How do you handle the anxiety?

Discussion in 'High Risk Pregnancy' started by Morgause, Apr 5, 2016.

  1. Morgause

    Morgause Member

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    I'm so happy I found this forum. I've been looking at other pregnancy forums but it's hard to relate to people going through a normal, happy pregnancy when you are so nervous yourself. How do the rest of you handle the anxiety of a high risk pregnancy?

    About me:
    I've got systemic lupus, I'm pregnant in week 7 and I've had 1 previous pregnancy. It was a twin pregnancy and I got horrible ill and was omitted frequently to the hospital. The doctors kept telling me that nothing was wrong with the kids, until the moment where they told me it was severe preeclampsia and Hellp-syndrome, and that I needed an emergency C-section within the next hours if I wasn't going to die. That was in week 25. The last thing I remember before the narcosis hit, was a doctor telling me that both my kids would probably be dead when I woke up. It turned out they both were alive when I woke, but my one son was too small (453 g) to be treated with respirator, and my husband held him while he died. I couldn't hold him because I was still dazed from the narcosis. My other son (512 g) was hospitalized for 8 months.

    Until last year the doctors advised strongly against more pregnancies, but finally my blood work was OK. I thought I was more or less at peace with what happened (it's almost 15 years ago now), but it turns out I'm not. I don't know if I can bring myself to trust the doctors again, and I don't know how to stop all the thoughts about things that might go wrong this time too. How do you handle it?
     
  2. Blueclass

    Blueclass Well-Known Member

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    Hi I don't know how you got through what you did. You both must be so strong. How is you son now? I can't really relate to your story but il this is my first pregnancy and i'm truly terrified. Iv not been able to bond withy baby yet I still feel like if I do something will go wrong. I miscarriaged before. I'm sure if you explain all your fears to your gp they will do all they can to reassure you. I'm sure it's easier said than done to relax. All the best hun. X
     
  3. Morgause

    Morgause Member

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    I'm sorry about your miscarriage. I must be hard to relax and expect the best after that. I do hope all the best for you. I have the same problem with bonding with my baby. My friend who is a midwife says it's important that I let go of the fear and enjoy the pregnancy, but I don't know how I can? It's so much easier to decide than to do.

    Thankfully, my son is doing great. He will be 15 next month and is 1.85 m. / 6 feet now, so not so small anymore. :) Looking back I can't say I was tough. You get through something like that because there is no other option. You take one day at a time and suddenly enough time has passed and you can breathe again.
     
  4. Blueclass

    Blueclass Well-Known Member

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    It's good to know his doing well and so tall! I think it is just a case of trying to get on with our pregnancies and trying to keep positive. I spoke to my mw and she told me the same as yours. She said baby should be ok at my stage and if she was to come she has a good chance. I tried explaining hthat I know that but still I worry, what if something happens in the night and i'm asleep so I don't know..
    I am trying to talk to my bump more and husband has started reading to her lol. I still feel worried though and I think that's just how it is. My husband knows I am not really enjoying pregnancy he says he doubts il want more children after this. Maybe if I had another it would be easier but I think with this one I want it over with and her here so I can see and feel her.x
     
  5. Morgause

    Morgause Member

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    I don't think you can sleep from it if something is wrong. Your body will definitely tell you.
    How far are you now?

    I'm sure it will be much easier for you with another pregnancy when this one has turned out all right. Then you will know 100% that it's possible. And I promise you - holding your own child in your arms is worth all the worrying.

    I had my first scanning today. I'm still so early - only week 6 as it turns out - that the doctor couldn't see the heart yet. Then he told me, that because of my age there is a higher risk for abortion, so he wants to scan me again next week. He implied that it would be an abortion if there isn't a visible heart then. I know I have a higher risk due to age an illness. I really didn't need him telling me. Now I'm 10 times more nervous. :(
     
    #5 Morgause, Apr 8, 2016
    Last edited: Apr 8, 2016
  6. Blueclass

    Blueclass Well-Known Member

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    Oh that's not nice to hear especially when you already know. I had a scan at 6 weeks didn't see a heart heat but I did the week later so keeping everything crossed for you. I'm 31 weeks today so nearly there xx
     
  7. Morgause

    Morgause Member

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    Then - even if things go bad, the chances for your baby are good. He or she is so big now, that the doctors will be able to do a lot. We were at the neonatal ward for 3 months and all the kids we saw who were born after week 29 made it. Of course it's no guarentee but I hope it might help to ease your worry a bit.
     
    #7 Morgause, Apr 8, 2016
    Last edited: Apr 8, 2016
  8. Blueclass

    Blueclass Well-Known Member

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    Yeah I'm sure she will be fine. I think as soon as you find out your pregnant the worrying never stops. Even once they are here it doesn't stop x
     

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