We’ve been talking about having another kid for quite some time now. My husband knew that I wanted and I knew that he didn’t. We had several discussions about it and he told me, although he wouldn’t like another kid because he thinks that it would destroy our relationship, that he wouldn’t stand in my way if I really wanted to. He had said that also to our friends. Until then, our way of protection was coitus interruptus, so not the safest method. Then, in the beginning of the year I had some skin problems and I started to take the pill to get rid of it. My husband also knew about it and we started to have sex with him coming inside me. After e few months, I told him that I am not taking the pill any longer. He said OK, which means of course that we either go back to our old way of protection or continue and try for a baby. The next time we had sex, he came inside me, which I understood as him being ok with us trying for another baby. I didn’t even know if I could get pregnant again, as I’m almost 38 and 8 years have passed since we had our first daughter and I also didn’t take any measures, such as fertility tests, measuring the temperature or try to have sex on specific days. I thought, if it’s supposed to happen, it will. And it did. I was supposed to get my period the last weekend. It didn’t come, but I didn’t worry to much because my cycle has been quite irregular and up to 35 days isn’t anything special for me. But when it didn’t arrive on Monday I started to think, maybe I could be pregnant. I didn’t have any symptoms other than tender breasts, but that also happens before the period. So, on Tuesday morning, the day of my 38th birthday I did a pregnancy test and it came out positive. I didn’t really know how to react, I was happy and frightened at the same time. Because it was my birthday, my husband invited me to meet him and go for lunch. At lunch, I told him that I was pregnant and I was ready for all kind of reactions, but not this one. He asked me “But how? I mean how did that happened”? And I answered a bit in disbelief “What you mean how did that happened? We had sex and as I don’t take the pill any more for a couple of months, I got pregnant. I didn’t even know if I still was able to conceive but that what happened”. And then he started this whole conversation of “You’ve never told me that you were not taking the pill any more…I think it’s a bit convenient that you start talking about another kid and now you’re pregnant..” At this point, I couldn’t take it anymore. I had just found out I was pregnant and he’s accusing me of tricking him into having a baby. It’s not my fault that he didn’t realize what it means to NOT take the pill any more or that he was too distracted to listen. Too distracted to see that the pill package that I had kept on the top of the bathroom counter was not there anymore, too distracted to understand that sometimes my period was not coming on a specific day anymore. I started to cry and had to leave. I had to be alone. I was sad and confused. I was driving around the whole afternoon trying to make sense out of it. As I had to pick up our daughter from school we met back in the house at night and we talked. He told me again that I haven’t’ told him that I wasn’t taking the pill anymore and I told him again that I did. That this is going to destroy our life, our relationship and puts a lot of financial stress on us. The next two days passed on with some distance between us and yesterday night I asked him what he wants to do? We talked again and he is still blaming me that I was conscious (of course I was, I stopped the pill) and that I should have told him when he was coming inside me that I wasn’t on the pill anymore. So, I tell him before, but now he’s blaming me for not telling him during sex?! He’s telling me that he’s feeling empty inside, although he loves me and if the baby is here he will love it as he does our firstborn, but he still doesn’t know where it leaves us. “It’s a matter of trust” he told me. I was crying the whole night and still now. I feel that he puts all the responsibility on top of me. I feel that is what he always does. I have to take care of our daughter’s activities, playdates, paying the bills, from the maid to private school, make sure there is someone to pick her up, make sure we have groceries in the house when we run out, replace the vacuum cleaner when it gets broke and make sure to find the money for it, water the plants, clean the house when the maid is on holidays etc. (I have my own business and earn fairly well and he is employed) Now, he’s telling me that this baby will ruin our relationship and that he has had his opinion of not wanting a baby forever and this is not going to change overnight. I’m telling him that I think he’s creating a self-fulfilling prophecy and that everything is going to be fine, but I’m out of wit. I love him and I know he loves me, but I cannot keep being sad when I actually want to be happy and look forward to have this baby. Also, our daughter would like to have a sister. I really hope he can see the positive of all this and come back to us..
