I had hoped I wouln't have to post here....

Discussion in 'Coping with Miscarriage & Loss' started by Anna Marie, Aug 3, 2005.

  1. Anna Marie

    Anna Marie Well-Known Member

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    It seems all my hopes and dreams of becoming a mum have been shattered again.... yesterday after 4 days of bleeding I was admitted to hospital and found out by scan that my little bean's heart had stopped beating sometime between last monday [when I saw its little heart beating on our first scan!] and now...

    I am now at home waiting for "nature to take its course".
    Of course I am absolutely beside myself and am not sure I can think about ever trying to conceive again but I also think I am still in shock as I feel just so numb, desolate, angry, scared, guilty.

    Why is life so cruel.

    :cry: :cry: :cry:
     
  2. Sunshine

    Sunshine Well-Known Member

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    Anne Marie

    I am so sorry to hear of your loss. I am lucky enough to have not been there myself, so I cannot say I understand how you are feeling. I can only say that my thoughts are with you and your partner at what must be a very painful time.

    {{Hugs}}

    Sunshine
     
  3. minikins

    minikins Well-Known Member

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    Am feeling gutted for you, I cannot begin to feel or understand your pain. I just hope you have lots of help and support around you.

    Thinking of you!

    x
     
  4. Guest

    I don't know what I can say to even take an ounce of the pain away that you must be feeling right now.

    Thinking of of you at this terrible time xx
     
  5. Kerry

    Kerry Well-Known Member

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    Loads of love to you my dear...............words cannot help how you are feeling but my thoughts are with you.

    Much love and a big hug.
     
  6. beanie

    beanie Well-Known Member

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    Anna Marie, I am so sorry to hear about your news. My thoughts and love are with you and your family. Take care of yourself hon xxxxx
     
  7. LucyBee

    LucyBee Well-Known Member

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    I'm so sorry for you. There's nothing worse.
    Sending you loads of hugs.
    xxx
     
  8. Anna Marie

    Anna Marie Well-Known Member

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    thanks everyone for your kind thoughts and words.

    to be honest I just feel numb, like it hasn't really hit me yet... of course I am in tears almost all the time but its the emptiness I just cannot bear.

    The physical pain is pretty intense and the bleeding is getting worse so it is only a matter of time before little bean leaves me completely. I can deal with the physical pain - its the emotional stuff that is crippling me.

    My OH is being fab and is much more positive about the future than I am but maybe in time I will.

    thanks again
    Anna Marie
    xx
     
  9. JULS

    JULS Active Member

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    Anna Marie,

    I'm so sorry to hear your news. Thinking of you during this difficult & sad time. Take care.

    Juls x
     
  10. kellysomer

    kellysomer Well-Known Member

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    I just wanted to send you my love.

    I have not been through what you have endured and cannot pretend i know how you feel. I could not possibly imagine.

    I would like you to know we are all here for you and that we will help in any way we can.

    I hope that time will help in a way i cannot understand.

    Perhaps you could plant a tree of rememberance, a friend has one in the garden for her mother and it gives her a place to pray, hope and a lasting, growing and changing memory with every new spring and the new flowers.

    I wish you all the joy in the world for the future and hope you find comfort from those closest to you. :)
     
  11. Anna Marie

    Anna Marie Well-Known Member

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    Hi everyone,

    thanks for all your support, it has been a nightmare week. The pain has been totally unbearable but I think I am over the worst as the "contractions" stopped yesterday and this morning I feel somewhat better physically although the bleeding is still very heavy.

    I just feel so numb and empty.. i think the physical pain was distracting me from the mental torture that i am now embarking on. I know we shouldn't blame ourselves but we do.. I was carrying the little bean and I feel just so damn awful that I could not do anything to prevent its loss.

    I know I should start to concentrate on the future but that little bean was my future and now I am so scared to try again.. I was paranoid enough with this pregnancy - I will be such a stress head if and its a big IF I manage to concieve again.

    Still off work so haven't really had to face the outside world yet.. not sure I am ready yet.

    Hope all of you are doing well and those will little beans.. take care of them!!

    xx
     
  12. jacquidube

    jacquidube Well-Known Member

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    Hello Anne Marie. I am so sorry to hear of your loss. It is a terrible thing to happen and it just makes you so angry with everyone around you. I myself am going through a miscarriage now. My baby died last thursday and i have had no bleeding or no pain and i have to wait till everything comes away. I would of been 8 weeks today. You are in my thoughts and I will pray for you even though at this time nothing will help what you are going through.
    I do feel with you, please take care of yourself.
    All my love
    Jacqui. x x x x x x x
     
  13. Anna Marie

    Anna Marie Well-Known Member

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    Thanks Jacqui,

    so sorry to hear that you and your little bean are suffering the same fate. Have they given you anything to induce the m/c or are you just awaiting the inevitable?

    I am definitely over the worst, today I feel physically OK and even the bleeding is less and so the emotional stuff is playing on my mind alot.

    Scan due next week to ensure all is evacuated [god that sounds awful] and then maybe we can begin to think of the future.

    I hope the pain does not get too bad for you, I found that if I stayed in bed or on couch and not mobile the pain was less. hot water bottles and paracetomol was all doctors advised as stronger painkillers make bleeding worse ..

    I'll be thinking of you at this sad and painful time but remember that this time last week I was absolutely beside myself with pain and sadness, today I am beginning to think about the rest of my life and trying again as soon as possible so the mind and body are powerful tools for recovery. allow yourself to grieve and take care of you as you will have other chances.
    xxxx
     

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