i just need to have a little moan

[petchy]

i have just had the worst weekend EVER, and feel the need to have a good old moan, so sorry in advance for the long post you guys.

me and OH were meant to go to one of my oldest friends' wedding up in scotland this weekend. i took friday off work so we could travel really early in the morning and get there mid-day friday. thursday night OH decided to go out for a couple of hours, as he works nights and had slept all day - and couldn't sleep. he promised he would be back before midnight because of the long drive he had ahead of him. 5am friday i woke up, bed was empty and OH was not back yet. so i panicked. especially since his phone was switched off as well. by 7am i was in tears convinced he was beaten up and left for dead in some alley or something, all the worst thoughts went through my mind. then at 2.30pm he phones me, and says he's been caught drink-driving and has spent the night at the police station!!!! i was soooooo fuming and disappointed, after 5 1/2 years i thought i could trust him and then he goes and does something STUPID and totally irresponsible and out of order!!! he's never done this kind of thing before, so why NOW of all times, when he is about to become a dad???? he put me through absolute HELL, wondering if he'd been in an accident or something, i even phoned the police and hospital to make sure he hadn't been involved in an accident - and all at a time when i'm already emotionally fragile and hormonal.

so we missed the wedding (i was GUTTED), and he has completely let me down. i was on the brink of packing my bags and leaving, and it will take a long time before i respect him again - he will have to work hard to earn my trust and respect again! we have had a long talk, and it was the first time i have seen him cry EVER, so obviously he is regretting it. perhaps me threatening to leave him hit home as well. i hope so. it is just so typical, our relationship had never been better and we were both just excited to become parents, and then he does THAT...

he has to go to court on thursday, and i just hope he doesn't get too big a fine, because it won't be him that suffers most from that - it will be me and baby, as the money he's supposed to be saving for baby and my mat leave will have to go towards the bloody fine! (do you think if i tell the judge that maybe they'll let him "pay" by doing community service instead??) he will no doubt be banned from driving for a long time, so he's paying for me to have driving lessons now. hopefully i can pass the test before baby is born, as we will need one of us to be driving ideally.

as if this wasn't enough i have been left paranoid that all the stress could have affected baby. people have lost their babies because of stress before, so now i keep thinking "what if my stress levels were too much for baby to cope with and he/she died in there?!" i haven't felt movements yet (have had some flutters last week but couldn't make out if it was wind or baby) so i haven't even got that to reassure me. i have no appointments now until my scan on the 26th, so i'll be worried until then (or until i feel movement for certain)

i have decided to stop thinking about the weekend now, i can't deal with the stress, so i'll try to put it behind me before it gets me down even more. sorry for the long and depressive post - i just had to get it off my chest. if you made it to the end, thanks for reading.

 

[-Cat-]

hi petchy,
My god how awfull! Im not surprised your upset, I cant believe that they didnt even let your OH call you sooner to let you know what had happened instead of letting you worry all night!
With regards to the court case its worth getting some legal advice before hand as I know in some curcumstances instead of having a ban you can get more points, larger fine etc all different ways of working things. If you explain that you are expecting a baby and OH is the only one that drives, or something like that they may be a bit more forgiving.
Please pleaes please dont worry yourself with what effect this is happening on the baby, Im sure your little bean is fine, I know its easier said than done, but try not to worry yourself about it all. get your OH some legal advice, and see what happens on thursday and take it from there.

Thinking of you babe,

take care xx

 

[petchy]

thanks cat, getting it off my chest made me feel better! OH is seeing a solicitor today i think. i'd prefer it if he got a ban + community service rather than a big fine as he can't afford to pay and i'll end up having to sacrifice what should have been baby's savings to cover for him. and i do hope he doesn't get a prison sentence - that would be awful.

god, i hate him for doing this to us!!!

 

[beanie]

Hi Petchy,

Sorry to hear bout your news, can completely understand your frustration. As far as I know there is a mandatory minimum sentence of one year's disqualification for driving with excess alcohol. In exceptional circumstances such as if losing the licence would affect the ability to earn a living this can be waived but they have to be pretty exceptional. Your husband should also enquire about the Drink Impaired Driver;s Programme (this is what it is known in the Midlands), this is a course that the drink driver pays for themselves (it is around £150-250) and if it is completed the ban can be reduced. However this has to be offered at Court on the day of the offence.

A first time drink driver usually has a financial penalty of around £300 - £400 imposed, but if there are limited means this can be reduced. In regards to Community Punishment (unpaid work as it is now known in the Court) this can be imposed on 1st time offenders though it does depend on a number of factors including previous convictions, the amount your husband was above the limit, if there was an accident etc. You do not mention about any of these factors but it is very unlikely that prison will be an option, this tends to be for repeat offenders or if there has been an injury/death. Sorry that I can't offer any more info but I hope this helps.

Don't worry about hurting your baby, I know stress is a bad thing but talk to your bump and stroke it and this will help reduce your stress levels. Take care of yourself and little bean, xxxx

 

[petchy]

thank you so much, your replies mean so much to me! feeling better now, but still pissed off with OH for what he put me through...

 

[mummytrying]

bloody men eh?

My boyf has been a pain in the bum since finding out im pregnant either that or everything seems worse to me now we are having a baby together.

I think responsibility and some men dont go together.

And before any angry men start writing complaining im basing this on my experience im sure there are some good ones out there.

 

[lisa31]

Hi Petchy

Im really sorry to hear whats happened to you. I dont blame you for getting angry.

I cant offer any advice on the drink driving thing im afraid, but I agree with what everyone says about the baby - Im sure everything will be 100% fine with that. If your really worried give you midwife a ring - Im sure she will put your mind at rest.

Come on here and vent your frustration - its handy for that

Take Care and let us know how you get on.

L x

 

Awww luvvie I'm sorry to hear you OH is being a total tit recently - I'd be bloody fuming if my OH did that too!

Don't know much about the fines but the advice above I'm sure will help.

Men really are big bloody kids sometimes aren't they Hope the driving lessons go well.

*hugs* xxxxxxx

 

[petchy]

you guys are just so nice it's very touching. we might not know eachother, but you certainly don't feel like strangers to me after a few months on this forum! thank you all so much for your messages, i really appreciate it!

much love from me and bump xx

 

[Kim]

I hope everything is better for you now Petchy. I don't feel like you are all strangers either, you're my friends!