I just want to wish everyone a happy christmas and new year and to say thankyou for all the support you have given me, its really appreciated. Im not really a christmas person and really cant be bothered this year but will make an effort to get up and see how I get on tomorrow as my fiances grandparents are doing xmas dinner for us ( even though they know I probably wont be able to eat it, she has even bought a black forest gateaux as its my favourite ). Bless them, they ask everyday how I am, I havent even heard from my own grandparents and they dont visit as they are too posh to set foot on a muddy farm yard!!! Im finding it hard to believe that I can almost count the days left on 1 hand and it still doesnt seem real. I think the panic and realisation will kick in on wednesday when I have bloods done and steroids for 2 days and find out what time on friday. I just hope that instinct kicks in and I understand what she needs, wants and what she is trying to tell me. Im terrified of ballsing it up and being rubbish and getting criticized for not being a good mum. Thankyou evryone for being such help and support over what has been a really hard time and all I seem to have done is winge and hate it when I know that some of you have tried soo hard to get this far.