How do you divide the work load? :(

Discussion in 'Baby & Toddler' started by MissTortington, May 20, 2013.

  1. MissTortington

    MissTortington Well-Known Member

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    I made a deal with my OH that if he gets up and makes a bottle, I will change the nappies and give the bottle - during the night and during the day. This means I'm still doing plenty and not being "lazy" but I get to put my feet up and rest and not have to jump up and down from my seat or get out of bed at night.
    I think this is very fair, and have always defended this as our way of doing things. However I'm feeling a bit taken for granted. :roll: I'm more than happy for my OH to go straight back to sleep when he returns with the freshly made milk, because I'd rather have him rested.. I just feel like he's not rested and is taking it out on me.

    I feel like every day he keeps making snidey digs (or "jokes" as he calls them) about how he's let me get an extra hour or twos sleep (if you can call it that) by getting up with Isaac to give him his breakfast and leaving me in bed for a bit longer. But I'm the one spending at least 3 hours a night sitting up, exhausted, back killing me, feeding Hamish and changing his nappies. I got full on pooped on last night! Projectile pooped onto my BOOBS. All the while listening to my darling OH snore beside me. But yet in the morning, because I get to stay in bed for upto 2 hours more he makes digs :(


    How do you divide the load? Any better ways of doing things?
     
  2. sallybee

    sallybee Well-Known Member

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    We alternate nights to do the night feeds and wake up in the morning with her, so we each get a full nights sleep (8+ hours) every other night. I do everything in the day except the odd bottle.

    I can see why it wouldn't work for everyone as even though my OH works full time he copes on the days where he's tired (but at nearly 6 months they are very rare now). But it works for us. Xx


     
  3. Welshhunniexx

    Welshhunniexx Well-Known Member

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    destiny gets up around 5:30-6am and my OH gets up with her. I get up around 8:30 and he usually goes back to sleep around 10am until around 1:00-1:30pm. He is always complaining that he is shattered though but its because he stays up till about 1am on the laptop where as I go to sleep around 11:30pm. I keep saying to him to go to sleep earlier but nah he wont.
    Mind you, I have alot of medical problems, I do 90% of the housework and im the main one to feed and play with the girls.
     
  4. diane

    diane Well-Known Member

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    I do everything whilst my hubby is at work till 3/4 then he generally gives her her last 2 bottles (I prepare them), baths her when she needs it and does generally look after her. She sleeps all night but when she used to wake I'd do the prep, feed and nappy. I also sort out all her bottles (washing sterilizing).
     
  5. kittyrooroo

    kittyrooroo Well-Known Member

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    It's hard in the beginning, we tried so many different systems! In the end I would just go to bed early at 9.30ish and OH would do the 10pm and 1am feed and I would do the 4am and then get up with the baby at 7. It meant we didn't have much time together in the evenings but I got 6 and a half hours of good sleep and then another 3 hours and OH got 1am til 8am when he got up for work.

    It was a lot easier once he started sleeping through at 7 weeks though, now we just take it in turns to get up at 7 with the baby. The digs and jokes are just grumpiness and I felt taken for granted at the beginning too. He likes to make out he's 'exhausted' and tells everyone he's had no sleep whereas I act like super mum and claim I'm well rested even when I'm not! Xxx
     
  6. tweetyfoo

    tweetyfoo Well-Known Member

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    I do most of everything, as I just don't think its right to expect DH to get up during the night when he's at work the next day (thats just my personal choice) - weekends are fair game though!

    In the evenings, DH will mostly do bath, bottle, bed routine with Aaron - as I cook dinner and get on with housework etc.

    In the mornings I will get up to get the bottle from the fridge and heat it and DH will feed Aaron while I express.

    At the weekend, we pretty much split everything 50/50
     
  7. Ella1979

    Ella1979 Well-Known Member

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    I do 100% of the work load during the week. Our LO gets up at 7am (OH is out to work at 7.10) and goes to bed at 6pm (OH gets in at 7pm). At the weekend, we pretty much share the load. I get our LO up and feed her, but he washes and dresses her, plays with her and helps with all the feeds.

    At the beginning when we were still getting up at night, we'd both get up and help each other get stuff done so that all 3 of us could be back in bed as soon as possible! We were lucky that she slept through the night so quickly, but my OH did complain when she was getting up at 5am as he wasn't getting back to sleep.
     
  8. MissTortington

    MissTortington Well-Known Member

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    See this is what we are like! =/ He keeps saying how he's over exhausted but he doesn't work at the moment (He starts college in a few months) and I have some major health problems. I think sometimes he forgets that when he says he's exhausted because he didn't get that much sleep the night before, I've had a hell of a lot less sleep than him even if I do get to stay in bed and rest, I still have Hamish in the room with me and deal with him every time he stirs.
    He does all the cooking, but I have changed every nappy and given Hamish every bottle.

    Yesterday I actually made him go to the cinema and a wander in town (we had planned to see fast and furious 6 before Hamish was born but he was 2 weeks early) and I stayed at home with both kids, did all the housework and breakfast, lunch etc. for both kids.

    See, I don't mind at all. All I mind is the jokes. I'm still recovering from childbirth and I feel like I'm having it rubbed in my face any time I take extra rest... Offer him a nap? God no, he wouldn't want to. But it's okay to make me feel bad for taking the sleep when I can get it.. :'[
     
  9. Lolly85x

    Lolly85x Well-Known Member

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    I've always done the night feeds, I'm the same as Tweety I didn't expect my OH to do it while he was at work and I was on mat leave. If I was really tired then he always took a turn. And he would do it at the weekends when he was off. My oh is good at doing stuff around the house too which is a big help.
    As for bottles etc I think we just do it like whoever is not doing anything when they need made. I probably do 90% of the nappy changes, and we alternate bath nights.
     
  10. clairebear22

    clairebear22 Well-Known Member

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    I do the majority of everything, housework and for the boys. My OH works 12 hour days including a lot of weekends and he has a very physical job. I don't see how it's fair that he does the night shift so unless both boys wake up (like the past 2 nights as they both have coughs & colds) I let him sleep and make feeds/feed & change Harry.

    He gets up with us in the morning and I get to whizz around the house sterilising bottles, loading/unloading the dishwasher, putting a washload on and having a general tidy before he goes to work. Then the same happens when he gets home but I make dinner too. If he's home he'll help me bath the boys and obviously if I asked him to do anything he would without question but I like keeping the house clean/tidy and I like making sure we all eat healthily which is why I do it all myself. I'm at home all day so I see it as my 'role' in the family. If that makes me oldfashioned then so be it lol. I love love love looking after my 3 boys :) x
     
  11. Leah04x

    Leah04x Well-Known Member

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    In the very early days, I'd go to bed early at about 9pm and get a few hours sleep for the night ahead while my OH stayed up to do the late feed and the early hours feed. I'd then take over when he went to bed at about 2am until the morning and then get up in the morning with Ethan too. It worked for us at the time.

    Now, I do 100% of everything during the day as OH works. In the evenings, I still do 90% of the feeds and nappy changes. I then have a bath with Ethan, my OH gets him dry and in his pjs, then I give him his bedtime bottle and get him settled while OH cooks dinner.

    As for housework, I do everything on a day to day basis. OH puts the bins out and cooks dinner every night. He'll also do a big clean of bathrooms etc on Sundays.

    My OH works 6 days a week, so only has one lie in a week. So weekends aren't any different to during the week for us, as my OH always has his lie in on Sundays. The only time I get a break or a lie in is when Ethan has a sleepover at his nannies house.

    Xx
     
  12. CARNAT22

    CARNAT22 Well-Known Member

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    We did the same as Leah.

    James would sleep for a few hours from about 9pm so I'd go to bed and OH would have him in the living room in his carry-cot.

    I'd then get up when he needed his next feed and do the night shift. Getting those few hours was the only reason I coped.

    James was sleeping through by about 9-10 weeks so there wasn't any issue about night feeds and as I am at home and OH works full time I do the lions share of the house work. I also do all of the baby stuff - so all the feeds and bum changes...

    OH does have James for an hour every evening whilst I prep and cook dinner (I like to cook and it's a welcome break) he also has a bath with James most nights and will have him for a few hours at weekends.

    I don't mind how things are at the moment, OH has a very manual job so I am happy to do the majority. It took me a while to get in the swing of things though. Now I have a good routine and get most of the housework done in the morning whilst James is playing / napping.

    xxxxxxxx
     
    #12 CARNAT22, May 20, 2013
    Last edited: May 20, 2013
  13. littlemonkey

    littlemonkey Well-Known Member

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    If he doesn't think it's fair, offer him a swap. I think he may quickly find the grass isn't greener!

    My OH moans like mad when he has to get up in the night on a work night or when he's tired. But he's the sort who just moans for the sake of it and can't do anything without complaining (think Homer Simpson!). It must have been the night for it last night cos our little fella threw up in bed while I was feeding him like something out the exorcist! OH was moaning and complaing about changing the bed while I changed LO and I. I've told him he can sleep on the sofa from now on in the week if he wants peace cos I'm sick of him moaning!

    Generally on a work night I'll try to do the lions share. I might ask OH to rock the little fella in his basket, cos he can stay in bed and do that, or quick heat up a bottle while I do a bum change. But I try not to disturb him unless I'm shattered or wee man is fussy. On nights when OH isn't in work the next day, he'll do most if it, but I generally still get woken by wee man and will offer to help.
     
  14. Mrs Wibbily

    Mrs Wibbily Well-Known Member

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    This is me, although my house is a shit hole as can't keep up with it all!Ha ha. I like the "traditional" housewife role!X
     
  15. Lynds77

    Lynds77 Well-Known Member

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    during the week when hubby works, I do everything. I get up to soothe, change and feed. He usually has no idea as he is a deep sleeper

    at the weekends I give him a dig in the ribs to get up to her, but mostly I still do it myself. On Saturday mornings he gets up with her and i get a "lie in". I never really manage it though as I can always hear her crying and end up getting up to help then going back to bed. Up to help, back to bad and so on!

    once in a blue moon he sleeps in the nursery so I can have our room to myself (so his snoring doesnt wake me up) and I turn off all the baby monitors so I can get a full nights sleep.

    I also have a rule that whomever makes dinner (I dont remember the last time he made dinner) does not also have to wash all the bottles at night time. So he does that before bed
     
  16. lovelylily

    lovelylily Well-Known Member

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    I do everything except the dream feed which my husband does. We share bath and bedtime and if lily wakes in the night and I'm not already awake then oh will see to her. When we only had one child though it was always me who got up for lily, even once i was back at work. I don't mind doing nights when I'm on mat leave though. I cope better with no sleep than he does :)

    At weekends we share the load in the day but i still do nights. We share housework though and at the weekends my husband does more than me cos I'm often feeding or grabbing snatches of 1:1 time with my daughter.
     
  17. Belfast girl

    Belfast girl Well-Known Member

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    I do 100% of everything. The only things my OH does is put my eldest down and the dreamfeed for T. During the weekend its fair game. He tries to take T a bit more during the weekend to allow me some quality time with my eldest.

    I am not working and he is, so if either got up during the night I would get up and see to them. Fairs fair. Besides he doesn't do the housework up to my standard.

    Oh and he does the ironing.
     
  18. HopesDreams

    HopesDreams Well-Known Member

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    Until I meet a rich, handsome, very generous man I am doing 100% of everything. :) O is worth it though, even if I do gripe sometimes. :)
     
  19. tiggy85

    tiggy85 Well-Known Member

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    I feel like we have a good balance, and am lucky to have a lovely supportive husband. Hubbie does Lucas bath and gets him ready for bed then I breastfeed him and put him to bed whilst hubby does the dinner. Then in the early days hubbie would do the first night feed whilst I went to bed early. Then I would do the following night feeds or wake ups. But now baby is sleeping through we both stay in bed unless I hear him stir and then I generally check on him or if hubby gets up for the loo (he has a weaker bladder than me!) then he will check on him.
     
  20. Gayle30

    Gayle30 Well-Known Member

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    Oh this is easy....I do not share! I do 100% of everything. That includes all baby related caring, cooking, cleaning, bottles, washing, ironing, the garden and at the moment I'm also attempting to pack to move to our new home next week. To be fair, my OHworks 7 days per week and each night he's been renovating our new home. During the day for the last 3 weeks I've walked back n forth between the houses to look after workmen, make tea, take lunches for them etc.

    I am shattered. It will all be worth it I'm sure. Oh and my darling oh has only done 1 night feed!!!!!! Thank god they stopped at 7 weeks old :) xxx
     

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