Husband having severe panic attacks

Discussion in 'Relationships' started by MrsMal835, Apr 8, 2019.

  1. MrsMal835

    MrsMal835 New Member

    Apr 8, 2019
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    I have 2 daughters (ages 5 and 3). I recently found out I am pregnant with my 3rd child. I always wanted a 3rd but my husband always said he wasn't ready for another yet. However, he always seemed to hint that he would maybe want another in the future. He would have me save baby items and even put the crib in the attic "just in case." We weren't trying to get pregnant and unfortunately assumed we were in a safe window right after my period. I ovulated almost a week early. Since I told my husband I am pregnant he has been extremely distant. I gave him his space and figured he just needed some time to process it all. He did this with my first 2 somewhat and eventually came around. Last night when we went to bed my husband began hyperventilating and uncontrollably crying. He was shaking so bad. I tried talking to him and he admitted that he "does not want this" and "nothing about it feels right." He said nothing will work anymore (we have a 3 bedroom home and my 2 girls share a bedroom and the other bedroom is very tiny and is their playroom. We have a fishing camp and will no longer be able to fit everything in our car including our dog if we have to put another car seat. My mother-in-law helps bring the kids to school and will not have room for a car seat.) I tried explaining that we will figure out solutions and do not have to face it all at once. He said he does not want to do it all again. He worries about losing sleep, not having time for us again, it effecting our 2 girls, not retiring when he wants, finances...etc. He is literally worrying about every possible thing imaginable all at once. He said he will not go to my first appointment "because he does not want this." He said he won't tell me what to do but if he were me he would not have it. He knows I couldn't do that. I feel so alone in this and he doesn't want me to tell anyone. I know this is definitely my last pregnancy so I want to badly to cherish it, but I am beyond devastated at the way my husband is reacting. I have never seen him like this before and he is refusing to get help or talk to anyone. I am worried this is all too much for him to handle and I don't know how to fix it. Has anyone else ever dealt with this sort of situation?
    #1 MrsMal835, Apr 8, 2019
    Last edited: Apr 8, 2019
  2. MissKW

    MissKW Well-Known Member

    Jul 19, 2017
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    I think it's just general anxiety, or maybe something else is going on that he has not told you about (worries at work etc maybe?).
    Any pregnancy can be hard to come to terms with as each time life is going to alter and never be the same as it was. That can be scary for most of us even if the pregnancy was planned.
    I think you really need to sit and have a heart to heart. Ask him why he wanted to save everything just incase, and why he didn't insist on using contraception if he didn't want to risk it, and try to find out why he is so worried about it. Also explain that you are worried and confused as to why he doesn't want it after those signals suggesting he does.
    I think if anything we're to happen and you lost the baby, or he pushed towards an abortion because he is so against it and you went ahead, he would most likely soon have a change of heart and would be grieving badly for the child who could have been a wonderful attition to the family.
    Yes it might be a tough few years but it will be worth it just like with the other 2. I have 2 siblings (we are all girls) and we are all sooo close, we help and support each other in every aspect of life and I couldn't imagine it being any different. We are best friends and take care of each other, its wonderful.
    My parents were poor but they managed despite never having any help, and they lived for us as they still do. Don't get me wrong it was tough at times but always worth it both for them and for us.
    I think maybe you need to try and get him excited about this baby, remind him how wonderful it was with the others, how cute newborns are, get him wondering about the sex (will the 2 girls have another sister or a brother this time), get him thinking of names, seeing how excited the girls are (hopefully), looking at baby cloths, thinking about what character and personality this baby will have etc and remind him of how great of a gift it is to have a baby and family, it really is the best and most rewarding thing you can have in life!
    Just support him as much as you can, reassure him that everything will be fine and there is always a way, that even if work is unstable he can still find other work and that you believe in him, that he has already done a great job helping to support the family etc.
    Also remember it's not your job to 'fix' anything, it took you both to make a baby, it didn't just happen on its own and he should have made his feelings known before a pregnancy happened. It's also not fair that he is putting such a stress and burden on your shoulders and making you feel alone and confused, I think it's actually a bit selfish of him.
    All you can do is try to understand why he is feeling such a way and remind him how amazing an attition to the family can be.
    Good luck and I hope he comes around for you soon!
  3. sammiesays

    sammiesays Member

    Jun 10, 2019
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    Very late reading this. Just wondering if there was an update? Did he come around? How are you all doing now?
  4. Kitana

    Kitana Moderator

    Aug 11, 2016
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    She hasn't logged in in almost 3 months... Hope all is better now.x

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