I felt it, the pang of jealousy!

Discussion in 'Trying to Conceive' started by Momoftheboo, Apr 23, 2016.

  1. Momoftheboo

    Momoftheboo Well-Known Member

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    Let me start by saying that I try incredibly hard to be a positive and a non-judgemental person, I try to imagine myself in other people's shoes and I try my very best to not be selfish. But today, I felt that twitch of jealousy in my chest at the sight of a pregnant woman!

    I never thought it would happen to me. I mean, pregnant women are lovely to see and as I already have one amazing little girl, I've already been incredibly lucky. Plus I'm only on my 3rd cycle of ttc, which is nothing compared to some people. But I still felt it and it took my breath away.

    I didn't wish any ill will against this woman, or her husband/boyfriend/partner etc. Who was lovingly rubbing her tummy but oh how I wished that I could have a baby bump of my own. I feel better now, but it felt intense at the time! Sorry for the long post all but needed to vent.

    Please tell me I'm not a selfish person and that everyone feels like this at some point!!
     
  2. MrsS15

    MrsS15 Well-Known Member

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    I probably feel like this most days of my life :lol: I really am a lovely person but a year down the line my bitterness rears it's head more often than I'd like it too!

    It's nothing bad against you hun. Just shows how much you want that little baby :) it's completely normal xxx
     
  3. Sparklegirl

    Sparklegirl Well-Known Member

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    When I found out that my teenage cousin was accidentally pregnant by a one night stand at the time I think I went beyond jealous. I think I went right into rage mode, to think there are about 36 hours a MONTH when its prime time to get pregnant and she managed it on a whim with someone she wasnt even in a relationship with and certainly wasnt trying.

    The rational part of me knows age shouldnt matter but I just feel jealous that she has got as a teenager what I have wanted my whole life. By the time she is my age her child will be leaving school and that really depresses me hugely. She is with the father now so they are in a relationship which is nice for them but its just the fact it was unplanned and she somehow got it given to her without even working for it. Some people try for so long (19 years of trying for my parents) it just seems unfair when others can fall pregnant at the drop of the hat when it wasnt on their agenda.

    When I see pregnant ladies I tend to smile and daydream wishing it was me but with her in particular I get a very bitter streak. This shows itself when I see pregnant women smoking or drinking booze, basically doing anything which could risk their baby. When its something you want so so much its not surprising that you get a jealous pang when you see other people having it
     
  4. MrsS15

    MrsS15 Well-Known Member

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    Sparkle I could have written that. Had the exact same experience recently with a 16yr old family friend. Just devastated me!

    Huge hugs xxx
     
  5. Momoftheboo

    Momoftheboo Well-Known Member

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    Thanks for replying ladies, I'm sorry you both feel this way - it's awful! Big hugs to both.

    I can imagine that's heart breaking :(
     
  6. BecaM

    BecaM Well-Known Member

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    I'm just entering cycle three but I understand you completely. One girl I work with (19) recently got pregnant by accident but didn't keep the baby. I had to bite my tongue but I wanted to rant and rave at her "if you weren't intending to get pregnant then take precautions!!!!" I have to work with her everyday and I'm ashamed to say I resent her. My husband and I have waited 4 years until we felt the time was right and it's been so hard. Don't get me wrong, I'm not against choice, there are many reasons why things might not be right but it's the throw away attitude....
     
  7. Petit Pois

    Petit Pois Well-Known Member

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    Just want to say - I know how you feel. It hasn't been long for us either but it just feels so unfair when people seem to get pregnant with absolutely no effort!

    It's no reflection on how you are as a person - if you're anything like me then you are genuinely happy for them - just sad for yourself at the same time. x
     
  8. russellmuscle

    russellmuscle Well-Known Member

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    I dont think it matters how many kids you have, how long youv been TTC, sometimes that kind of jealousy just takes over us.

    Probably first TTC cycle I was ok, then by the 4th (and last for us if we didnt conceive until summer 2016) I was tearing my hair out. I did have a loss in September, before that I wasnt broody or even planning a baby at all until summer, but after all that we decided to try and every announcement then after I was just so jealous at. Two people in OHs work announced their pregnancies as I was going through my loss so I think that set it off tbh.

    Its completely normal. I am happy for people being happy but I did get jealous on what I was missing out on. Then Id get annoyed at myself for it. Its not nice.

    Your time will come. I always just try and remember that what I've waited theres loads of ladies that wait years longer than what I did. Its the only thing that keeps me from throat punching a pregnant lady! :rofl: joke :shock: :p

    xxxx
     
  9. AMKbabyhopeful

    AMKbabyhopeful Active Member

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    I think we all feel that way sometimes. My cousin just had a baby unplanned when she couldn't afford her pills for a month. My husbands cousin just had a baby also. We have been trying for a year and a half now with no luck. And of course when we are visiting these other babies, family memebers always ask when we are going to have a baby, as we just got married recently. I'm trying to get into a fertility clinic soon. Hoping to try Clomid. If that doesn't work I think I want to give up. It's so heartbreaking every month.
     
  10. russellmuscle

    russellmuscle Well-Known Member

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    She ran out of money for the pill? Christ surely a baby is much more expensive.

    A lot of the problem is other peoples expectations.

    I feel bad for the girls who genuinely don't want babies - so many people constantly on about others fertility and when theyr ready to have a baby not fully knowing any circumstances. So when someone has to spend their whole life replying we arent wanting kids, I imagine that can get daunting.

    Hope it works out for you soon AMK.

    xxxx
     
  11. Sparklegirl

    Sparklegirl Well-Known Member

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    Hugs to you too! It really is sickening to hear of but she was just following in her mothers footsteps. I suppose it could have been worse though she could have got an abortion but either way its hard to deal with especially when they are so young and seemingly careless about creating a human life.

    The baby is due in July so no doubt that will be the talk of the family how wonderful it is, not to mention why have we not had one yet, I was very very angry on my wedding day when the best man ('father' of the groom) did his speech it was all about him and my husbands mum until the part where he announced to everyone how he expected us to come back with a honeymoon baby. They are obsessed- unhealthily obsessed with us having a family, I refuse to tell them that we are trying but not having any luck.

    As for a honeymoon baby, fat chance as AF showed up on night 2 of the honeymoon totally unexpected and I had to wander all round a tiny Scottish village looking for somewhere to buy more pads from. Joy!

    I wonder if our hormones relating to our cycles make us more susceptible to jealousy at some times more than others?
     
  12. PeanutButter

    PeanutButter Well-Known Member

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    Yes ikno this feeling, I can't even watch Jeremy kyle anymore!! With me it's my cousins who get to me most, always going away and leave their kid with their parents. And then getting pregnant so easily... when she found out she was pregnant she didn't know if she wanted to keep it so went out on the piss and got absolutely wrecked... then said she wished it was never born (think I've mentioned before on here bout that). How do the wrong people get to have kids :( x
     
    #12 PeanutButter, Apr 25, 2016
    Last edited: Apr 25, 2016
  13. Sparklegirl

    Sparklegirl Well-Known Member

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    Bang on that, its exactly right. Wrong people having babies when they dont appreciate how hard it is for some people to get the BFP they deserve and you can imagine half of them are horrified when they see that second line appear :(
     
  14. Nemi

    Nemi Well-Known Member

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    I feel like this all the time!

    When my cousin announced her pregnancy in December I locked myself in the bathroom and cried and cried.

    I want to be happy for people who are pregnant or have babies, but I cant help thinking, 'why can't it be me?'

    I don't have any children and as more time goes on I am losing hope. Some days I doubt that it will ever happen at all.
     
  15. Momoftheboo

    Momoftheboo Well-Known Member

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    I was in a work meeting with 3 pregnant women yesterday (16 weeks, 24 weeks & 36 weeks, I sit next to the 36 week lady at work) and I felt like fate was mocking me Lol! You have to laugh really or else you'd cry.

    It will be our turn one day girls. I didn't realise how common this feeling was! xx
     
    #15 Momoftheboo, Apr 30, 2016
    Last edited: Apr 30, 2016
  16. Sparklegirl

    Sparklegirl Well-Known Member

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    I think it is very common but people dont want to say anything because they worry not many others feel that way so they never say it. Id imagine its very common among TTCs
     

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