help :o(

[Huddsgirl]

well here goes. me and my partner have been having a bit of a rough patch at the moement. to cut a long story short when we have arguments we both say stuff in anger but he alwasy says stuff about my sexual performance. he has said 'ur boring' 'well a man has needs' and also he was looking and emailing other girls ages ago and he has said ' perhaps u need to look at why i did that, u aint given it to me'.
And of course i have taken it to hart. he always says he didnt mean it but if thats the one thing he always gets me about then surely there must be a liitle truth in it.
anyway because he has said all this (and more) over a period of time i just have no confidence about myself, he wants me to make a move and innitiate sex more often, but i just feel so self concious and im constantly thinking im not what he wants and am i doing it right. so im at a bit of a dead end because i want our sex life to get back to normal but everytime we have an argument im just waiting for another comment. i know im not perfect and its not all his fault but i feel he really hasnt helped with all his past crap on the computer with these girls.
any advice
sorry bout the rant

 

[Slinky Sarah]

awww hun
have you told him about it?
i cant believe he would say that to you
cant really offer any advice buut just hugs

 

[Huddsgirl]

yea i have mentioned that i feel this way and he just says he didnt mean what he said, but theres only so many times i can hear the same thing

 

[MissSara]

Thanks awful that he should say that,
I'm all for girl power and i've been in a past relationship with a man ( well childish little twit) who sounds similar.
Let him know that you will not put up with it anymore and that he is making you feel like this when really you need to be made to feel special and loved, and if all else fails seek revenge...... lol

 

[bobtheunfortunateone]

KICK HIM IN THE BALLS! (Wait thats my answer to everything )

First of all don't let him knock your confidence. It takes two make a great sexual realtionship, if he is soo good then he should let you know what he would like. If you do something that he likes then he should tell you, and vica versa. Also making up bonking is sometimes the best type! What does he want from you? he must like something about you otherwise he wouldn't have been with you. Get abit of that old spark back. But as for looking at other girls, not clever. You are better than them, as you are there, they are not! You are sexy if you try and feel it, men love a sexy woman.

 

[Slinky Sarah]

It takes two make a great sexual realtionship, if he is soo good then he should let you know what he would like

exactly...maybe write down what you both like and dont like..read each others then go from there [/quote]

 

[Penstraze]

This sounds very similar to my OH he says awful horrible things in arguments (not about sex but equally hurtful and compairing me to his ex and finding me lacking!) and thinks saying you know I dont mean it its just the way I was brought up makes it all ok! But as you said theres only so many times you can be told all these awful things without believing there must be some truth in it and you confidence being knocked.

My advice from someone whos been there is tell him how it makes you feel and that it doesnt matter if he doesnt mean it he shouldnt say it and you feel your trapped in an impossible circle because you cant be confident and enjoy sex with all these horrible thoughts in your mind, if he loves you and wants to keep you he has to stop this and if he doesnt you will leave! Now this is a big threat to make and you need to be able to follow it through or it will not work but you deserve to be with someone who makes you feel good about yourself not bad!
I know my OH doesnt always mean what he says and would make excuses but we split up for awhile and I learnt a valuable lesson that I deserved beter and other men wanted me so I couldnt be as bad as he often said, I also learnt that he was more broken without me then I was without him we managed to sort things out and are much happier now he is more careful what he says in a row and Im more able to let minor comments roll off my back, but I will never allow anyone to make my confidence as low as he did then again no one has the right to do that to you least of all someone who claims to love you!!!!!

 

[Huddsgirl]

thanks to all for your advice. most appriciated, especially penstraze, and it sounds exactly like the same situation. but i think u are right we do need to talk. have to have some us time xxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[Penstraze]

Good luck! If you need to talk anytime PM me, hope he listens and takes on board what you say!!

 

[trixipaws]

sorry i cant advise he sounds nasty