How's it meant to feel ??

Discussion in 'Relationships' started by Sparklisam, Jan 16, 2016.

  1. Sparklisam

    Sparklisam Well-Known Member

    Jan 14, 2013
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    Probably a bit random. I've only ever had a long term relationship from when I was very young and it lasted 10+ years. We have separated all amicable with baby etc and I have stated to see someone new. I don't want to push him away but I'm not sure how I'm meant to feel ?? Will it ever be the same ... Is it meant to feel different .... Is he not the one if I'm questioning it ?? Am I just scared ? Previous partner cheated / cancelled wedding etc so lots of hurt but loved him dearly - first love. Any advise would be great xx
  2. Unicorn

    Unicorn Well-Known Member

    Jul 15, 2015
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    I was in a long term relationship from young for 13 years. On reflection the relationship wasn't great but I was absolutely in love with him and really felt like I couldn't live without him. Following the end of the relationship I dated other people and I am now happily married. I can say that I have never felt about anyone else like I felt about that first guy and I think that is a good thing! I now want my husband but do not need him, which feels much healthier. I think you know if the relationship is not right but don't make that decision by comparing it to how you felt about the last guy because he obviously wasn't right either! xx
    #2 Unicorn, Jan 16, 2016
    Last edited: Jan 16, 2016
  3. Kholl

    Kholl Well-Known Member

    Dec 13, 2015
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    SUCH wise words, Unicorn. Love is not this overwhelming desperation. I was with a man for 7 years, from 18-25, and there were so many tears over him, so many breakups, so many sacrifices because I thought I would die without him. It's not sustainable, and it's desperately unhealthy. There would have been no room for children and their needs in that relationship!

    Mature love is calm, peaceful, steady, dependable. It's not frantic and desperate and dramatic- and sometimes that can seem boring or uncertain. High-drama relationships are very compelling- they are an addiction, and that addiction is hard to break, and hard to forget. But lasting, solid love gets so much better over time, and is satisfying on a much deeper level.

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