How did it affect your relationship?

[xJodieLoux]

Yesterday I had a scan that confirmed I had m/c.

Then my OH split up with me last night

He said some really horrrible things to me and said he didnt want to be with me, then I said well what if I hadnt of lost baby? And he just said really nasty "I was gonna f**k you off anyway." (sorry about the language but that is what he said) And with that, I punched him in the face! Then he was blaming eveything on me and saying he didnt mean what he said and he would of made up with me, but because I hit him he doesnt want to.

Then this morning he asked me if I wat another chance and obviously I want things to work because I love him and we have been through so much, so I said "yes, but you need to stop saying things you dont mean and I need to not hit you again, which I wont." Then he just said "whos calling the shots here? not you, Ive got to go now anyway, bye". And he hung up the phone.

I hoped the m/c would bring us closer together but obviously its doing the opposite. Im an absolute wreck right now. I dont know what to do.

 

[claire81]

Hi

I was sickened when i read this post, i really don't know what to say.

 

[Princess_Puddles]

What a t*sser i'm sorry but he's not worth it hun, you may love him but for someone to be as cruel as that you can do alot better & dont feel bad about hitting him, i'd do the same if i was in you position.

 

[Sarah&Braydon]

oh hun im so sorry wot a basta*d as if uv not got enough to cope with

ull be better without him hun were all here if u need us

 

[mummykay]

ur better off without that spineless tw@t, i hope uv packed his bags and thrown them out on the street cos u do not need that shite

 

[xJodieLoux]

He's being ok now, he said lets just forget about it. I know what he wanted, he wanted me to beg for him but I didnt. He's abit of a control freak, I think its because he's insecure deep down. We will get through it I think its because we are both so shocked and upset.

 

[EmB]

Im sorry things are going like this for you. Im sure its just the way you are both 'coping' with what has happened. When i had my first miscarriage i couldnt let my boyfriend anywhere near me as i was so confused about everything. I closed up and shut myself away from everyone. We got through it though and within the month we had conceived our daughter.
There is light at the end of the tunnel, you just need to talk to each other and try to be honest about your feelings.
Good luck, my thoughts are with you.

 

[sazzleevans]

Hi

I am so sorry this is all happening to you. The thing that interested me is the way he is turning all this on you. We had a thread on this type of argument before.

I know this is going off the topic slightly but i would be careful. Some men are very good at turning things around so that you feel guilty and end up apologising for the way you behaved as a result of THEIR behaviour. I mean you were wrong to hit him but why did you hit him? Why was he acting like that when you were in such a dreadful suituation after mc? I think he question about who is calling the shots should remind you that you have to look after yourself. He obviously wants to be the one in control even if his behaviour isnt what it should be.

Look after yourself and try not to let him walk over you. I know you love him but look after yourself too. Your worth it!

Sarah

 

[fynemum]

I Believe Sarah has hit the nail on the head here, You have too look at what you have written here, see the words and concider the actions of you both. I know the MC is a terrible thing to happen and all life is precious, but I think your troubles go well beyond the MC. I am so sorry doll, You said yourself he is a bit of a control freak and his behaviour echo's that. You are a sensitive soul deep down and you are trying to make excuses for him. He is an expert at making you feel dependent on him and making you want and need him, no matter what. He is making all the decissions and twisting it around into your choice..... so you have no come back. He really is in control and even if he is insucure..(which I think you are spot on with)..that is HIS problem ....making it yours is not helping him or you. This relationship is not a healthy one in this present state.... If you want it to work out and he does too then you need to get proffessional advise.... You don't deserve to be treated this way. Don't allow yourself to be a victim in the name of love. Go talk to a councillor on your own and sort out your next move.....
Just know if you decide to stay..there is no quick fix, it need you and him to work together and agree to sort out these selfharming responses you both have developed...... Please read your posts again and think about all the advise all the girls have given, but most of all doll..... know the choice is yours...this is your life....you deserve to be happy, look after YOU...LOVE YOU....
Be brave and strong...Lv Yvonne xx

 

[Alfiesmummy]

First of all hun i want to say sorry about the baby, its so hard losing something so precious and you must be devestated by it, on top of that you have your OH to deal with? Hunni i no hes hurting too but this was your body and your baby and for him to lash out so cruelly to me that is unforgiveable.
Last yr Me and Ian lost a baby and it was the worst experience of my life, but it was made easier how Ian stuck by me and supported me, Im sure that your OH is just as devestated by this news but at the end of the day it should be something that you can support and comfort each other over. I found it hard to be close to Ian afterwards intimately I was convinced I was to blame but 3 months after I found out i was pregnant again and in september I had my beautifull boy, I actually had Alfie a couple of days after the date i lost the baby which opened old wounds.
Try to talk to your OH tell him you are not his punch bag (emotionally speaking) All the love and luck to you, I hope all goes well

 

[pigletpoo]

Wow. You would not believe how familiar this all sounds!

I was on holiday in Corfu when I started to miscarry. It was the day we were flying home, all the way back on the plane I could feel it. It was hell.

My OH refused to help me, refused to talk about it, he took me to the hospital when we got home to the UK - after he had had chance to sleep!
He refused to come in the hospital with me, (it was a saturday) and I had to drive myself to the hospital on the monday for my scan. He didnt even ring to see how I got on.

In the end I text him to say I had lost the baby.

He text back "Thank God FOr That!!!"

Then he dumped me - via text! After 3 years together! He said "How dare you put me through that!"

Then he telephoned me when he was drunk calling me a cu*t, and telling me he was going back to his ex because she had managed to have his baby!

Yep, miscarriage does funny things.

Good luck to ya

xxxxxx

 

[xJodieLoux]

Oh my goodness piglet. That is just horrible. It really worries me how a person who says they love you can be so cruel at a time you need them the most. My OH says he doesnt blame me for what happened, I kept telling him I was sorry and he kept reassuring me its not my fault.

And Sarah you are absolutely right about him being the type that turns things around and makes me out to be the one in the wrong when I am just reacting to the way he has behaved. My ex was like that too. I didnt appologise and grovel this time though, and he ended up saying "lets just forget about what happened last night, we were both in the wrong". Which I think was his way of saying sorry.

 

[sazzleevans]

Hi

Good to hear it not so bad with you. I dont think he was saying sorry though. I think he was giving in!! My OH is a great guy but i know given the chance he can be capable of turning an argument etc on its head. It can ware you down but stick at it and never roll over.

The most important thing now is for you to look after you. Be brave.

SARAH

 

[tracey 2]

hun just wanted to send you some big hugs and look after yourself think about you thats all that matters at the moment.

take care

 

[topbird]

Jodie

So sorry to hear your news...

Hope you manage to work things out for the best with your OH...

 

[*saulino*]

Hi

So sorry to hear your news hun, and hope you and your bf sort things out . Your going through alot right now
Katrina

 

[*glow*]

Hey honey

Really sorry to hear your news. Just want to say mc is a horrendous ordeal and has strange effects on both you and your partner. When it happened to us it nearly ended us, we both said things we did not mean. Don't beat yourself up about everything, and when you want to talk make sure you talk... don't bottle it all up...

Big hugs xxx

 

[Little Miss Joslyn]

Just wanted to give you lots of
Sorry to hear your sad news and i hope you and your bf have managed to sort things out. i was thinking of splitting up with my oh before i got pregnant but then i miscarried and it brought us closer together! Things have a funny way of turning out. i am still trying and desparete for a baby after nearly 2 years but i feel it will happen when the time is right. x