Honest opinion - to help my friend.

[Lolly85x]

One of my friends has a baby 3 weeks younger than mine. Both boys. She smoked all through her pregnancy, and has continued while breast feeding. I don't smoke, never have. So I don't know how hard it etc... And that's not really my issue. Now her boys here. Her MIL is giving her so much grief, she reduces her to tears on a daily basis.
She is breastfeeding, and her diet is awful. She really eats junk food. And smoking about 20 a day. She also has a few glasses of wine several times a week as she was quite a big drinker before having her LO, but nothing like she was before. She is also co-sleeping with her little one.
Her MIL is basically having a right go at her, saying she should stop breastfeeding as her lifestyle choices are affecting the baby.
She has been in tears this weekend again, and I just don't know what to say. As I kinda agree with her MIL.
I know it's not right to compare babies, but he is very slow and non responsive compared to what my boy was like a few weeks ago. But I know all babies are different.
Iv tried to look some stuff up on google to see what the affects are. And it says a poor diet while BF doesn't matter as her milk will be fine... I really don't know what to say to her.

 

[cobwebs_85]

What is it with these people! i've got the same type of problem with a friend except hers is shes neglecting him by taking him of the things he needs! unfortunately SS r involved, you mite have to say something to her? it may upset her but like i said to my friend if nothing was done about it and something happens a long way down the line and we knew about it we'd feel so guilty about it x

 

[Lolly85x]

I know... I think the things the MIL is saying she's had enough, she's tried to tell her to bottle feed etc as her lifestyle choices are not suitable. I know she loves her baby, and is looking after him, I have no doubt about that. But I worry how far her MIL will go.
I just don't feel I can say to her, unless I actually know how bad it is.

 

[nhh04]

Smoking and drinking are a personal choice and I'm not going to comment about them. However, I do have an issue with smoking, drinking and co-sleeping. Drinking sends her into a deeper sleep so she wouldn't be aware, for example, if she accidentally rolled onto LO. Plus, no matter how careful she is about smoking outside and away from LO she will still have the dangerous chemicals on her while she is laying next to her baby in bed. The same would apply whilst feeding them. If she is having real problems cutting down her smoking/drinking and wants to do something about it I would point hewr in the direction of her gp and the smoking cessation clinic. Her MIL is being hard on her making her cry but that says to me that a) the MIL is worried about her grandchild and b) your friend is worried too otherwise she wouldn't cry. Her diet isn't great but shouldn't affect LO right now. The only problem would be at weaning (6mths) if she fed LO on a poor diet and passed on her bad eating habits to her son.

You are being a good friend. Maybe if she is struggling to eat properly, encourage her to make packed lunches that are healthy, that way her lunch is made already instead on having to struggle around dealing with LO and the temptation to eat junk is taken away a little bit.

 

[Lolly85x]

Thanks!! Well I had her at mine, and made her a nice lunch. Might do the same again on a regular basis.
I think she's so upset as she feels her MIL is pressuring her to stop BF, and is causing arguments with her OH.
She never smokes near the baby. But I don't think she realises that it is on her clothes. The HV knows she is smoking and BF and I don't think she said anything, I'm sure my friend would have told me if she did.
I just don't want to tell her anything that's not true and make her feel like everyone is ganging up on her xxx

 

[FirstBabyEek]

It'll also be in her breath when she co-sleeps with the LO causing increased CO2 to pass to her baby and could stop them getting enough oxygen at night causing them serious harm in the long run.

I know it's hard but I agree that the MIL is taking the right attitude.

Bfing isn't the issue it's the co-sleeping that needs to stop pronto until she can give up or cut down on smoking and the alcohol.

If she can't stop cut down on the smoking then she should stop the drinking as that will be passing through into her BM and into baby, poor mite.

Well done you for being a good encouraging friend xx

 

[nhh04]

http://www.google.co.uk/url?q=http:...AQFjAD&usg=AFQjCNGU-2lmQAavM2scA-_4wElTIIyI3Q

Maybe show your friend this from the guardian online. It talks about a link between smoking and drinking and cot death. I don't want to upset your friend unnecessarily but there are real risks involved in what she is doing.

If you can show her a positive role model for her eating, even if its once a week/fortnight, it will show her what to do without being negative. Maybe after a while get her to cook for you at your house or cook together. Plus as your LO's are close in age, she can copy what you do for weaning. Maybe start planning a menu in the near future and show her too. Its putting a lot of extra effort on you, but I get the impression you want to help as much as you can.

I think your friend will feel so much better if she can prove her MIL wrong and provide a healthy environment for her family and carry on BF X

 

[katie_lou]

I don't see why co sleeping is a problem if done safe ( no drinking etc ) but I agree with her MIL about she should stop breast feeding due to her life style x

 

[Maria1977]

BFing and smoking are doable. There is a lot of info out there available. Having a good diet is important but not necessary if they makes sense? Bit contradictory I know lol your body will put only goodness through to the milk, if there is no goodness to put through it will probably effect quality but just as importantly it will start to effect the health of the mum as milk comes first for a BFers body and the mum comes second. It's important that she looks after herself to stay strong. Also a healthier diet would mean being less stressed, I'm sure if she's stressing and do upset she is probably smoking more. If she cuts down it gives her body the chance to filter out more of the toxins from the cigarettes.

I read a bit about it on kellymom.com, while the toxins can be passed through milk the body filters then out within a certain amount of time, likè 90 mins or something, so if you smoke a littl less will pass through. But that also breast milk protects to some degree against the toxins. It's like take with one hand give with the other lol

 

[Maria1977]

Also meant to say I Defo don't think stopping BFing becausè of her lifestyle choices would benefit the baby. If anything the breast milk will help protect the baby more.

I am pro co sleeping, I do it myself, but I don't agree with drinking and co sleeping as when you are not alert is when it becomes careless.

Xx

 

[knopk@]

I dont thin a glass of wine a week will affect breastmilk but she shouldnt co sleep if she is smoking and drinking. She doesnt have to give up BFing but i would encorage her to speak to smoking cessation. Second hand smoke and chemicals are harmful too

 

[Sassysugar]

It'll also be in her breath when she co-sleeps with the LO causing increased CO2 to pass to her baby and could stop them getting enough oxygen at night causing them serious harm in the long run.

I know it's hard but I agree that the MIL is taking the right attitude.

Bfing isn't the issue it's the co-sleeping that needs to stop pronto until she can give up or cut down on smoking and the alcohol.

If she can't stop cut down on the smoking then she should stop the drinking as that will be passing through into her BM and into baby, poor mite.

Well done you for being a good encouraging friend xx

Also meant to say I Defo don't think stopping BFing becausè of her lifestyle choices would benefit the baby. If anything the breast milk will help protect the baby more.

I am pro co sleeping, I do it myself, but I don't agree with drinking and co sleeping as when you are not alert is when it becomes careless.

Xx

Completely agree with these ^^^

I don't think she should stop bf, her baby will be benefiting from it. But she shouldn't be co-sleeping if she's smoking and drinking. It's just not safe. She needs to be fully alert and I read somewhere that said you shouldn't hold a baby for 30 mins after smoking because of passive smoking and it being on your clothes etc (though not sure how true the 30 min thing is?)
can she not go to her drs for some help? I think the mil is just trying to protect her grandchild.

 

[Sarah13]

Have a read of this article on Kellymom http://kellymom.com/bf/can-i-breastfeed/lifestyle/smoking/
It says babies with mothers who smoke are better off still being breast fed than switching to formula due to the immunities and that breast milk can actually prevent some of the harm caused by smoking. It also goes into the bad stuff too so she's best to quit really. My oh had one of those electronic cigarettes not a cheap one, one of the better ones and cut back to 2 cigarettes a day!
I agree with the others about the co sleeping she really shouldn't do it if she's smoking and drinking its too dangerous for the baby.
I think her MIL is trying to scare her into quiting which probably won't work supporting her to try is better. As for junk food it makes no difference really, her body will be what suffers as the breast milk will just take all of the few vitamins etc she does get. Does she take multi vitamins? That could help too. Another good read on Kellymom about diet http://kellymom.com/nutrition/mothers-diet/mom-diet/

 

[BabyBrain]

The thing is her MIL could be making things a lot worse by keep going on at her. I hate being dictated to, I am fully capable of making my own choices and when people go on at me I'm more likely to carry on the way I am. I'm sure your friend is intelligent enough to know a lot of what she's doing.

Ever thought that your friend might actually be depressed and not coping well with being a mummy? It sounds to me like she is panicking a bit and trying to hold on to a freer lifestyle. Being a mother is hard enough without being constantly criticised all the time. I'm not advocating what she's doing at all but being reduced to tears by the MIL who should be supporting her is not going to help in my opinion.

 

[Maria1977]

It'll also be in her breath when she co-sleeps with the LO causing increased CO2 to pass to her baby and could stop them getting enough oxygen at night causing them serious harm in the long run.

I know it's hard but I agree that the MIL is taking the right attitude.

Bfing isn't the issue it's the co-sleeping that needs to stop pronto until she can give up or cut down on smoking and the alcohol.

If she can't stop cut down on the smoking then she should stop the drinking as that will be passing through into her BM and into baby, poor mite.

Well done you for being a good encouraging friend xx

Also meant to say I Defo don't think stopping BFing becausè of her lifestyle choices would benefit the baby. If anything the breast milk will help protect the baby more.

I am pro co sleeping, I do it myself, but I don't agree with drinking and co sleeping as when you are not alert is when it becomes careless.

Xx

Completely agree with these ^^^

I don't think she should stop bf, her baby will be benefiting from it. But she shouldn't be co-sleeping if she's smoking and drinking. It's just not safe. She needs to be fully alert and I read somewhere that said you shouldn't hold a baby for 30 mins after smoking because of passive smoking and it being on your clothes etc (though not sure how true the 30 min thing is?)
can she not go to her drs for some help? I think the mil is just trying to protect her grandchild.

We got told the 30 min thing by the midwives when I had Oscar

 

[Pudds86]

Maybe you shouldnt play it from a mess"Im not judging you" stance but provide her with factual educational leaflets/articles on the danger she could putting her baby in x

Sent from my shit hot phone! Fo shizzle home girls.

 

[knopk@]

I think information is key and you can offer your support re quitting or indeed working out how to eat better. 20 a day is quite a lot, when does she find time to do it? Maybe she is using it as an excuse to get away and doesnt want to give that up?
You.might want to.encourage her to see a specialist or at least GP

Tapatalking so cant see signatures

 

[FirstBabyEek]

As others have picked up on perhaps the smoking is a stress response to not coping well? If she's encouraged that she is doing a good job then perhaps she'll find it easier to cut down?

Xx

 

[Kayelle]

I think it is really bad to be smoking and drinking while bf and co-sleeping. It is so dangerous its unbelievable that she thinks its ok