Going beyond evil now..

[Strangeness]

Back to my stupid old hag of a mother in law again! Since the last arguement we haven't even spoken to her or seen her which to me is brilliant no stress . Anyway since then my dh has been spending a lot of time at his dad's grave. I think it's the only one of his family he can be close too without having an arguement. We've been taking flowers and cleaning up and it's just been nice for my dh cos he said it makes him feel good being near his dad. Last time we went a month ago we took a tiny tree with us and planted it, it won't grow any higher than 25cm and we'll trim it. My dh wanted one because he said flowers just die and this way it can be there forever. Well my mil only goes to the grave twice a year and she has just found out through my bil that we planted the tree. She said she is gonna rip it out when she goes on the 17th Nov (day he was killed). I can't believe she is even thinking about doing something like that. It's not her grave and my dh did it for his dad not for her. I think it shows total disrespect to even think about doing it just because she has fallen out with my dh. I'm just really upset that anyone could even think of something like that and if she does it I don't know what to do about it.

Sorry again for going on

 

[mummykay]

what an evil witch!!!!

id put a guard dog near the grave lol!!

she has no right to pull that tree out, its ur dh's tribute to his dad and if she does go near it Id report her to the cemetary/council officials!!

 

[hayley]

My god... what an evil woman... could it be that she said it knowing it would get back to you both and cause some pain? maybe she said it but has no plans of actually doing it. Or is she a genuine nasty woman? I think i would wait and see if she does it. I think if you call her to discuss it you could be giving her a chance to react and then blame you for calling to argue. I can't believe any woman would be so hurtful towards her son. This is his tribute to his dad... Is it possible for your DH to have his own little place where he can go to chat and pay his respects to his dad? Plant another tree - maybe one that will grow big and will always be there.

If all else fails - get on the phone and tell her what an evil B*tch she really is...

x

 

[Strangeness]

To be honest I am hoping she is all mouth as usual and will just leave it but I don't know how far she will go anymore. She is full of spite and I wouldn't put it past her. We'll only find out after the 17th when she has been. I've told my dh that'll we'll go after the 17th cos he's working rather than before incase they want to bin our flowers as well. Would never even imagine doing that to someone!

Hayley I think the place where he can go is a brilliant idea. I'm just hoping his mum will leave the tree and it won't have to come to that because he feels so close to his dad at the grave. If she does do it though I think we'll go for your idea and plant a tree maybe in our garden or somewhere. We can always lay flowers at the grave still.

Mummykay would they actually do anything if she did it and we reported her? Could I phone the police for vandalising the grave maybe?

I'm not gonna phone her or anything, I wouldn't give her the satisfaction of knowing that she hurt my dh. I detest her so much!

 

[mummykay]

of course u can report vandalism of a grave to the council hun, its one of the worst taboos so they take it very seriously!

with her bein the widow it might get nasty tho, she'll say its my late husband and do a sob story etc but she would def get a warning if she pulled the tree out!!

 

What an evil bit*h! I'm gutted for your OH, she sounds like a nasty kettle of fish.

 

[Strangeness]

We took a trip to the grave on wednesday to lay some flowers and the tree is still there. I think my sister in law had been out there because there were flowers and she's moved near to the cemetry recently so could be going out there. My mil won't have gone out there because she will only go twice a year. We're gonna go out there again after the anniversary of his death to make sure it's still there. If it's not I will leave it up to my dh to sort out but he's said if it ain't there he can't just leave it because it's his dad.

I just don't know why she is doing this! If she's trying to hurt her son she's doing a bloody good job but she's also making him hate her even more. We went to the shops the other day and we saw his mum and step dad in there so we walked out. My dh is so upset with them all that he can't even bear to be near them! I'm trying to help my dh as much as possible but I don't know what else to do or say. If I could make them go away I would but they will always be there and will always do something at some point to stir up all his feelings. He's missing his dad so much right now because they are pushing him so far away. His dad is the only one who hasn't upset him so we're at his grave nearly every week at the moment. I think he's angry as well because he feels his mum has abandoned his dad. He's always saying "if dad was here none of this would have happened!" I just feel so sad for him

 

[Redshoes]

I think it's lovely that your OH has you Strangeness, to help him through such a difficult time, and I do hope that you stay strong for each other, and not let the evil events of others cause much more pain

 

[nicki]

I've only just read this (sorry i'm so crap).
I can't believe your MIL is so nasty. Why does she feel the need to be so spiteful? What has you OH done to deserve this treatment? Not to let your child mourn the death of his Dad is just.......well, there are no words to describe it.
I'm shocked someone could be so horrid.
My heart goes out to you both

 

[Strangeness]

My dh went to the hospital last night to see our new niece and she was there. She started asking him what his problem was and why he hadn't spoken to her? He just said this isn't the place to talk about it and ignored her. She asked how Aaron was and he said fine oh by the way he had a good birthday! She said she has a present for him, it was nearly 2 months ago and she hadn't even bothered to say happy birthday! I told dh she can stuff her present with all the evil things she has said. He also said she asked when we were having another one and he said we didn't know and she asked why and he said we were fine at the moment with Aaron and then she started going on about how we should have a girl next. Yes like we get to choose! I'd be happy with a boy or a girl next I'm not bothered about one of each. She doesn't even care about Aaron so why would she care about another baby if we had one? She just makes me so angry!!

Thanks for all of your replies, I really appreciate them

 

[Strangeness]

Well we went to my dh dad's grave yesterday to lay some flowers as it was the day he died last friday. After all my mil's big thing about ripping up the tree she hasn't even been out there! I think my dh was more upset that she hadn't even bothered than if she had ripped up the tree. The only flowers that were there were the ones we put down 2 weeks ago so no one has been out there. My mil has always made such a huge deal about going out twice a year and she didn't even bother. I swear she says all this stuff just to hurt my dh. What kind of a mother is she? Even without speaking to her she seems to have caused my dh hurt again which upsets me as well. I hate seeing him this way and once again it is because of her! He said he feels like everyone has forgotten that his dad ever existed and he can't believe how selfish his family are. I don't really know what to say to him, I just agree but inside I am so so angry that they're doing this to him and I don't know how long I can bite my lip!

 

[Strangeness]

Well she did it! Went out just before xmas and she's ripped the tree up. I don't really know what to say I'm so disgusted!

 

[glitzyglamgirl]

oh hun

Thats beyond disgraceful, its absolutely unthinkable. You could always plant another one somewhere where she cant get to it, like a quiet spot in the garden, but I understand you shouldnt have to.

Maybe your DH should write her a letter explaining what she has done and what that tree meant, or if he has the energy and thinks it might be worth it - report her for vandalism.

I wish there was more I could say

 

[Hypnorm]

Just read this and i am so sorry, why can family be soo spiteful.
I feel so sorry for your hubby this must be hurting him beyond belief.
I would report her for vandaliseing the grave.

I would also get hubby to write a letter and be extremely honest in what he writes.
that might hit home, if that doesn't get her to realise then i think there is a losing battle and your oh would be better off walking away.

 

[Strangeness]

She phoned him Boxing day and he gave her a right earful! I have never seen him so angry in his life! He told her so many home truths and she just didn't seem bothered, well I don't think she understands to be honest. She lied about so many things to him and he called her a liar on the phone. She said it was his fault not sure how but she's off her rocker! He told her never to bother him again and put the phone down on her. He's so upset that she could do it! I just don't know how anyone can stand in front of someone's grave a rip up something their son has planted! She was married to him for 12 years before he was killed but it just shows how much he meant to her. She makes me feel sick! All my dh wanted was to see his mum at xmas but he's so upset he can't even bare to speak to her. I want to wrap him up and make it all go away

Glitzy- We're going to take your advice and plant a tree in our back garden for him. My dh is really pleased with that idea so thank you We're still taking flowers to the grave though.

 

[glitzyglamgirl]

Im so pleased he likes the idea of a tree in the garden, and even more pleased to hear that he has told her exactly what he thinks! If she has any sense of decency she might chew on it for a while and then see the error of her ways, IF she doesnt though, it may be time for your DH to say enough is enough and leave her to it.

Best of lukc with it babe xx