Goodbye little Leo

Discussion in 'Coping with Miscarriage & Loss' started by gemloulau, Aug 2, 2013.

  1. gemloulau

    gemloulau Well-Known Member

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    I never in my wildest dreams thought I would be posting in this section but here I am, heartbroken and I don't know how to handle the pain.

    My beautiful little darling boy Leo was born sleeping at almost 22 weeks at 8.45pm this Wednesday.

    I'd been told at my 20 week scan that I had very low amniotic fluid, too low for Leo to be developing properly. I was referred to a fetal medicine doctor the following week who confirmed that there was now no fluid and we had to make the decision to induce or wait until I miscarried. On Saturday I started going into labour but then it all stopped and I was sent home. On Wednesday my little angel was born - 375g so tiny.

    I had a cuddle and said goodbye, he was so tiny and beautiful, just perfect.

    The placenta wouldn't detach so at 3.30am I went into surgery. I lost a lot of blood and was kept in until last night.

    Now I'm home and I don't know what to do or what to feel I'm broken and empty. It's just not fair. I left my little Leo all alone,

    I want to go to sleep and wake up knowing it was all just a really bad dream
     
  2. hellywelly

    hellywelly Well-Known Member

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    Love and hugs. xxxxxxxxx
     
  3. MrsHope

    MrsHope Well-Known Member

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    My thoughts are with you. Lots of love xx
     
  4. lisey

    lisey Well-Known Member

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    I am so so sorry you are going through this. Thinking of you and sending you virtual hugs and love xx
     
  5. Mummybexee

    Mummybexee Well-Known Member

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    no words to describe how you must be feeling

    So sorry for your loss, thoughts are with you and your family xx
     
  6. leean10

    leean10 Well-Known Member

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    Oh hun, I am so sorry you are going through this.

    I am sending all my love your way xx
     
  7. Robyner

    Robyner Well-Known Member

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    Devastating news so so sorry, it's so hard.I lost mine little girl at 38 weeks, so do pm me if you want to Hun, if you need to chat or vent.
    Lots of love xxx
     
  8. gemloulau

    gemloulau Well-Known Member

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    How in the world do people deal with these feelings? I've lost friends and family before but nothing could have prepared me for this.

    I can't comprehend it.

    Everyone says it gets easier, give it time but I feel so helpless, my whole world has tipped upside down.

    For those that have had a loss, how have you all dealt with the pain and anger? I don't know what to do
     
  9. MamaBee

    MamaBee Well-Known Member

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    So sorry for your loss, hugs xx
     
  10. Heather85

    Heather85 Well-Known Member

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    As I said before this is what happened to me, Ile tell you my story if it helps but don't wanna upSet you.

    It was four years ago, and I still cry and get upset. I spent years going for baths to have a cry, the best thing I did was let it or my partner didn't and it came out when he was drinking. I threw myself into different things, went back to work two months later, we went ahead and moved into the house we had bought.

    I also felt that talking about it when I needed to helped me as well, xx
     
  11. C0606

    C0606 Well-Known Member

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    My thoughts are with you xx
     
  12. Heather85

    Heather85 Well-Known Member

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    Also the difference is you will have lost people before but they were involved in your life and you miss them and have memories. It's harder to get your head round cos you miss this little person so much but you never met them. My partner wrote a poem when we lost her (Rebecca) and the words of that still get me every time

    Just shows you that you love them from the minute you know they ars there xx
     
  13. gemloulau

    gemloulau Well-Known Member

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    Thanks Heather

    I've been meaning to message you. I've just been letting the tears come, I had cuddles before they took him away but my husband didn't want to see him. He hasn't cried in front of me, he just holds me when I'm upset. I know he is hurting too, I can see it in his eyes but he won't shoe it because he doesn't want to upset me.

    The hospital staff were amazing, they've given me lots of photos, handprints and footprints and a little box filled with poems and a little teddy bear. My husband didn't want to see any of that either. I hope he will one day, I feel like I have to keep the memory of Leo hidden away and it's not fair.

    Did it take a long time for the hurt to stop?
    Xx
     
  14. bbee

    bbee Well-Known Member

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    I can't even imagine how you are feeling right now.
    I am keeping you, your family and beautiful little Leo in my prayers. Heaven gained a beautiful angel!
    If you ever need anything you know we are all here for you! Feel free to pm me at any time!
    Lots of love x x x x x x x
     
  15. Heather85

    Heather85 Well-Known Member

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    I was the same, lots of cuddles with her. I've kept her photos private just for family to see, I may show them to Freya when she is older. Footprints were so perfect, I show them to people.

    Pain never went away, it just got easier to get through day to day. I became obsessed with having another baby, but that didn't work out that way. I thought having another baby would stop the hurt, but it doesn't. I realised that its ok to hurt,it's ok to cry, and if yeArs down the line and you have a bad day then that's ok too. You lost a child, it's not meant to happen that way. People become so frightened to ask you how you are in case you cry. People I spoke to for years avoided me. But I'm so open about it I won't give anyone the chance to be awkward. She was my baby and Ile talk about her if I want xx
     
  16. flisstebbs

    flisstebbs Well-Known Member

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    So sorry Gemma, your situation is horrendous. I can only imagine the pain of a late loss, mine have all been so early that I don't think it causes the same level of pain.

    Thinking of you.
     
  17. Lydia

    Lydia Well-Known Member

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    I am so sorry to hear about what happened to little Leo. Can't even imagine how you must feel. My thoughts are with you. xxxx hugs
     
  18. Positive37

    Positive37 Well-Known Member

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    Been thinking of u and am devastated for your.loss.of leo....truly so cruel.i can't begin to imagine what u are going through I can only send u a hug and may god watch over leo and heal your pain xxxx
     
  19. Daley

    Daley Well-Known Member

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    Really sorry to hear this Hun. Thinking of you at this difficult time xxx
     
  20. Constantstar

    Constantstar Well-Known Member

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    Aw hun x

    mummy to ds 11/7/11
    pregnant *team pink* due 12/9/13
     

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