How to tell a friend going through IVF?
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Pambi
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Following this for advice - my best friend is going through IVF again and I am currently 9 weeks. Its a bit different because we both have toddlers but I know she so desperately wants a brother or sister for her little boy. It took her 6 years last time and she's now in her late 30s.
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I found it much easier being told by email or text as you can react naturally, ie burst into tears but then wait until you feel ready to reply and congratulate the friend. Its worse when they tell you face to face and look for a reaction as you have to smile and be happy for them when you feel as if you've been punched in the stomach. I had to stay strong for a whole evening after my sister told me her news and then broke down as soon as I got in the car to go home.
She will be really sad it's not her but happy for you and as the others say it may take a while for her to get over it. You seem like a very thoughtful friend.
Let us know how it goes.
She will be really sad it's not her but happy for you and as the others say it may take a while for her to get over it. You seem like a very thoughtful friend.
Let us know how it goes.
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I would have to agree with the other girls text or email first with your news. I have had the face to face done on me by my sister and I broken down and couldnt face my sister for a while after. The second time she done it over text so much easier to deal with. X
kayelljay
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Thanks everyone, I think I probably will text her, probably on a Friday after work then she has the weekend to process before we are back at work again on the Monday
I hope you are all right about her not being angry at me, I think that and her feeling like she has no one to talk to about what she is going through are the 2 main things bothering me (and of course her being upset - so 3!) It's just seeing how she reacted with her best friend and SIL - she was really angry and was very nasty behind their backs, and even now (they are both around 7 months pregnant) she is still very nasty about them
I'm going to tell her when I get to around 12 weeks before I tell anyone else (I'm 6wks+3 atm) - will let yous know how it goes
I hope you are all right about her not being angry at me, I think that and her feeling like she has no one to talk to about what she is going through are the 2 main things bothering me (and of course her being upset - so 3!) It's just seeing how she reacted with her best friend and SIL - she was really angry and was very nasty behind their backs, and even now (they are both around 7 months pregnant) she is still very nasty about them
I'm going to tell her when I get to around 12 weeks before I tell anyone else (I'm 6wks+3 atm) - will let yous know how it goes
tinselcat
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I think if you prefix the message telling her that you've been worried about telling her, that might help.
Ultimately if she's going to be nasty, that's down to her and not you - you've been a good friend here. Jealousy and bitterness is normal, being downright horrid about people.. that may be more to do with her personality.
Wishing you all the best with your pregnancy xx
Ultimately if she's going to be nasty, that's down to her and not you - you've been a good friend here. Jealousy and bitterness is normal, being downright horrid about people.. that may be more to do with her personality.
Wishing you all the best with your pregnancy xx
Piglet's Mama
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Ah bless you, so nice of you to be concerned about her. I have this with two really great friends and my cousin.
One of my friends has been trying for her second since her first was born (conceived via IVF) 5 years ago and I think she's had two failed IVF attempts since. Recently we've confided in each other as I'd been trying for 9 months and I think she still continues to try now. I really worry about telling her that I've actually fallen pregnant now. And my other friend, she's been trying for her first for 2-3 years now, she's been having lots of tests done but I'm not sure she's any further forward.
It's so hard to know the right way to approach it. I know both of them would be so happy but also devastated inside too.
One of my friends has been trying for her second since her first was born (conceived via IVF) 5 years ago and I think she's had two failed IVF attempts since. Recently we've confided in each other as I'd been trying for 9 months and I think she still continues to try now. I really worry about telling her that I've actually fallen pregnant now. And my other friend, she's been trying for her first for 2-3 years now, she's been having lots of tests done but I'm not sure she's any further forward.
It's so hard to know the right way to approach it. I know both of them would be so happy but also devastated inside too.
kayelljay
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I think that's what makes it so hard, I know she will be devastated and even though I haven't got pregnant to affect her in any way, I know it will affect her and I hate that it will hurt her 
She went back for more tests yesterday and has her first counselling session next week so I'm hoping she got some positive news (won't see her til next week) I just wish it would happen for her too!
Hope it goes ok for you too Piglet's Mama and congrats btw too!
She went back for more tests yesterday and has her first counselling session next week so I'm hoping she got some positive news (won't see her til next week) I just wish it would happen for her too!
Hope it goes ok for you too Piglet's Mama
and congrats btw too!
GingerKitty
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Does she know you've been trying?
One of my friends found it very hard when another friend announced her pregnancy and she hadn't known she was even trying.
If you're good friends, she'll accept it and be happy for you, I'm sure - but she may need some space and that's something you'll have to accept. Leave the ball in her court and let her come to you when she's ready.
Good luck x
One of my friends found it very hard when another friend announced her pregnancy and she hadn't known she was even trying.
If you're good friends, she'll accept it and be happy for you, I'm sure - but she may need some space and that's something you'll have to accept. Leave the ball in her court and let her come to you when she's ready.
Good luck x
