Hi, I’m Jana. Pregnant with my first & nervous

Discussion in 'Introductions' started by Jana B, Sep 27, 2020.

  1. Jana B

    Jana B New Member

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    Hi!

    I’m new to the motherhood scene, and to this forum obviously. I’m taking comfort in knowing that my feelings towards pregnancy are not out of the ordinary. I’m pretty scared of motherhood honestly. I used to love kids and was always the kids’ favorite cousin or aunt, but I feel terrible now that I don’t like children at all. I’m not quite sure, but I think it’s due to being separated from my family. My mother and her side of the family were against my marriage, so I haven’t had any contact with her and most of my family for 2 and a half years, that includes the little ones I used to babysit.

    Being mostly surrounded by my husbands relatives and their kids, I often felt sad missing the kids of my family. Also, seeing how spoiled the kids of his family are was daunting to me. I couldn’t get away with a fraction of what they do in my childhood. So, I can’t tolerate being around them for long, with the noise and the tantrums. I feel terrible for not liking the kids, and I’m worried about how I’ll raise my own kids. I don’t want to raise them as tough as I was raised, nor do I want to spoil them like my husband’s family does. I have no clue how to balance...and I’m scared I won’t be able to bond with my child. I know I’ll love him...I just don’t know how to be a good mother. I’m frightened. My childhood didn’t teach me what I need to know, and made me a fearful, nervous wreck who gets rattled by loud noises and chaos, and has a failure complex.

    All this, and more has caused me to dislike my pregnancy, and dread motherhood. What keeps me hanging is the thought that maybe my baby will be my little buddy, and maybe my love alone will make him a sweet, kind human, which is all I want. I just don’t have confidence in myself. My husband seems to have great confidence in me, but its making me more nervous worrying that I’d let him down, too.
     

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