i want her back :(

[p1nk11]

Yesturday was my baby girl's funeral, its the hardest thing i have ever had to do, seeing her tiny coffin, knowing that she was inside, that i will never see her again! i feel so lost & empty. i was 35 wks so my OH & i had everything ready & were looking forward to becoming parents for the first time but now thats all been taken away & i don't know wot to do. We have to wait 12 wks for the results of the post mortem as no1 knows wot happened. I feel like it's my fault, that i did something wrong or i missed something, i wish i'd gone to the hospital sooner (even tho i've been told by the dr's that i went at the right time).
I miss feeling her move & hate looking at myself now that i dont have my bump. i get angry at myself as I want to ttc again asap, i know it won't bring her back but I feel cheated that after carrying her for 8 months & looking forward to being a mum, it's all gone!

How will this ever get easier?

 

[Mummy2Adam]

Massive
I am really sorry for your loss and really sorry you and your OH have had to go through this

Dont feel guilty for wanting to ttc again so soon hunny, i felt that way a few weeks ago when i lost my little angel, i have now sat back and decided new year, new start. But everyone is different and what ever you decided has to be right for you and your OH. If you need to ever talk hunny, im here. x x


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[keljordan]

Oh how awful for you I cannot imagine the pain u feel right now I am so so sorry x I watched my sister go through this exact same thing and to this day I don't know how she coped but she did and still does and everyday as more time passes she can remember her little boy without the hurt showing and she now smiles when she speaks of him x x thinking of you xx your so brave xx

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[Nurse 26]

So sorry to hear your story, i'm sure nothing anyone can say to make it better.

x x x x

 

[Kezzamunster]

Just wanted to send big hugs & kisses to you
I can't imagine how hard this is for you but don't feel guilty at all, whatever you decide will be right for you both
We are all here for you
xxx

 

[linxminx21]

oh hun i am so sorry for your loss
no words i can say will comfort you and your OH but you are already strong enough to be talking about it on here. im sure you will never forget your little girl but maybe with time the pain will ease a little?
and it differs from woman to woman on when is the right time to TTC again. it is entirely up to you and your OH
all my love jodie

 

[xshauna_bazx]

I am so sorry and i don't think anything i say will take away your pain but i wish it could! Big hugs xxx

 

[Olive]

So sorry for your loss.xxxxx

 

[p1nk11]

thank you all for your kind words xx

 

[positivity :)]

heartbreaking, i'm so sorry xx

 

[FebMum2Be]

So sorry for your loss hunni.. We are all here when you are ready xxxx

 

[Applecider]

My friend S has been through this, nothing you could done to stop it, in the hands of the gods. Time is the healer and you will look back and remember you carried the lil angel and im sure theres someone in heaven to look after her for you. you will meet again xx

 

[Laura_C]

Oh sweetheart I am going through the very same thing at the moment. I carried my little boy to 30 weeks and he had to be delivered on 20/11/10 as I wentto hospital as I just felt something wasn't quite right. Went fo what we thought was a fairly routine scan and they found our little boy had developed Hydrops. All other tests and scans had been clear. We just could not believe it - he was delivered that day after the scan at 30+2. We were told his chance of survival was extremely low but he had to be delivered to give him any chance. Hydrops is a sympom of a condition, we may never find out was caused the Non Immune Hydrops. They have already ruled out most things. Ethan fought for 2 days in NICU but his little heart just couldn't take the strain anymore. His renal system was failing. He died on 22/11/10, jut over 2 weeks ago. His funeral was on Friday last week, it was the most heartbreaking experience and I totally understand what you are going through. I just long to hold me little boy, my daughter is so confused about when her little brother will be home - it breaks my heart to tell her that he won't be coming home because he is an angel now. I am so so sorry for your loss, please if you want a chat/rant whatever, just message me. I too long to TTC again, but I need to know what has happened before we do anything, that's just me. I had a csection too so I know I need to recover and get my body ready before we even think about trying again. I know all the thoughts running through your mind as they have run through mine too. I hope to god it does get easier, I am just taking things a day at a time - I can't really think beyond that at the moment. We took steps to take Ethans pram and car seat back to Mamas and Papas today, it was so hard but it was the right thing to do for me, I felt like it just had to go back. I felt differently a few days ago but I just felt I had to do it, i think it potentially would put more pressure on us to TTC sooner as everything is sat there for a baby. It has taken a bit of that off my shoulders now. Like I say if you want someone to talk through things with, I am here XXXXXXXX

 

[p1nk11]

Oh sweetheart I am going through the very same thing at the moment. I carried my little boy to 30 weeks and he had to be delivered on 20/11/10 as I wentto hospital as I just felt something wasn't quite right. Went fo what we thought was a fairly routine scan and they found our little boy had developed Hydrops. All other tests and scans had been clear. We just could not believe it - he was delivered that day after the scan at 30+2. We were told his chance of survival was extremely low but he had to be delivered to give him any chance. Hydrops is a sympom of a condition, we may never find out was caused the Non Immune Hydrops. They have already ruled out most things. Ethan fought for 2 days in NICU but his little heart just couldn't take the strain anymore. His renal system was failing. He died on 22/11/10, jut over 2 weeks ago. His funeral was on Friday last week, it was the most heartbreaking experience and I totally understand what you are going through. I just long to hold me little boy, my daughter is so confused about when her little brother will be home - it breaks my heart to tell her that he won't be coming home because he is an angel now. I am so so sorry for your loss, please if you want a chat/rant whatever, just message me. I too long to TTC again, but I need to know what has happened before we do anything, that's just me. I had a csection too so I know I need to recover and get my body ready before we even think about trying again. I know all the thoughts running through your mind as they have run through mine too. I hope to god it does get easier, I am just taking things a day at a time - I can't really think beyond that at the moment. We took steps to take Ethans pram and car seat back to Mamas and Papas today, it was so hard but it was the right thing to do for me, I felt like it just had to go back. I felt differently a few days ago but I just felt I had to do it, i think it potentially would put more pressure on us to TTC sooner as everything is sat there for a baby. It has taken a bit of that off my shoulders now. Like I say if you want someone to talk through things with, I am here XXXXXXXX

oh hunni my daughter Ava went to sleep on 21st nov, in a strange way its comforting to know that someone else is in the same place as me & has the same feelings i'm going through. at the mo i'm trying to focus on getting over the c section as its still quite painful. If u ever need to talk about any thing pls message me i'll b right here xx

 

[emz1980]

so sorry for your loss xxxx

 

[Bella2]

I am so so sorry to hear about your loss, I can't possibly imagine how you must be feeling. Please don't feel bad about wanting to TTC again, only you know how you feel and what is best. There are lots of nice ladies on here to listen if you ever need to chat x x x

 

[heartbroken]

Im so sorry this has happend ur sweet precious baby girl.. U and ur OH does not deserve this. Nobody does. My baby boy was stillborn on 5-10-10 i was 36wks,we found out at our 20 wk scan he had severe fluid on the brain and would likely die after birth or in my womb. It is 10 wks on tuesday since i gave birth to him and i miss him like hell. I was so looking forward to going on walks, changing his nappy. I long for him to be in my arms. U will always miss her never forget her she will always be your daughter no matter wat. And wanting to be pregnant again is completly normal dont feel guilty. No parent should have to see ther baby in a coffin. They say times a healer and that time will start but when? Nobody knows..Some days will get a little easier and think ur coping but then the grief will hit u like a ton of bricks but dont hold it in, cry when u have to. The days that seem like there never goin to end start going in quicker as time goes by. Has the hospital offerd U & ur OH any support like counsiling? Me & my Oh go to a breavement midwive and it really helps, she sits there and listens and talks about our little angel. Or what about breavement support groups? U might not want to do anything like that at the moment. And i know its to soon but if & when use decide to have another baby just remember ur baby girls will always be lookin over use. R.I.P little angel xx

 

[p1nk11]

thank you all so much xx

Heartbroken -i'm so sorry to hear of ur loss it's the cruelest thing in the world for anyone to have to go through. We have been offered counselling but at the moment it still seems so surreal, i wake up some mornings & the first thing i do is rub my belly & say good-morning to her as if she's there, then i realise she's actually gone Like you i also think about what we'd be doing with her, i'd even bought her a 'my first xmas' stocking as its my fav time of the yr, but now i just want it over with. It's been 3 weeks since she fell asleep but i still cant believe i'll never get to see/hold my little fairy again. My thoughts are with you & your OH xxx

 

[Merfairy]

Hi, I am sorry for you loss and the sadness you are enduring, my heart is with you xx

 

[JJ Mum]

Hunny, I am sending you a big hug , I am so sorry this happened.

Please don't blame yourself in any way, nothing you could have done or not done would have caused this. You will be able to talk things through with Laura C and Heartbroken as they have had the same thing happen recently too, and you can eanch gain support from each other remembering your angels X

Remember we are all here for you x