Help!!! Toddler wont sleep!!!

[KarolinaMoon]

Hey Ladies,

I have a 20 month old and a 4 year old (both girls)...the 20 month old suffered from severe reflux and possible dairy intolerence (maybe still does?). She has never slept through the night, but for the last couple of months her sleeping (or lack of it), has got even worse! She usually goes off to sleep at about 8pm and then wakes at 10pm, midnight, 2am...and stays awake screaming for me, screaming for milk....until about 4am!!! The other morning she did all this and then woke at 5am wanting up!! She is asking for milk constantly!!! And if she doesnt get it she gets herself very distressed to the point she starts choking. She settles sometimes if I stay in the room with her, give her hugs etc...but I am the only one she will settle for. My 4 year old is exhausted in the mornings going to nursery school. Our bedrooms are all close together so when my 20 month screams she keeps everyone awake. My husband is of the opinion I am 'pandering' to her too much (he told me this at 3am last night whilst I was desparately trying to settle her!!!), and he thinks we should close her door and leave her to scream herself to sleep. She is scared of the dark, and if left to scream she gets more and more distressed. He thinks that me going in to comfort her is 'giving in', and that now she expects it. I feel like I am being blamed for it all (he says this isnt the case yet then tells me what I am doing wrong at 4am). Do you think this could be reflux, or just a phase (that seems to be unrelenting)....or something else? I am at a loss now as to what to do, we seem to be going back to the first few months when all she did was scream 24/7. My husband has suggested taking her to the doctor, but I havent got round to making an appointment (which again is all my fault, husband seems to think this is all my responsibility too!). Has any one any ideas on what could be going on here?

 

[Sprout]

It's not a good idea to let her scream at all, very stressful for all of you and it's just going to lead to her getting more distressed when she wakes but possibly giving up on "asking you for help" so to speak. Would sleeping in her room/having her in your room be an option at all? The quicker she can be settled back to sleep, the quicker she'll understand that when she wakes, she's safe and secure and can go back to sleep herself. No real "answers" I'm afraid, it's just a developmental thing and she'll get it eventually with your help (though it might not feel like it now)

 

[El1en]

Aw I totally feel your pain. It's so tough and try not to take your oh's behaviour to heart he's tired to but is being a knob at the same time. You're definitely not giving in by going to her, she's our baby and your job is to offer comfort.

I would consider starting again, either bring her into your room/bed or you sleeping in her room, giving her the comfort as soon as she wakes in the hope she'll settle quicker

My little girl has been a terrible sleeper. I tried CC at 6m and it worked brilliantly for us. She went down to only being up once a night. However at 9ish months old she got her first cold and it all went to pot and took me a long time to want to try again but at that point she was old enough to really understand what was going on and got very distressed so I didn't do it. I know there's no way I could close the door on my daughter it would break my heart too much. With my little one it's just been a case of me getting up every time and comforting her. She's just turning 19m and finally we are down to once a night get up. We got to this point about a month ago but then she got a cold and was back to every hour but I've just repeated the same thing and finally we are here

Could you try some white noise in her room? Another suggestion which I'm sure you don't want to try for your other daughters sanity right now but could they share a room?

Really sorry you're having it so hard