Have I made the right decision?? Advice?

Discussion in 'Pregnancy Chat' started by honeybear, Nov 21, 2016.

  1. honeybear

    honeybear Well-Known Member

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    Heya ladies so lovely to see new faces and excited regulars.
    Some members will know I've been through the mill last few weeks
    Including two hospital stays one for previous health condition and one for baby and contractions

    The babies dad has been in an out all pregnancy and so selfish and hasn't grown up at all or got anything for the baby I've had to do it all including being turfed out my parents signed off work and poorly. He visited me once in hospital even when I thought I was in,labour and they couldn't find his heart beat he never turned up then.

    This weekend he had some kind of appifaney took me to the Christmas markets but I felt so sad it wasn't the same anymore he didn't even hold my hand..yesterday was a day of tears he rang me all say saying how sorry he was and he loved me and should have done more... But it felt like words even with the endless tears. I said I didn't love him anymore as he left me through the hardest times and put his friends over me and the baby, undermimed me at times throwing paternity dna in there.

    The whole things left me heart broken and I wish we could go back because I want it to be like when we where happy. The last conversation we had last night I was so sad I couldn't stop crying he let it get the way it has despite my effort. I told him It had taken its toll and meeting up to talk wouldn't work anymore and if he did love us he would have done more or been on my friends door step apologising. I said can I go now at the end of the call and he was silent and said yeah and that's how Its left.

    Do you think I've done the right thing not forgiving him this time? I feel totally abandoned by him and insulted of his priorities x
     
  2. Leighwiltshire

    Leighwiltshire Well-Known Member

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    you should always put yourself and the baby first!

    im having some issues with my other half where i dont feel like much of a priority, and its getting to the point where hes making the decision easier for me to walk away and do it by myself.

    he never came to any early scans just my 9 week. he has said to me in arguments i want a DNA test, i have been living with him for over a year now and im not registered at his address due to circumstances and now is the time i need to be registered with him he isnt doing anything about it to sort it! i feel his ex is his priority over me.

    i need to be registered with him as the midwives are in a different district and currently im down at living with my parents which is an hour away and the midwife home visits start soon!

    its all stress i dont need and i believe you have made the right decision i just need to grow some balls and make the same decision myself xxx
     
  3. Eryinera

    Eryinera Well-Known Member

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    You should put you self and baby first. I know our son was half planned. Even still hubby took it hard and grew a bit distant but nothing to the extreme you two have had to put up with. In fact he actually got clinically depressed with the shock of his whole world changing and he felt even though he thought he was ready actually he wasn't he was still there for every scan though and for every appointment. When my son was born it was like a light got turned on and he became a fantastic father and husband and he finally saw what was worth fighting for in life. I think it was hard for him as the toll was on my body not his and it was easier for me to bond than him. But this time round now we've got past 12 weeks and we're both more relaxed and hopeful this will have a happy ending it's a completely different story.

    I think both of you know on your hearts and guts if your relationship is going to end up in a good place or not. I don't know the individual ins and outs of what happens but deep down you know if something is meant to be or not. Listen to the voice in the back of your head. Listen to your heart and listen to your gut. The answer is in there and once you find it. Don't let anyone make you feel guilty or pressure you to change your mind x
     
  4. Leighwiltshire

    Leighwiltshire Well-Known Member

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    Ery! you made me cry stop it i am hormonal lol
     
  5. Eryinera

    Eryinera Well-Known Member

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    Sowwie :blush: lol
     
  6. Leighwiltshire

    Leighwiltshire Well-Known Member

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    i think my OH will come good, i am a worrier at the best of times and with an added baby makes me stress more.

    he has bought me a new car but cant help worrying x
     
  7. Eryinera

    Eryinera Well-Known Member

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    Yea don't underestimate the craziees that carrying a baby gives you Lol
     
  8. lisey

    lisey Well-Known Member

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    Only you can really know if it is the right decision for you. I do think that once someone has got you to the point of feeling that way then its hard to go back and for things to be how they were again.
    Feeling second best to friends, drinks, nights out etc is hard and even worse when you are pregnant. My sons dad was like that, he was useless really. Ery is right, if you search deep inside, you kind of know what you really want to do, go with your gut instincts.
    Just know that you can be a fab mum, with or without him xx
     
  9. honeybear

    honeybear Well-Known Member

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    Some very good advice ladies x
    The hormones add to the crazy train, I'm afraid to say I don't think my ex will buck any ideas up xx
     
  10. nikkix86

    nikkix86 Well-Known Member

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    I've been the same my ex was not happy about the baby at all when I fell pregnant. we argued he turned everyone in his family against me was always out etc think he's worried about how his life will change. we split for a week then he came round and we spoke. he's getting better but he's still finding it hard to bond but I'm hoping once the baby is here he will be a great dad. it must be hard for the men as they are not.going through it but it's no excuse to treat us rubbish. I was prepared to do it on my own as I have with my sons but even though he has a long way to go we are trying after a very long talk!
     
  11. millielaura

    millielaura Well-Known Member

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    I think you've done the right thing.. especially since you think you have :).
    He should of been there when you were in hosp! Xx

    Sent from my SM-G928F using Tapatalk
     
  12. Laura1992

    Laura1992 Well-Known Member

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    It sounds like he's really betrayed you by not being there and behaving the way he has. I would find that difficult to forgive and move on from. Why don't you see what kind of a father he is once baby is born? Then you might change your mind about whether you would consider him as a partner to you, as well as a father to your baby. Good luck and I hope you make the best decision for yourself and baby :) xx
     
  13. honeybear

    honeybear Well-Known Member

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    So we spent Saturday together he took me out after I got out of hospital again.... Turns out a scan shows my kidneys are retaining fluid. I don't know what this means for baby?
    We had a lovely weekend he ditched me Sunday and wudnt come.for a brew last night despite telling me he loved me and talking about the baby. Still hasn't paid a penny for him or helped me.get somewhere sorted to live out my friends room.
    I do think I make.the right decision x x
     

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