How do you know when your ready to TTC again?

Discussion in 'Coping with Miscarriage & Loss' started by Balthazar1275, Jun 17, 2013.

  1. Balthazar1275

    Balthazar1275 Well-Known Member

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    As the title says how do you know when your ready to start TTC again?
    I have now had three 1st trimester losses, the most recent one ended just last week. I am really struggling to come to terms with this. I am not sleeping or eating properly and I burst into tears several times through the day. My heart is just broken.
    I know my husband is still desperate to be a Dad and I want to be a Mum just as much but I know in my heart and my head that I can't take any more losses. I am not strong enough.
    Not only that I can't keep taking time off work due to feeling so sick in early pregnancy or recovering from miscarriages.
    How do you know when your ready to go through all that again and take that chance that it might work out or call it a day and look into other options of being parents?
    We were lucky enough to be referred to the hospital for tests after our 2nd miscarriage and the Consultant took lots of bloods from myself and my husband which all came back absolutely normal. He said no further tests were required and that he didn't see any reason why we wouldn't fall pregnant again soon and go on to have a healthy pregnancy and here we are 2 months down the line recovering from another loss.

    Michelle x
     
  2. T84

    T84 Well-Known Member

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    Hi Michelle, so sorry you are having a bad time! I'm not sure i qualify to answer your question, I know how horrendous 1 loss was for me, I can't imagine 3. :-( all I can say is listen to your body and you will know when the time is right for you. Your still grieving from mc, so you do whatever feels best for you. Massive hugs :hugs: x x
     
  3. CARNAT22

    CARNAT22 Well-Known Member

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    Before TTC I think you need to get back to the recurrent miscarriage clinic and find out what was tested for an what can still be tested for?

    Sounds as though you had your blood tested already.

    Did hubby have any blood taken?

    Also were you given an internal scan?

    My 1st loss was awful (spanned 3.5 months from initial spotting until I finally stopped bleeding completely) but my 2nd and 3rd losses were much earlier and to a degree simpler.

    I won't lie I was like a crazy woman and life became about getting my sticky bean.... But I am proof it can and does happen sweetie.

    You are still grieving for your recent loss so I think you need to get through this to begin with and then assess with hubby how you want to proceed?

    xxxxxxxx
     
  4. diane

    diane Well-Known Member

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    I agree with nat, ask what was tested for at the clinic. We also had to have a sperm test as that can have an impact on recurrent miscarriages too.

    I think that you do need time to grieve the losses. It does get to a point where it all becomes too much and it did for me, but my husband convinced me to keep going and that was the month I got my sticky. In my case, I found out I had a chromosome issue so I was always aware that one month I might get the "good" egg and I couldn't bear to not try and let the egg go to waste. Also eventually I became numb to all.

    Good luck Hun, I'm positive it will happen for you, but take time to grieve xxx
     
  5. Balthazar1275

    Balthazar1275 Well-Known Member

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    The Consultant tested both myself and my husbands blood for chromosomal issues, I was also tested for anti lupus antibodies and antiphospholipid syndrome. All came back totally normal. No issues for either of us. He said he didn't need to do any further test at that point but what else could he do now we have had our 3rd loss?

    Michelle x
     
  6. diane

    diane Well-Known Member

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    You should be tested for chromosome abnormalities, progesterone, fsh levels, blood clotting disorders, sperm test for husband, rubella, diabetes, pcos, chylamidia antibodies, scan to check uterus...That was all standard as part of my first round of testing. I think that's everything xxx
     
  7. Cosmogirl7

    Cosmogirl7 Well-Known Member

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    Hi Michelle,

    Obviously everything is still so raw and 3 losses must be so tough, I know mine and my husbands hearts are breaking after our loss last week. I think as the girls say above you'll just know when you're ready. In our case we're desperate to try again and have managed to bd once since my D&C last week but I can totally understand you would be so much more cautious after 3 losses. I'm sure you've done lots of googling on the subject and 3 miscarriages can still be considered to be fairly common. These things are sent to try us but I'm sure you and husband will get through it and be stronger and appreciate your little one even more when he or she comes along.

    Take some time, plan some nice different things to do with your husband at the weekends and hopefully you feel ready for ttc again soon.

    Gill xxx
     
  8. Balthazar1275

    Balthazar1275 Well-Known Member

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    Thank you all so much for your help and advice.
    As you say it's still a bit soon to make any kind of firm decision but I now at least know there are a lot more tests that can be done if we get referred back to the recurrent miscarriage clinic if we want to TTC again.

    Michelle x
     
  9. lozzalozza

    lozzalozza Well-Known Member

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    I don't have any great words of wisdom just wanted to say how sorry I am that are going through this. Don't think there is a right or wrong time for ttc just what feels ok. Take care xxx.
     
  10. CARNAT22

    CARNAT22 Well-Known Member

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    A lot of what we were tested for I didn't know! They took 14 vials of blood in one sitting though and all I knew is that it was a full blood screen. OH also gave 3 vials.

    They gave me / us the all clear for all you list above when we went back, the only thing we never did was sperm test.

    I had an internal as well to check for fibroids and cysts

    xxxxxxx
     
    #10 CARNAT22, Jun 17, 2013
    Last edited: Jun 17, 2013
  11. Mummy2toddler

    Mummy2toddler Well-Known Member

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    So sorry you're going through this again Michelle. I was also tested after my second miscarriage and I think they tested for blood clotting disorder and progesterone. My bloods came back normal but I was adviced to take baby aspirin 75mg a day while ttc and continue when pregnant and I also have progesterone pessarys. I'm now 10 weeks today and although I aren't out the woods yet I'm further along then I was with my miscarriages. After my second mc we decided to ttc straight away. It could be worth asking about baby aspirin. So sorry again :hugs: xx
     
  12. Daley

    Daley Well-Known Member

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    Big hugs Hun. Only you can decide when your ready to TTC again Hun. I want to straight away but hubby is still unsure. Do what feels right for you and your oh xxxxx

    As for the tests, I hope you get the answers u deserve x
     
  13. laurat

    laurat Well-Known Member

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    Im really sorry for your losses honey! I think that you know when your ready to try again emotionally and that unfortunately there is no set time frame. Take the time that you need and when it feels right it inyourself will be the right time! Xxx
     
  14. leean10

    leean10 Well-Known Member

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    Hi hon, I am sorry for your losses and as some of the other ladies have said, get yourself referred back to the RMC and get more tests done.

    I have been re-referred again after my 6th mc last month and I am currently into my 2ww, I have the odd bad day and I don't ever forget but it will get easier to deal with. I am trying to stay positive now as I have been told that I will go on to have a perfectly healthy baby of my own one day. I have a blood clotting disorder which was found in my tests done last year but my doctor wanted me seen again after my most recent mc to make sure there is nothing else untoward that is causing my problems.

    You start TTC to when you feel ready and you are still grieving so it may take a few weeks yet but you will start again and it will happen for you one day. Good luck hon xx
     
  15. Natalilly1288

    Natalilly1288 Well-Known Member

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    I've just had my 2nd mc and I no exactly how you feel wanting something so bad but just so scared it will happen again I'm petrified I'm just so hoping it will happen soon I haven't got any advice for you Hun just wanted you to know your not alone big hugs take care xxxxxxx
     
  16. Iwant3

    Iwant3 Well-Known Member

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    That decision is very personal......you will know when you feel ready. for me the only thing that helps me through is to think about the new hope of a new cycle......if the hospital had said I had had to wait before ttc again I think for me that would have been worse!

    I hope you are both ok and enjoying your furbaby :)
     

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