Husband working so much!!!

[KarolinaMoon]

Hello!!

I'm at the end of my tether and hoping for some words of wisdom!!!
I have two little girls aged almost 4 and 16 months. When my second child was born she suffered very bad reflux and dairy intolerance and basically didn't sleep for the first 6 months. Even now she is still a bad sleeper. So lots of stress...resulting in me becoming ill from exhaustion. To top it all off the company my husband worked for closed down and he was left unemployed since April. He has been taking on various freelance work and working night shifts on weekends in a factory. He is also due to start a full time job in a few weeks. He is basically working round the clock and sometimes not even sleeping. I am left to do everything with the kids. To make matters worse he is doing the freelance work from home so having him sitting in the other room while I'm run off my feet with the kids. I understand that we need the money...but I'm getting so worn out and I have no family here to help me. I'm so confused about how I should view this to be honest....on the one hand I appreciate what he is doing, bringing money in, but I'm also getting infuriated with him because I feel we no longer have a family life anymore. Am I being ungrateful by feeling this way? It feels like by the end of it all there will be nothing of 'us' left....and yes he may have worked round the clock to bring money in...but surely there needs to be some balance? Any thoughts on this situation would be much appreciated! !

 

[El1en]

I have one 15 month old and my oh is a farmer and constantly working so I know how you feel.

if your oh is starting full time employment soon does that mean he will be 9-5? if that's the case I'd try and hold my tongue for a bit longer until her gets into his new role.

he's obviously trying very hard as the breadwinner, if he cut back a bit could you cope financially? if yes then ask him to do so a little if not then im not really sure what to suggest.

what you must not do is play the "who has it harder game? " he's working hard so is working as much as you, they're just different types of work.
Have you looked into childcare at all?

 

[flexilexi394]

Hi, I was just about to say pretty much what El1en said, basically I also have a fiance that works round the clock sometimes. He rarely sleeps either, I only have a 5 year old at the moment though and due any day to have our son.

The way I look at it is it isn't forever. It is until things settle financially and yes whilst bringing up two children can be exhausting, you also won't be in that position forever. Once he's got his full time job sorted won't that make it better for you both? I feel like a lot of the time I don't see my fella either but I can deal with that because I am sooooo grateful that he is off out to work all hours of the day just so we can live comfortably. I don't give him a hard time yet because I haven't got 2 kids, I only have the one which isn't his but I don't know if my opinion will change once I have had the baby and feel like I need help/sleep etc.

I hope you can find a way to get some rest, and maybe on his next day off have a nice family day together.

Also, take a candle lit bath, I absolutely love a candle lit bath! Helps my brain sort itself out. Put a few drops of lavender in it too xxx

 

[Szymon507]

Work takes a lot of time but how to reach the child's health problems, it can take all day.

 

[KarolinaMoon]

Thanks for your advise and sharing your experiences. I'm totally in agreement that all the work is to benefit the family and finances. However, when I say my husband spends NO time with me these days, I really mean No time at all. At times I feel like he can barely look at me. He never suggests even watching a film anymore. I just think that whilst I really appreciate all his hard work...it would not hurt to spend time with me for an hour or so even one night a week. But he doesn't even suggest it. My sister and family stayed one day and overnight at the weekend and he quizzed me when they left had they invited themselves or was it my idea...he wasn't happy that they had stayed. Well tbh I needed a break and some company. He gets out alot more than I do, and to deny me one night with my sister over just felt like a punch in the face. I really don't know what to think anymore. He thinks I am destroying us and has said I am.....but he will not entertain the possibility that it takes two to make a marraige. He is never at fault. Not sure what to think, I'm so confused about it all.