I don't know what to do

Discussion in 'Trying to Conceive' started by broody2013, May 15, 2016.

  1. broody2013

    broody2013 Well-Known Member

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    Every AF recently I have felt so down and upset about it. Even though this month I realised we had little to no chance it still hurts a lot. This will be month 22 of trying for our first and at the old age of 26 I don't understand where we are going wrong. My GP refuses to help until Feburary 2017 when they will refer for further tests.

    I don't know what to do. I actively avoid places where there will be lots of children and babies whenever I possibly can now. I cry at home quite often and I hate visiting my husbands family as all his (6!) nieces and nephews from age 1-6 look like my husband and it hurts especially when his family joke that his nephew is his double and is he sure he isn't his?!

    What I'm getting at is, no matter how hard I try, this is taking over my life in a negative way. I am in a major catch-22 as if we stop trying not only will I feel like a failure we will also not be able to get our referral sorted out as we will have to postpone it as they have to have it on their books that we have been TTC 2 years (we have done more but for some of that time it wasn't recommended so the GP won't count it). If we keep going it will keep taking over my life anyway so either way I am stuck feeling so crap all the time.

    I don't want to leave here really as I have received such lovely support, I have taken breaks for a short time but it doesn't stop the internal turmoil about not being able to give my husband a baby that he so desperately wants. It is really making me more depressed and it sometimes makes me feel like he would be better off without me.

    I don't know what else I can do?! I am taking supplements, following SMEP, eating healthily, exercising, I'm within a normal BMI, I am relatively young. I am stressed and I'll but there's only so much I can do about that and women have got pregnant in war zones before now so I doubt that's the only thing stopping us have a baby.

    I don't think there's a right answer :(
     
  2. Mackmummy

    Mackmummy Well-Known Member

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    Hi broody, I know it can be upsetting and I know it's difficult but the only advice I can offer is try to relax about it, hard to do I know. I was trying for over a year for my first. I was 40 when I gave birth so you're a spring chicken and got loads of time yet! Me and hubby went down the fertility route, because we were waiting for that to start I relaxed about it all knowing there was nothin else I could do I just forgot about it and hey presto, I got pregnant naturally! I honestly believe it's because I stopped thinking about it, we were making the bed and started messing about. And just had a laugh, one thing led to the other and nine months later (more like 10! He was very late!) my little Oscar popped out. Have you considered acupuncture or some kind of relaxing methods? Worth a try to get your mind off it. Good luck xxx
     
  3. lisey

    lisey Well-Known Member

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    Firstly, I am sending you a huge virtual hug xx

    Long term ttc is awful, painful and heartbreaking. I hope we all come out the other side with our beautiful babies.
    I think you are taking a good first step, going for a scan and potentially bloods. Will your doctor not even arrange bloods for you? Not for referral but just a hormone check-up? If not then have you thought about going private for some initial tests? I know its not cheap but I know how much it is all affecting you emotionally. I know because I have been there (I still am sometimes). You can go to some places that do a fertility check package, all the bloods and sperm analysis etc. You can also pay to have HSG (to check tubes) done privately. Mine was £425 but I am in London and everything costs more here.
    I am wondering if having some checks will help you feel a little more in control and have a focus in that respect. It helped me, as before all the tests and investigations, I just felt at a loss, I had no idea what was going on, I would over analyse and always come to the worst conclusions about everything.
    We are all here for you through it all broody, keep going. I am positive it will happen for you xx
     
    #3 lisey, May 15, 2016
    Last edited: May 15, 2016
  4. Sparklegirl

    Sparklegirl Well-Known Member

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    So sorry to read this, remember no matter what the demons may whisper to you on down days, your husband would not be better off without you. I am certain he is desperate for a baby with YOU not without. Thinking of you xx
     
  5. Charlotte9

    Charlotte9 Well-Known Member

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    Broody, so sorry you feel low. I highly recommend reading the book "How to communicate to child you meant have" . You will find the answer there. I love this book. Got a kindle version. X

    Sent from my Galaxy Nexus using Tapatalk
     
  6. MrsS15

    MrsS15 Well-Known Member

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    I really do feel for you so much Ann. I feel everything you say!

    We're on month 13 with 2 early losses. I feel like every day this struggle is taking over my life. I'm bitter it's such an easy ride for others but heart breaking for some!

    I agree with the girls suggestion of going private? If that's something you'd be able to do I would in a heartbeat. Lucky at the year mark my gp done bloods and an ultrasound and now after the second loss I'm getting more support. You aren't getting any and that's awful!

    I think that often about my hubby too but don't do it to yourself. My hubby said he'd have me every day over a child and I'm sure your hubby is the same!

    You're doing everything you can, I don't think there's anything else you could try. And I won't tell you to relax because if you're like me, it's like a red rag to a bull!!! I pray you just have a shy baby waiting for you and soon you'll get a super surprise bfp. I really root for you to get your baby all the time hun xxx
     
  7. broody2013

    broody2013 Well-Known Member

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    Thanks so much for all your kind supportive messages girls. It really means a lot. I have looked into acupuncture but the local lady I spoke to made me feel uncomfortable. I might try reflexology again though that's meant to be relaxing or I could look further afield for acupuncturists. The local fertility clinic charges quite a lot for fertility assessments but I think I might just go for it, I will try begging for further blood tests first but I doubt they will do anything like that. Xxx
     
  8. Syd43

    Syd43 Well-Known Member

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    Broody has your GP even done basic day 3 and day 21 blood tests?
     
  9. Lucyboo

    Lucyboo Well-Known Member

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    Maybe look at seeing a different doctor. Defo should look at getting basic bloods at least. I know its hard. Took us 2 years ttc and yesterday after 7 years of waiting my friend got her miracle twins xx
     
  10. Tigeress

    Tigeress Well-Known Member

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    So sorry broody, it really is a horrible journey for the long timers. I really feel for you but I think I will be with you in the same situation very soon. I don't have much advice but try to keep positive as that can also really affect ttc. Your partner will love you no matter what. We don't want you to leave but sometimes a little break can do wonders. Sending lots of luck and hugs xxx
     
  11. PeanutButter

    PeanutButter Well-Known Member

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    Sorry you feel so low :( Hugs!

    Im sure your OH would want you to be happy more than anything! I think having a break would be good, maybe just DTD for fun? I hope you feel better soon hun xx
     
  12. broody2013

    broody2013 Well-Known Member

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    Thanks girls. I still don't know what to do :( I think we will 'try' again this cycle as I will cry when I get my period regardless of wether we tried properly or not it's just a horrible reminder of being infertile.
     

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