Help please :(

Discussion in 'Pregnancy Chat' started by Prettypee, Jul 10, 2016.

  1. Prettypee

    Prettypee Well-Known Member

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    This isn't so much pregnancy related but I need some advice.

    First of all I love my husband and he loves me and he never hurts me physically. He is a great dad to our girl and is supposedly excited about number 2. The problem is he has always had a temper. An anger issue. He doesn't take it out on my but daily I have to listen to an expletive full rant (to himself) about how shit his life is, how worthless it is, he hates his life and end it now etc. He is under a lot of pressure and stress but today's rant was set off by the fact we had ran out of olive oil. I Hate it. It makes me feel low, really rubbish. I can't explain but my heart sinks. I know I'm not perfect but it really hurts and if I bring it up I get told I need to do more as he has too much to do, or that there's nothing I can do its just all shit etc (even though I'm struggling with this pregnancy with hip issues). When he isn't in his rants things are great but when he is, I sit I'm a different room with the dogs nervously hugging up to me. How do I deal with this?

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  2. KateK

    KateK Well-Known Member

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    Oh sweet :( I have the same issue with mine.. He is like Jekyll and Hyde. He smashed a glass door in our house on Saturday.. His Dad and Brother both have horrible tempers and anger problems so whether it's nature or nurture.. I'm not sure. I am so sorry you're going through it as I know exactly how it feels. I also grew up with a Dad with a vile temper so have been dealing with it my whole life! I also get the "my life is shit" rants which hurts so badly and I am sure our daughter has heard him :( It's worst when you're pregnant and you're already feeling so vulnerable and on-edge. It's hard to give advice because I have no idea what to do with mine.. If I were looking at myself I'd either leave him or make him go and see somebody to learn how to deal with his anger in a safer and less damaging way. He always apologises profusely afterwards and then it is swiftly brushed under the carpet which isn't helpful for me because it isn't getting resolved.. I just wanted you to know that you are not alone and I'm know how awful it feels. It is paralysing when he starts kicking off. I just have to ignore him :( xxx
     
  3. Cathrine

    Cathrine Well-Known Member

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    Reading this brought a tear to my eye. Honestly I can say that I'm like your husband in some ways. Something excruciatingly simple (dirty dishes, dog barking, dropping food on the floor) can make me fly completely off the handle with my husband. I never hurt him physically and never will, but the uncontrollable anger is really scary on the angry side as well. I guess I never realized how much it can hurt the people around me.
    I'm sorry you have to go through that - nobody deserves that. I know that I do it for a number of reasons - one of them being that I really despise myself at times - like really really hate myself. That makes me angry. And then I lash out not always knowing what I'm gonna hit. Just let him cool off for a bit then give him a hug and tell him everything will be alright. That's what I need to hear after a fit, so I know I didn't scare my husband away (sounds stupid) because being left alone with a sense of alienation is far worse.
     
  4. PeanutButter

    PeanutButter Well-Known Member

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    Have you asked him if he's feeling low or depressed, I know when i was depressed my anger was so bad, i used to say I hate my life alot and get so angry over simple things like a loud car going past the house. Even when I feel pretty low now I have anger with ithe, but not anywhere as bad as it used to be.
    You sound definitely look into him seeing someone though, it helped me loads, dealing with depression and anger.
    Xx
     
  5. Kholl

    Kholl Well-Known Member

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    He needs professional help. I can't stop picturing your little daughter and how she must feel when he goes on his tirades. That kind of thing is absolutely terrifying for a child, and deeply damaging. Please don't tolerate this one more day. I would insist he get help immediately or you take time away from him until he does.

    As parents, our number one job is to regulate our own emotions. That's a hallmark sign of being an adult, and disturbingly few grownups seem to know how to do it. Maintaining a calm exterior even through huge emotions is imperative for effective parenting. Children do not feel safe around unpredictable or volatile adults. This is a must, for all of us.

    I'm so sorry you are living with this, and I hope he takes this very seriously and gets help as soon as he can.
     

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