Hell :(

Discussion in 'Coping with Miscarriage & Loss' started by Lilmisshopeful, Jul 16, 2013.

  1. Lilmisshopeful

    Lilmisshopeful Well-Known Member

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    Came into hospital Monday to have the remains of my pregnancy removed believing babe had already passed. My baby was still in there and delivered intact but to much time had passed for me to be able to hold or see. Also wasn't able to sex so we chose Charlie as a name. All so easy so far so why hell you say........ Woke up in recovery hours later to be told it was complicated and I had lost a lot of blood. Half hour later ish I could feel I was bleeding heavy and had an awfull feeling something was wrong. After telling the nurse and her calling someone to help I started to do dizzy and feel faint. The next hale hour was a blur really. People everywhere so many doctors surgeons nurses running for blood. It was horrific. They whipped the covers off me and put a catheter in while someone put a tube in an artery they told
    Me when I woke up I'd be in intensive car with a colostomy bag and a breathing tube they had damaged my bowel. We was waiting for the blood to arrive and I slowly turned my head and locked eyes with the surgeon and he shouted can't wait for blood get her under quick we are losing her. All went black. I woke up middle of the night in intensive recovery not the ward and upon feeling my tummy no bag. When opening my cervix during the first op the surgeon punctured my uterus and damaged the outside of my bowel so I'm lucky. Lost nearly 2 litres of blood. I'm in hospital now with tubes everywhere and a drain coming out my stomach to catch the internal bleeding. They say I'm lucky to be alive but can try again once my uterus is healed up. With everything that's already happened and now this. What did I do that was so bad I deserved this. All I wanted to do was hold my baby. We are deffo not trying again. I having a loving other half an amazing daughter and a brilliant family. They all deserve me to stick around. I actually thought when I met that surgeons eyes I was going to die. I've held back with a lot of details as to graffic. Thank you all for your support you have given me throughout this nightmare xxx
     
    #1 Lilmisshopeful, Jul 16, 2013
    Last edited: Jul 16, 2013
  2. Lou1103

    Lou1103 Well-Known Member

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    Oh gosh hun how traumatic!! So happy you're on the mend now. I understand your decision,i hope you feel better soon xxx
     
  3. ellesbells

    ellesbells Well-Known Member

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    You poor poor thing. What a horror story.
     
  4. scn

    scn Well-Known Member

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    Poor you, that's horrendous. Completely understand your decision to not try again, but it's all very fresh and raw just now. Take your time to heal and recover from this xx
     
  5. LD1978

    LD1978 Well-Known Member

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    Oh my god that's so awful and scary! I'm so so sorry for everything you've been through. I hope you recover soon (physically and emotionally) and things look up for you. I can only imagine what you've been through x
     
  6. Sprk

    Sprk Well-Known Member

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    Oh Hun, I am so sorry to hear what you've been through. I'm not sure I would try again after all that, either. I wish you a smooth a speedy recovery.
     
  7. timtam78

    timtam78 Well-Known Member

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    Oh my good god, that was hard to read. I am not surprised on your decision after such an experience. So sorry youve had to go through this, i hope you manage to recover soon xx
     
    #7 timtam78, Jul 16, 2013
    Last edited: Jul 16, 2013
  8. hayes

    hayes Well-Known Member

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    So sorry for your loss hun, you are one brave woman going thru so much, so glad that you are ok and really wish you a speedy recovery and a lot of love and hugs.

    Michelle. x
     
  9. Zoe S

    Zoe S Well-Known Member

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    Oh Hun the sounds terrifying don't blame you for not wanting to keep trying! Thinking of you and hope you have a speedy recovery xx
     
  10. jojo3972

    jojo3972 Well-Known Member

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    Holy fuck! Sorry fr language but jeez I. S glad ur ok how scary for you , I know when I heamoraged after I had my daughter it was very scary blood was pumped into me as it was pumped it came gushing out the bottom end :-/ placenta wouldn't budge then it had to be physically removed. By a surgeon was horrific , again I. So glad ur ok and I hope ur recovery is quick xx
     
  11. mrssmith2011

    mrssmith2011 Well-Known Member

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    I have just been reading your other post. I understand why you didn't put this on there. I am so sorry that this has happened. I cannot begin to comprehend how terrified you must have been. I wish you a very speedy recovery and I can totally understand why you won't try again. I have followed your story since I joined TRI1 and have been rooting for you all the way. Get well soon xxxx
     
  12. merlin

    merlin Well-Known Member

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    Jesus! You have truly been through the wringer my lovely! Take time out to heal emotionally and physically and take care of yourselves, all of you! Xxx

    Sent from my Nexus 7
     
  13. Lilmisshopeful

    Lilmisshopeful Well-Known Member

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    Each loss gets worse and I have a family who need me and for them I can't do it. With everything that's happened in the hospital the bit that upset me the most was the look on the surgeons face this morning when he came to see me and appologised. He looked so cut up over it. But the fear when I thought it was over for me I will never forget. I have more to lose than a baby. I have so much love to give so am thinking maybe fostering again xxx
     
  14. lozzalozza

    lozzalozza Well-Known Member

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    Sheesh, poor you, I guess we all know that these things can happen but you never think it will happen to you. Hope you make a speedy recovery x.
     
  15. brand new

    brand new Well-Known Member

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    Oh my gosh massive hugs Hun. U poor poor thing. As u say u have a loving family that needs u. I've been quietly following ur journey and u r amazing and a inspiration. I wish u all the love in the world and I hope u get better quickly xxxx
     
    #15 brand new, Jul 16, 2013
    Last edited: Jul 16, 2013
  16. mrz85

    mrz85 Well-Known Member

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    Omg !!!! So sorry you had to experience this !!!!!! Look after yourself !!!! X
     
  17. Lydia

    Lydia Well-Known Member

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    I'm so sorry for your loss! Please take care of yourself hun! hugs xxx
     
  18. Daley

    Daley Well-Known Member

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    Sounds really traumatic Hun. I think your angel babies were definitely looking over you Hun. I'm glad your survived your ordeal. Take time to heal and look after yourself. Wishing you loads of luck for the future, whatever you decide to do xxx
     
  19. Lilmisshopeful

    Lilmisshopeful Well-Known Member

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    Thank you very much. That really made me feel better and just maybe your right. Someone must have been looking over me so why not them. Had 2 units of blood going in now as levels are dropping but I'm getting the drain out so can only get better from now on. Seen the chaplain today and the staff here are amazing had lots of hand holding and cuddles in the night. Now the fear over my own life is subsiding with the doctors assurance this morning I'm not going to die. I have finally shed the tears for Charlie I should of she's Monday. I might be well enough to go home in a few days so am thinking of a memorial area in my garden.
    Thank you all for your support and I hope I can return the favour xxx
     
  20. Balthazar1275

    Balthazar1275 Well-Known Member

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    So sorry to hear what you have had to go through in the last few days. Sending you lots of love. Take time to heal and look after yourself xx

    Michelle x
     

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