How do you tell people

Discussion in 'Baby & Toddler' started by littlemonkey, Jul 11, 2013.

  1. littlemonkey

    littlemonkey Well-Known Member

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    About post natal depression? I'm sick of getting messages from well meaning people who want to see my baby and I asking why I've dropped off the face of the earth. My family are all aware of how tough I've found it, but where the hell do I even begin with those who haven't?!
     
  2. Little_angel

    Little_angel Well-Known Member

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    Do you have a partner? If so, get him/her to field the calls and messages. I don't know how old your baby is, but it's normal, PND or not, to want to hole up for a while. The first few weeks are tough for anyone so nobody should be hassling you.

    Hugs xxx
     
  3. babybee

    babybee Well-Known Member

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    I agree about getting your partner involved if possible.

    If not I wouldn't bother replying to people you don't really care about but friends you do care about I would send them a message saying that you've been very busy with lo, that you're getting used to the changes and that once you've settled you'll arrange a catch up? That stops them asking to come round etc and also to back off a bit without you needing to tell them about pnd (if you don't want too of course!)

    I hope people leave you alone!!xxx
     
  4. littlemonkey

    littlemonkey Well-Known Member

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    Baby is four months so it's kind of got past the 'oh I'm just settling into it still' stage. Some people have realised something's wrong cos I've not been around much and have been like 'let me know if you need anything'. I think OH would probably tell people to naff off and mind their own business! I don't mind people knowing really, it's just where to begin!
     
  5. Little_angel

    Little_angel Well-Known Member

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    Can you send a group email to everyone? Just let them know you're struggling and would like space for a while (if that's what you want). The real friends will still be there when you're ready. They will understand.

    Xxx
     
  6. Emamay

    Emamay Well-Known Member

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    If you don't mind people knowing...

    Everyone's got that gossipy friend, for lack of a better way of putting it...
    Next time she asks about meeting up/whatever -

    Dear so-and-so,
    I'm touched that you're still thinking of me, and I'd love to meet up soon. Right now, I'm dealing with a touch of PND, and I need to just figure out life with LO right now. I'm feeling okay, just need some time. I promise I'll be in tough soon, and we can arrange coffee/lunch/day out.
    Thank you for being there, and I'll talk to you soon.
    Love, Monkey xx

    Hopefully she'll spread the word and people will get the idea.

    Or, Facebook it.
    To everyone that has been asking about visiting me and LO... I'm afraid at this time I'm trying to cope with PND. I promise I'm okay, and I'll be in touch for meeting up soon, but for now I politely request you allow me some space to deal with this xx

    Or however you'd word it

    I'm glad you're so blasé about it "don't mind people knowing"... Shows you've accepted it, which makes dealing with it that much easier.

    I didn't get it myself, so I can't pretend to know how you feel... I hope it fades for you soon xx
     
  7. littlemonkey

    littlemonkey Well-Known Member

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    Emamay in truth I do mind people knowing, but one thing I've found is that my talking to people about how hard I've found it, it makes things so much easier. My main problem is I don't tell people I'm struggling or ask for help, I feel like I should be coping myself! As soon as I actually told people about how I'm feeling, it was like a weight had been lifted. I'd rather not air all my problems to people, but at least if they know they can either help or give me the space I need right now.
     
  8. NavyLouise

    NavyLouise Well-Known Member

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    It's hard because you don't want to admit that it's not going perfectly but you do want people to understand.
    I had a handful of friends who were constantly badgering me about wanting to see lo and meet up for lunch etc but the idea terrified me and I just wasn't ready, yet every time I tried to explain they didn't understand and would keep asking, making me feel worse!

    I think it's definitely a good idea to tell close friends, a Facebook message or text might make it easier to say what you need? Only one of my friends knows a bit about my PND, I can never find the words to tell anyone else but I do feel I've made it harder for myself in this way because now people think I've always been doing fine!
     
  9. Emily0505

    Emily0505 Well-Known Member

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    I told everyone about my PND- fanily, friends, work colleagues. I felt so ashamed of the fact I was depressed at what should be the happiest time in my life but then became determined to break the stigma attatched to mental health issues and talk openly and hinestly about it.

    I have to say everyone has been beyond supportive and so understanding. Although it was hard, I'm glad I spoke out as it really helped me and it helped them help me.

    Perhaps start slow and tell one or two of your closest friends and see how you feel. You have nothing to be ashamed of and I'm sure your friends will all understand and support you with whatever you need.

    :hug:

    XX
     

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