rather than citizens advice? Xx

 

[snowbee]

Are you the primary caregiver kitty? I agree with lisey, go and see a solicitor, lots do a free initial consultation.

 

[Blueclass]

Yes go and speak to someone else. I can't see this being the case as so many other people leave there partners. Has he tried to change his ways if he knows you want to leave? I think you should talk to a women's refuge and explain his emotionally abusive ect and you want to leave. They will help you and put you in temp accommodation. He will not be allowed in the building and he doesn't have to know where you are. Start packing little bits of clothes up for you and her and leave them with family or a friend who you can trust. Then once you have your passports and all those things you leave whilst his out.
It sounds like a awful situation to be in. It's great your trying to get out though and asking for help. X

 

[Sparklegirl]

I would contact a solicitor to ask where you stand legally and also this will back up the truth if/when you do leave so he cant call it kidnap. I am sorry to hear you are in such a bad situation, I have been very familiar with emotional abuse over the years and it cuts really deep. I hope you can do what is best for you and your babies asap so you can start being happy

 

[JD.Deedee]

Sorry to haar this Kitty. First of all I know someone whose been in the situation where her daughter hadn't been returned to her after visiting her dad and she called the police on him but they couldn't do anything when they both have shared parental rights. So don't worry you can leave without him getting your daughter and pulling this on you, do be aware to let him have supervised visits if you are scared that he won't return her to you after she's due to come back. If he's blackmailing you about leaving or making you feel unsafe contact the domestic violence help line (police too can help come and make you feel safe while you collect your stuff) and ask them for advise. It would only apply if you were to leave the country that you need his permission. If you leave within the same country this isn't. Get to a safe place and contact a solicitor specialised in family law, advise on the phone is free. Hope this helps x

 

[lillith112]

I've been in a similar situation, an abusive ex partner who took my children for 9 days and wouldn't give them back. You need to see a solicitor and get a residency order put in place, this is done in court. It's not as scary as it sounds, it's an order by the court saying the children will be living with you. Having proof that he is abusive will help. In 100% ofcases the mother always gets custody of her children, it's only very extreme cases that a judge will allow the father to have them. If you need any advice or help just give me a shout. x

 

[Rose83]

My brother in law's partner literally ran away with their son when he was 18 months old, we all live in Scotland, her parents live in south of England and she told my BIL she was going to visit her mum for three weeks and at the end of the three weeks called and said she wasn't coming back. There was no abuse going on, she'd just decided she didn't love him anymore. There wasn't a thing he could do about the fact she left and he had to wait until it went through the courts - he gets him one weekend a month and in school holidays and that's it. In this situation I think that's very unfair on him as he didn't do anything wrong but obviously it shows you that your OH is wrong about kidnap. And you have a legitimate reason for wanting to leave. He'd also still have to pay maintenance if you leave so don't let that put you off either x

 

[mylullaby]

I would speak to women's aid actually. They're experienced in helping women to escape abusive relationships. X

 

[tinselcat]

If you can get hold of some evidence of abuse, that may be helpful in future. I didn't have an"audit trail" (nothing registered with the police, doctors, social services etc) so it was more one person's work against anothers. Emotional abuse by a partner is a crime. I'd definitely get some legal advice on this. There is a solicitor firm that specialises in free advice over the phone for women suffering domestic abuse, though I can't remember the name. If you call a womens aid / domestic violence Helpline then they should be able to give you some pointers.

Unless there is a court order in place, I don't see why you can't just walk out with your children. It's what I did. I think you have been given bad advice by the CAB.

Good luck xxx

 

[cassi]

Can anyone give me some guidance and advice please?

I want to leave my husband. He won't "let" me take our child. He won't even talk about and says if I leave, he'll call the police about me kidnapping her.
He wants her to live with him, me leave, and I get visitation rights. Obviously this is ridiculous, and there's no reason why we shouldn't have joint equal custody.

He's emotionally abusive. And I will go down that route if I have to, and leave him that way - bit would rather just an amicable separation.

How do I just get up and leave with baby if it's seen as kidnap? I don't understand how people are able to leave their partners with children if this is the case.
I have spoken to Citizens Advice, who say we both need to agree to me leaving and taking her before I'm able to.

Surely that's rubbish. He's emotionally abusive you have grounds to leave. As the mother you're the primary carer. Perhaps seek legal advice elsewhere x

 

[Ttc1234]

Any update kitty? How are things between you and your oh?

 

[Blueclass]

Hey you and i was both in june mummies.. im thinking of leaving to. Since Summer had comw i just feel everything has changed. I love being a mum but i feel im losing myself. Iv told oh i want some space as his always questioning me making me feel like iv done something. We are still together but i said he needs to stop hassling me about my where abouts. I feel like his my dad sometimes. I just feel the spark has gone. I have no idea where i will go as i think ots unfair for him to move if it's down to me. I have no idea how i will pay for rent ect but i do work fulltime. Where do i begin on housing iv got no money saved. X

 

[Lilmisshopeful]

Hi I've not posted in a long time but needed to post here.. it's not kidnap if you leave with your daughter you have equal rights.. if he calls the police the most they will do is come check she is ok.. but when she visits him will he return her.. again he has equal rights.. Call your local council or ask your health visitor to refer you to the early intervention team they will help you all the way.. you don't have to agree with him before you leave... I've left my partner with our son as he was emotionally abusive to start but he ended up beating out son who was 2 and myself.. we are in the middle of a long court battle and at their say so has not seen Oliver since February.. they are making him do courses ect before he is allowed near him.. abuse is not something you have to live with xxx

 

[Lilmisshopeful]

Also because of the abuse I was granted a child arrangements order stating Oliver is to live with me.. so now if when he is allowed contact if he didn't return him it is kidnap.. residency orders no longer exist

 

[Blueclass]

Hows it going now kitty?