Had MC and can't tell him

Discussion in 'Coping with Miscarriage & Loss' started by Charlem89, Aug 28, 2016.

  1. Charlem89

    Charlem89 Member

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    Hello. I haven't been on here in a long time but needed to share.

    Me and former OH were trying for a baby about 3 years ago. We didn't have any success at the time, as he was very ill (he has a long term medical condition) and I was stressed as i had symptoms of what I now know to be endometriosis (I'm lucky as it doesn't affect my fertility). We split up about 2 years ago due to him not wanting to be with anyone due to his illness, but we've remained really good friends which I am grateful for.

    We slept together last March/April, and I had usual pregnancy symptoms - sore boobs, general tiredness. i was a few days late and then I suddenly started bleeding really heavy,a which was unusual as I normally have spotting for a few days. Had bad cramps - used to have these years ago but I'd only had my laparoscopy in January so they should have been fine and they've been alright since. Sweated buckets, was sick and bleeding all day and the next day. I remember thinking at the time it could be poss MC but didn't work out dates and just put it to one side.

    I was reading an article in October about endo and fertility and worked out it was highly likely I had an early MC. Not had pain or sickness like that before or since and because I'd been on Norethisterone id been messing up my pill. Also dates make sense. Gyno also said it was likely.

    I just put it to one side but my sister became pregnant and that was hard. Keep being angry with my family and they don't know why (they didn't know I was trying the first time). Former OH doesn't know as didn't think there was a point. Two of his exes had MC much further along than me, so feel like my MC was trivial.

    It's been tormenting me for weeks now, as OH mentioned I didn't know what it was like to be pregnant - we were watching a programme and I said something. This has haunted me so I told him I needed to speak, but he got angry and couldn't understand why I wouldn't tell him over text, he was drunk at the time. Then he said he didn't want to know what it was. Now I'm not sure if we're talking.

    I feel like a fool because I am only mourning a bunch of cells, and I berate myself every day for not having realised and taken care of myself. I see OH almost every day (we work close to each other) and it makes me so anxious. I have to keep crying in the bathroom and then pull myself together. Sorry for long post had to get it out.
     
  2. MrsS15

    MrsS15 Well-Known Member

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    Can I be honest hun? It's not your loss that's making you feel the way you do, it's your ex oh. He putting you down and I honestly don't think telling him will help you heal any more! Distance yourself from him completely and make a clean break, mourn your baby (I've had early losses, it's a baby, not cells) and heal your heart without him. Oh and confide in your family for the comfort and support you need! I hope you're feeling much better soon. Sending you hugs xx
     
  3. Charlem89

    Charlem89 Member

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    Thanks. I get what you're saying but it's difficult as we have the same friendship group. He's a good person but he has no idea what he's putting me through and is being petulant.
    I'm working things through with my therapist so I'm slowly getting there.
     

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