Help me...my man won't come near me!!!!

[MichelleG]

Ladies,

Help me out here, I am 21 weeks preg and my Fiance and I are both SO excited and are as close as ever but....he will not come near me. We have only had sex twice since I found out I was pregnant and now it is non existent. It is him, not me - I spoke to him about it last night and asked him it is was because I look fat etc (paranoia setting in!). He said all the right things "your beautiful and sexy still and I love you more than ever etc etc....." and I believe him but he said he feels like it is a bit dirty and he is doing something horrible to the baby - like banging its head or being perverted. I explained the anatomy of it all and reasured him that he cannot even get anywhere near the baby (besides..how big does he think he is for God's sake..... , just kidding!). I promised him I would not do it either if I thought for one second that it would hurt our baby but he is not having any of it!

I thought it was us girls that were meant to go all frigid and moody???? I feel so horrible, I can't believe we will not make love until after the baby is born, it seems so far away and I miss it so much although we cuddle ALL the time etc.

He is totally squeemish and panicking about the birth also and doesn't really want to see a thing, he is petrified (and he has the easy bit!!). Im not even sure I can rely on him to come in with me. From feeling a bit sorry for him and thinking it quite sweet and silly I am starting to find it a bit selfish - you know....what about me??? I feel like he may as well say to me "great your pregnant come back when its all over".

Don't get me wrong he is wonderful and is spoiling me rotten and helping me loads in the house etc but Im finding this hard, 1st baby an all?

Anybody experiencing something similar???

Michelle xxxx

 

[Sarah W Baby Belly]

My DH was a bit worried about hurting me and the baby until he read an article about it in my magazine and now he is fine about it.

We were a bit careful about it at first, but now things seem to be the way they were before.

Before I got pregnant, I did worry that he might keep me at arms length, like he does when I have my period, but he has actually surprised me in a positive way, thank god!

The main reason we are still making an effort is because I have heard so many times about people who stop making love during pregnancy and never really get back into it afterwards, and that frightens me, so we make sure that we get down to it at least once a week, if we can.

I also didn't want to be one of these women who go off it for the rest of their life as a result of having babies. The thought of that really makes me cringe.

I'm not really sure what the answer is for you hun, but you will both be very tired for a while after the birth and he should be realising that it is best to be making up for that now, while you don't have baby distractions.

If all else fails, tell him it is good for the baby. I have read in lots of places that loving sex is a great tonic for baby and will make him/her happy. It won't know what you are doing, but it will know that you are enjoying yourself, and thats all that counts to an unborn child.

 

I'd go with Sarah on this one hunnie.

But if all else fails, the only other advice I have if you still need 'satisfying' is that Ann summers do some pretty interesting stuff these days

 

[Rosebay]

Hi,

sorry to hear about your dilemna. I have a very squeamish husband too when it comes to the birth thing. He really doesn't want to see me in pain or pushing or my bits going through birth or the cord or even a mucky brand new baby and frankly since he has been known to pass out at even the descriptions of these things I'm not sure I want him to be there either!! Everyone has been going on to him about it though and he feels like he's going to miss something amazing but just can't do it so I do feel for him. My mum is coming in with me and I'm going to tell her when to get him in . Sometimes I just wish he wasn't so squeamish though as, like you, I'm not exactly ok with me being in pain and lots of mingy stuff about either!

As for the sex- I don't know about anyone else but I've found that my orgasms are more intense and last longer and I have more of them. I still get worried about the possiblilty of getting a Braxton Hicks contraction afterwards but so far it hasn't happened. I am so tired most of the time that we haven't been up to it much even though we're keen but I think he likes the fact that I'm enjoying it even more than usual- I haven't told him about my Braxton Hicks worry so as not to make him paranoid! It makes me sleep better too and relaxes me and it does make me feel less of a whale so perhaps you could big up how great it would make you feel?

Otherwise I'd second Sami's suggestion! I've done my research and (ahem) vibrations do no harm whatsoever....!

 

[bobtheunfortunateone]

Men! God how big do they think there 'dicks' are! "I worred about hurting it?"

God they think they are long john silver (Now he as a big one) My hubby as got over the egotistical sence he will poke the baby and after the first trimester things have picked up a bit, but god its good! so easy for me to reach that happy place (sorry) but we tryed not to get in a rut where we don't do it until the baby is born because then there is always some excuse, the baby, hurting us, hard day at work! just a spiriling of reasons! The hardest thing for me was feeling sexy, I just feel big! But I'm lucky to have a hubby who understands this and is starting to jump on me again and show his appreication! Just don't get in a rut, that is my advice!

 

[Lisamum3]

Hi Michelle

sorry to hear about your dilemma and hope you can resolve it soon. My dh was very squemish about everything when i was pregnant first time and kept me at arms length with the dont wanna hurt the baby argument as well.

You are right to tell him that you wouldnt do it if it would hurt the baby at all, I put it simply to him and said look its the only time in our lifes where we either have not got to avoid getting pregnant or stress out about trying to get pregnant.

Lisa xxx