I resent my husband

Discussion in 'Waiting to Try' started by Kay2605, Mar 6, 2016.

  1. Kay2605

    Kay2605 New Member

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    I know that sounds bad but I do.

    I'm 31 & he's 28. We've been together for 4 years and married for 6 months and I want a baby but he refuses! He's always said he wants kids but now just keeps saying he's not ready. He promised me 2 years ago we could have a baby when I was 31 but I'll be 32 in May & he's not budging

    We own our house & I have a decent job (his isn't so great) but I would go back to work after as my Mum is happy to care for her grandkids during the day so childcare isn't an issue, I just don't understand what his problem is!

    His excuses were we don't have room and I'm on medication. We had a lot of junk in our spare room so I've sold/binned it all to make space & I was on an anti depressant called venlafaxine which I couldn't take during pregnancy so I've come off that and he still says no

    My younger sister is pregnant and it's just not fair. I feel like we are leaving it too late and I would never forgive him if he deprived me of having children by stalling for too long.

    He asked for 6 months to think about it in January which I agreed to but I am not happy about it. If he still says no in July then I will have to seriously re-evaluate our marriage
     
  2. Charlotte9

    Charlotte9 Well-Known Member

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    Sorry you are going through this.

    If you really want kids then you just have to stop using protection and go for it.

    Some men are not ready even when they are 50. Once you will be pregnant he will be the happiest dad.

    Are you on a pill? x
     
  3. Kay2605

    Kay2605 New Member

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    Unfortunately not on the pill as hormonal contraception has always played havoc with my migraines so we use condoms which he is 100% consistent with ��

    He would be a great Dad. He has 2 little half brothers that he's fantastic with but he just says he likes to be able to give them back x
     
  4. Charlotte9

    Charlotte9 Well-Known Member

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    With condoms it will be a bit trickier.

    You could may be suggest practising sex without condoms and may be use them only during fertile days?

    There are condoms that dont kill the sperm inside the condom, so can still use it and get pg.
     
    #4 Charlotte9, Mar 6, 2016
    Last edited: Mar 6, 2016
  5. Kay2605

    Kay2605 New Member

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    I don't really think he understands there are more and less fertile days really and tbh, I don't want to trick him into it anyway, I just want him to grow up, realise he's not going to be a rockstar and that we don't have forever to wait! x
     
  6. Charlotte9

    Charlotte9 Well-Known Member

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    I would suggest then to pray and hope that one day he is ready to become a dad.

    Men really sometimes act like kids and dont want to take responsibilities.

    Stay strong :hug:
     
  7. KG87

    KG87 Member

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    Hi Kay2605

    My experience may be able to give you some hope that he will change his mind. I am 29 and my partner is 26 we have been together for 4 years and I have a 7 year old from a previous relationship.

    I made it clear to him when we got together that I wanted another child and did not want to leave a huge age gap also I was conscious that I was soon heading into my 30's and wanted to have another baby before that.

    He would keep changing his mind one day saying he was ready to start trying and the next asking for more time. It is really hard as you never know where you Stand and people around you are having babies left right and centre.

    Anyway to cut a long story short he finally committed and said he was ready we started ttc last May and are expecting are first baby together anytime now.

    I completely agree with you not trying to trick him into getting pregnant that would open up a hole other can of worms. I am certain that he will have that lightbulb moment and realise that he is ready just try and hang on in there.

    Hope it all works out for you!!!
     
  8. JD.Deedee

    JD.Deedee Well-Known Member

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    Are you seriously advising someone into forcing someone to have a baby they clearly don't want to go behind their back??!!! You need your head checking!!
     
  9. Tigeress

    Tigeress Well-Known Member

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    Easy there tiger, I don't think Charlotte meant that, she did clearly say ".. and explain it to him/suggest it" so it means there will be a slight chance but not much and by explaining it to him, he will know.

    Think you need to read properly before insulting someone.
     
    #9 Tigeress, Mar 6, 2016
    Last edited: Mar 6, 2016
  10. JD.Deedee

    JD.Deedee Well-Known Member

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    I think you missed over the previous reply where it says " if you really want kids then you key have to stop using protection and go for it"

    To me that sounds like, just get pregnant even though he says no. That's disrespectful. Imo

    I think if someone
     
  11. Kay2605

    Kay2605 New Member

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    Oh I didn't mean to start a row...I have no intention of tricking him! I do think if it happened then he'd be fine (I certainly don't think he'd leave me) but I want him to want a baby too

    I spoke to him earlier about furniture for the spare room now it's de-junked and he said there's no point buying any if we'd have to get rid of it again to put a cot in there anyway so I'm hoping that means he's giving it serious thought anyway x
     
  12. JD.Deedee

    JD.Deedee Well-Known Member

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    Good he's giving it a good thought and I hope he comes round soon and you can start ttc x
     
  13. Tina18

    Tina18 Well-Known Member

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    Hey Kay

    I have felt your pain and used to consider just stopping taking the pill but I would never be able to forgive myself, you both need to be 100% committed to the pregnancy as you will need to rely on your partner a lot. He will also need to look after his health so you have the best swimmers!

    Me and my partner bought our house 2 years ago and we started TTC last June after a lot of me nagging him, at times I thought I went to far and he would finish it and I would be terrified of the thought of being alone.

    In jan 15 i mentioned it again to him and he said we may be able to start trying June- those 6 months were the longest wait ever but so worth it in the end as he is fully committed to me getting pregnant.

    If he's talking about a baby that's massive steps my partner would hardly ever do that I always had to bring it up.

    I think you just need to be more honest with him (if you think he can take it) it is hard but if it is somthing you really want and he deprives you then you will only end up hating him even more later in life and that's not healthy

    I wish you all the luck ️xxx
     

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