I'm so happy I found this forum. I've been looking at other pregnancy forums but it's hard to relate to people going through a normal, happy pregnancy when you are so nervous yourself. How do the rest of you handle the anxiety of a high risk pregnancy? About me: I've got systemic lupus, I'm pregnant in week 7 and I've had 1 previous pregnancy. It was a twin pregnancy and I got horrible ill and was omitted frequently to the hospital. The doctors kept telling me that nothing was wrong with the kids, until the moment where they told me it was severe preeclampsia and Hellp-syndrome, and that I needed an emergency C-section within the next hours if I wasn't going to die. That was in week 25. The last thing I remember before the narcosis hit, was a doctor telling me that both my kids would probably be dead when I woke up. It turned out they both were alive when I woke, but my one son was too small (453 g) to be treated with respirator, and my husband held him while he died. I couldn't hold him because I was still dazed from the narcosis. My other son (512 g) was hospitalized for 8 months. Until last year the doctors advised strongly against more pregnancies, but finally my blood work was OK. I thought I was more or less at peace with what happened (it's almost 15 years ago now), but it turns out I'm not. I don't know if I can bring myself to trust the doctors again, and I don't know how to stop all the thoughts about things that might go wrong this time too. How do you handle it?