How often

Discussion in 'Relationships' started by Robyner, Sep 1, 2016.

  1. Robyner

    Robyner Well-Known Member

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    How often do you and your partner do it?
    I've been married 6 years, been together 8.
    We are in our late 30'sand late 40's
    We hardly ever have sex, I think we've done it 3 times this year.
    I have always had a low sex drive but I've never refused and I love my husband but it seems he has completely lost interest now too.
    It's started to really worry me.
     
  2. Kholl

    Kholl Well-Known Member

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    We've also been married 6 years and together just over 8. For us we average 2-3 times a week, and it would be more often but we are often dealing with tough kid bedtimes or kids in our bed, etc.

    I'm sorry this is a worry for you, how long has it been like this?
     
  3. El1en

    El1en Well-Known Member

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    I've been with my oh 6.5 years and have a 15m old. we have sex 3-4 Times a week, we always have though.

    can you ask your oh if there's something wrong?

    you said you have a low sex drive but never refuse, have you tried instigating it? he may feel your not interested so isn't trying

    do you get lots of affection at other times? kissing cuddling etc
     
  4. GF91

    GF91 Well-Known Member

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    I've been with OH 4 years and we have an 18 month old. We do it once a month/every other month- if I'm lucky! In the beginning it was everyday multiple times a day, dwindled after time to a few times a week, then once a week, didn't sleep together at all when I was pregnant & hasn't picked up since. Not lack of trying on my behalf. OH just not in the mood at all, & I don't just try anymore. Xx
     
  5. Lilalylola

    Lilalylola Well-Known Member

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    Normally about 3 times a week. At the moment not at all, we both do not feel like it for now.
     
  6. BunnyN

    BunnyN Well-Known Member

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    We have been married 15 years and it goes through phases. The most we have ever gone without is probably about a month. Usually its more like 3/4 times a week. Pregnancy makes me horney, lol, so once I got past the 24hr a day sickness in tri 1 we have been dtd most days.
     
    #6 BunnyN, Sep 16, 2016
    Last edited: Sep 16, 2016
  7. Eryinera

    Eryinera Well-Known Member

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    We have been together 14 years we go through phases sometimes it's everyday others it's once evert 2 months. At its been nothing for nearly 3 weeks I've just been too sick :( he was sick before me. So it feels like ages but aby hint of any smell makes me sick be it garlic chocolate or soap I just can't handle anything! We are early 30's
     
    #7 Eryinera, Sep 17, 2016
    Last edited: Sep 17, 2016
  8. Mab

    Mab Member

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    Having a good sex life sometimes requires work.
    It's weird to think about it like that because as young adults it was just spontaneous and would just "happen".
    As we grow older and have responsibilities we need to start making it happen, sometimes scheduling it in advance.
    It's not exactly sexy to arrange it but you can spice it up by sending naughty messages during the day, telling each other that you're thinking about it and a random kiss on the neck or back rub before the "time".

    Humans are animals that prefer routines and sometimes that routine can end up being "no sex". I remember reading about a couple in a similar situation but where the man wanted and the woman just lost interest. One day she read something about just doing it, even if not in the mood. Once you start you're brain will tell you to keep going because it's a pleasurable thing. The woman went on a 30 day sex everyday! The guy said (he was the one writing the story online) that he thought she was giving him loads of sex before divorcing him because he had never gotten so much.
    At the end of the 30 days the woman had "retrained" her brain to want more and they now had the best sex life ever.

    It's a strange concept but unless there's pain associated with intercourse the more you do it the more you want it. Sometimes it just need a jump start to make the engine run properly again.

    Good luck!
     
  9. JamsMom

    JamsMom Well-Known Member

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    We've been together 6 years in December and go through phases, sometimes we'll be at it most days, other times we can go a few weeks usually if both working lots, tired or I'm reading a good book and can't wait to get back to that before I sleep :lol: we're both quite happy with our lack of routine, I think if you're both happy and don't mind it's ok. If one partner isn't happy with it then I agree with the above posts in maybe just 'training' yourself into a routine x
     
  10. Robyner

    Robyner Well-Known Member

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    Thanks for all your replies. I think there has been so many phases we have gone through as a couple and right now he is exhausted working round the clock and in different time zones so often due to travelling lots. I think the bottom line though is that he doesn't fancy me any more.
     
  11. Blueclass

    Blueclass Well-Known Member

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    How do you know he doesn't fancy you anymore? I fancy my OH but I can never be bothered and I'd rather have a cuddle after a long day.
     
  12. Papermoon

    Papermoon Well-Known Member

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    We've been married for for 7 months now, and it's been 3 times a week for us. :)
     
  13. Papermoon

    Papermoon Well-Known Member

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    Aaww it might not be that. Maybe the fatigue and exhaustion from working hard is affecting his ability to do anything. He might be too embarrassed to tell you.
     
  14. JamsMom

    JamsMom Well-Known Member

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    Have you told him how you feel? Honestly I can go ages without wanting any but I still fancy my partner :) I think when you've been together for ages you just don't get that first love excitement anymore and fancy each other in a different way sometimes xx
     
  15. Leighwiltshire

    Leighwiltshire Well-Known Member

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    me and my OH is like once a week, im 25 my sex drive is through the roof, he is 43 and he is always tired.

    he works 6 - 4 everyday monday to friday and one day over the weekend so i get it when i can.
     
  16. thinkpositive

    thinkpositive Active Member

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    Usually about 2-3 times a week for us, but that depends on how we're both feeling (tiredness, not in the mood ect) but we have gone 2 months without nothing sometimes, it doesn't mean we don't fancy each other... it's just things get in the way.
    Have you tried speaking to him about how you feel? He might have a reason as to why he's not been up to it recently xxx
     
  17. bellecat

    bellecat Well-Known Member

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    About twice a week for us, sometimes maybe even once. All depends on how the day has gone I suppose Lol!

    You should def speak to your OH. He might be feeling like you're only doing it to please him xx
     
  18. AlanaSwang

    AlanaSwang Member

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    For the last 7 years we came from 5 times a week to 5 times a month
     

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