Husband planning to go on stag do when baby will be 4 weeks old - FTM

[mrsboj]

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[Blueclass]

Hi my OH works shift and does 3 nights at a time. When he does these I will be left to do the nights and the days as he will be asleep and only up for two hours before he leaves to go to work I know it's a little different to your situation but other than those 2 hours it's the same. I will be a first time mum and m also scared but I think when it comes to it we will be fine. It will be tough but j guess if we can't get help we just need to get on with it and luckily it's just those days.

 

[El1en]

I think you could do with someone around, mainly because... If you went 2 weeks over (hopefully not) and then needed a c-sec you'd need the extra support. Is it something he can book onto last minute if you're ok?

One of my oh's best friends planned his 3 day stag do abroad 3 weeks after my due date and I asked my oh not to go. I just couldn't be sure I wouldn't need the help

 

[Elfs Mummy]

I did it from day one alone it's perfectly manageable just make sure you prepared and organised. If you spend 4 days in your pjs you spend 4 days in your pjs x

 

[Jojo84]

Of you have a normal birth I'm sure you will be fine, it won't be easy but you will be okay. Donyoubhavw a friend who could maybe help you out during the day if you need a nap? What about your own family?

Mind if you have a c-section you may have to take him up on his offer to stay home. That said, by week 4 I was more or less doing everything after my section

 

[Elfs Mummy]

Forgot to add my daughter was born by csection I just took it easy x

 

[fcroxy]

Not quite the same but my OH had to go back to working 6 nights a week when my daughter was 5 days old so in the early days I was pretty much alone day and night, bar a few hours before or after he started work. I coped fine. Sleep or rest when baby sleeps and don't worry about housework etc as it can be caught up with when your husband is home. Like an above poster said if you gotta spend 4 days chilling in pjs there's no harm in it. I didn't get dressed much in the first few weeks tbh anyway haha xx

 

[Rooster30]

Personally, I wouldn't have liked it. But I do suffer with anxiety and unfortunately with me son I had depression too, so having my OH even leave for work was horrid for me.

My OH wants to go away for the F1 weekend this year (Thursday to Monday) and even now with two kids and all the experience behind me and a full bill of health, I seriously worry about it. I'm not mentally strong enough to go it alone for that long and would strongly rely on my folks for a helping hand.

 

[T84]

It's a hard one but I would personally say 4 days is too long. My husband works shifts also and that's bad enough but to be completely away for 4 days and you have no help. If you have friends or any other family that can help then I say go for it. If not I would take up your hubby's offer of not going x

 

[Rose83]

He doesn't anymore but my OH used to work for a band and went away for 5 days with them about 3-4 weeks after my daughter was born (so mid last January). I was fine but it does throw you in at the deep end a bit. I had a forceps delivery in theatre with a lot of stitching etc and got an infection so had a long recovery but I coped ok. It depends what your delivery is like, how you are normally with coping on your own etc. Is it something he could go on but come back easily if you really aren't coping? X

 

[mrsboj]

Thanks everyone. I am glad I am not the only one who is scared, and for a moment I did think I was over exaggerating which I now realise I am not.

I think we will just see what happens when I deliver, and right up to before he goes.

If I cope fine, with his support, then I will just grind through the 4 days alone. If I struggle, even with him around, I will ask him to stay. We will lose money on the flights etc. but I'd rather that than struggle on my own.

My mum can be around for 1 of the 4 days now, which is in the middle of the trip away so at least I can have a break and catch up on some sleep. Otherwise I have some friends that can come over in the evenings although they are not mums themselves but I'm sure they will be happy to make me some dinner or something LOL.

I'm sure I'll be fine, I was talking to someone at the weekend who said I'll probably enjoy the alone time with her. I'm deffo staying in my PJs haha!

I am just going to have in my head that he is definitely going and I will be very brave. Thanks again everyone.

 

[Lilalylola]

I personally think you will be fine, its only 4 days.
My husband needs to go back to work when my children were one week old and born via c section,he work very very long hours, days and nights.
You have 4 whole weeks to gain confidence with baby.

I hope you two can sort it out

 

[scn]

I think you'll be fine as well, yes you may find it tough but it's only 4 days and it's a once in a lifetime event for his brothers stag that he'll never get back if he misses xx

 

[Nathan]

I can understand you wanting your husband to got (not to hold him back )
But I'm sorry he shouldn't be going any where and he should be adamant on this from a mans point of view when my boy is born I won't be going any where I don't have to.

 

[Blueclass]

I understand nathans point of view but I do think it's his brothers stag and hopefully a one time thing. I wouldn't stop or ask my other half not to go. I would tell him to go and enjoy it. I'm not saying for one min it will be easy but there are so many single mums and some that have c sections and they just have to get on for well forever. It's 4 days get through it and when he gets back spend some time catching up on sleep and maybe treat your self to a bit of alone time. As someone else said you will have maybe 4 weeks to get used to it. I'm not really looking forward to when my OH goes back to work he will have 2 weeks of. He does 3 shifts at a time nights and days. So if he on nights I will do night feeds and the day as he will be sleeping. I know it's not completely the same but I will have to get on with it.
I think it's great that Nathan wants to be there for his baby but I just wouldn't want to make my OH miss out on that. Is there anyway your MIL can help or a brother sister either side?? Even if it's for a couple of hours for you to sleep and bath ect.
Hope I don't sound horrible as I don't mean it to be nasty.
I would say though if you really need him to stay I.E something goes wrong so you need c section or you have a really bad tear then maybe ask. Your fortunate that you can ask him, that I could understand but if it all goes well and no problems and you heal nicely maybe let him go. If you do it on your own your feel so proud of yourself esp as you are doubting your manage.
Wait and see how it all goes hun you might take to it like a duck to water and feel really confident and beg him to leave. X

 

[sophie_jane]

It's tricky because you don't know what your situation will be like, i.e. easy birth/c section/stitches and you also don't know what sort of a baby you will get!! They might be an angel and you'll be laughing that you were worried about being on your own, or they might have collic or something and you'll be tearing your hair out if you're left to cope with a constant screaming child for that long!
I would say book everything and hope for the best but if it came down to it, then he can cancel last minute. Would be a shame but totally understandable, I think.
Good luck!!