Husband Blames me for Everything

[KarolinaMoon]

Hello,

I'm having a bit of a nightmare at the moment with various struggles, mostly financial but also marraige related! Im so confused and dont really have anyone that I can discuss this with. Basically my husband and I keep having really bad arguments, often infront of the kids. I dont know if they are my fault or not, I feel so confused about it all! For example, today I looked after our kids age 2 and 4 all day ( like I do almost every day as well as work two part time jobs). I normally cook for everyone and clean too. This evening I went swimming for half an hour....and when I came home I could sense my husband was a bit strange with me. However I put it down to me being tired and reading thing wrongly and didnt say anything. Later on I was putting our kids to bed, and went downstairs to get one of them a drink. My husband came into the kitchen and made a comment about how busy he had been today and then proceeded to rhymn everything he had to do, including collecting one of our kids from nursery at lunchtime. I dont know if I was right to feel upset at this point because it has got to the point where I feel I am always in the wrong!! But I felt really quite upset and confused as to why he was telling me all this. I stayed calm and asked why are you telling me....to which he said that I had come downstairs n he thought I was angry that he was relaxing watching tv while I was putting kids to bed....and then said that I had got to go swimming. I told him that I definitely wasnt angry and not to assume things. That is when the argument really got going...he then told me that its ok to assume and that he wasnt wrong for assuming.....but that it wasnt ok for me to get upset about him rhyming off all he had done today.

Im really not sure how to view this or ehat to think tbh. Anything I say to him results in me being in the wrong...that is how it feels anyway! A big part of me doesnt even want to discuss it to try to resolve it because it inevitably results in him giving me a long lecture somethings with swear words thrown in...and its just too stressful.

Anyone able to give me their view on this as an outsider greatly appreciated!!!

 

[ruby2015]

Hi lovely, I don't know you at all but wish I could have you a big hug. I know exactly how you feel- this keeps happening to me too. I find myself constantly doubting myself and wondering if my feelings are justified or just a result of being over-tired or emotionally drained after a full day of childcare. You sound AMAZING- looking after everyone and doing 2 jobs as well. It is so incredibly difficult and men have no idea. it's sometimes v hard as everyone else looks like they've got it all sorted with perfect husbands and beautiful homes- I find Facebook hateful at the moment for this reason! I have come to the conclusion that I need to laugh things off more and not let everything upset me. It's hard though and I'm not managing yet- I feel my husband sometimes punishes me by being deliberately frosty, usually when I haven't given him enough attention or have asked him to do some of the childcare. It really drives us apart sometimes- I feel I'm trying my best but that he doesn't try HIS best. Ever. Anyway so sorry not to offer a solution but hopefully solidarity might give you some comfort. Chances are your OH genuinely believes he's not doing any harm and (like mine) feels jealous and resentful that your kids get more of your attention than he does. Just remember how brilliant you are- I'm full of respect for you for working so hard. I'm so glad you got to go for your swim!!!

 

[Blueclass]

Sounds like its a really tough place for you right now. Its not on that he acts like that. I don't have any suggestions really either so I am sorry. I just wanted to say I really feel for you. It's not ok to argue in front of the kids so I think you really need to look at what you want ect... I hope you feel better soon xx

 

[KHTW]

Sorry you have to deal with all that on top of work and raising you kids x

Men can be really clueless... I think you should sit your hubby down when kids are in bed and tell him in a few VERY SIMPLE words how you feel. Tell him EXACTLY how he can help make this relationship work better. But also, ask him if there is anything in particular that is making things difficult for him - so that this conversation is not only about what he does wrong or doesn't do.

Good luck x

 

[prayforme]

I'm sorry you are in that situation. I know it's a tough place for you right now, but you need to be strong. The two of you need to talk, don't wait too long.