Giving up on the Breast

[lisa31]

Hi, I'm hoping you girls will be able to make me see feel a bit better in myself.

I breastfed Heidi from the minute she was born (v.early last saturday morning) and felt I really bonded with her for doing this. This went fine until I think it was tuesday when my nipples were really really sore and just really hurting bad - so bad we had to give a formula feed for one of the night feeds. Had word with M/W who suggested nipple shields - they were good and certainly helped.

On Wednesday boobs were soooo engorged I looked like jordan! - I'm smiling (a bit) at that but the pain was excruiating, couldnt wear a bra, and had to basically strap them up as couldnt let them roam free due to the pain- managed to relieve it a bit by a feed. Since then boobs are really painful, hard, lumpy and nipples are agony and it was getting to the point where I was dreading waking her up and wanting a feed.

I have decieded to bottle feed only. I feel extremely guilty about this - everything you read says breast is the only way and if you do anything else then you are not a fit mother (well it doesnt say that, but thats how it makes you feel). I know Im only on day 6 and my hormones are all over the place, but when shes crying and my boobs leak it makes me feel terrible that I am not feeding her with the ultimate in milk - and I feel so responsible should anything happen to her because of it - I'm crying about it constantly and feel so bad about the whole thing. My M/W has said its no good if it is making me feel like this but I cant help it.

I am overwhelmed by how much I love my little girl and I feel like I am failing her already

L x

 

[MrsG]

Oh hun (((((big hugs))))) you are not failing your little girl. You have already breastfeed her for nearly a week so she has had some goodness from you, but you need to be happy aswell. If you swap to formula I dont think youve failed at all.

There is far far to much pressure being put onto new mums to stick to Bfing no matter what, each mum has to do whats right for them and their baby.

 

[Urchin]

Yeah you've done really well and if you've made up your mind you will be less stressed and so will your little girl.

Breastfeeding is not easy at first (it does get easier) and some babies are better at it than others. Sometimes it just doesn't suit mom and baby to carry on. It's not your fault, you gave her a great start so don't feel bad!

 

[Rosebay]

((()))

I breast fed for a week and then stopped too. If you look down this page there is my story in a thread called "Breastfeeding nightmare". Don't feel guilty and don't look back if you can help it. I know how hard it is, especially when everything related to babies has that thing about breastfeeding being the best- even the formula can! But sometimes it just doesn't work out and you have to do what's best for everyone as you're a complete unit now. I got to the point where I was frightened to feed him because of the pain and that's not what you want to be feeling when you look at your lovely new baby. I was so unhappy and unable to function let alone enjoy him for the first week that I know I made the right decision for all of us.

I've met lots of women who tried their best but couldn't do it and a lot of them get really upset about it in the same way that some women get upset by their labour experiences. If I'm honest I could still cry about it now, 11 weeks on, if I thought about it hard enough but there's no good in it, my boy is bonny and happy and so are me and my husband now we've got over that week.

Enjoy your baby
+++

 

[lisa31]

Thanks everyone - Its awful feeling so terrible - I already feel like I have the 'baby blues' and so this is really not helping - I cannot help but feel like a failure.....

Rosebay - thank you so much - read your breastfeeding nightmare post. I can totally sympathise with you - it is unbelievable how much it is forced upon you about how breast is best. We all know it is, but I for one am upset enough without (like you say) reading about it on the bloody formula tin. - I am actually crying as I make the stuff up, as I know my body is producing perfectly good milk but the pain is excruiating (I actaully have my boobs bound up with bandages at the moment because of the pain)

It was also causing stress between all of us - me being teary and upset at 3.00 in the morning because of the pain, D/H unable to help other than give comfort and support (of which he has been brilliant)

Thanks for your replies - it has given me some comfort and hopefully within the next few weeks I will be able to move on from this (it just doesnt feel like it at the moment)

L x

 

[Hypnorm]

you've give her a week of your own milk which is still excellent.
I sounds almost like you may have had mastitis....
i found the nipple shield a godsend and they were the only things which kept me going with the breast feeding - and believe me i was in tears at some of the feeds in the first 2 weeks - but it does get easier.. its the pain barrier and the toe curling

But don't get down girl you did you best

 

[beanie]

Hi Lisa, I understand why you feel that you feel like a failure but you really shouldn't. You gave it a go and gave your baby the best start ever but sometimes it doesn't work out for whatever reason. I remember crying when Seren woke up as I knew she would be hungry, and I hated the pain. No-one tells you about that, all you get is how breast is best etc which does not give a realistic view of breast feeding. I think if you are told then you would be better prepared, and would not feel so bad for using formula. Instead of thinking how you have failed your daughter I think you should give yourself a massive pat on the back for doing what you have done, that pain is excrutating and I for one would rather go through labour then face that again. With regards to the engorgement I know that they say not to express as this will encourage your boobs to make more milk etc but heat is your best friend. I found a hot bath or flannel held on my boob really eased any discomfort. If you do get a blocked duct hold a hot water bottle against the area as this will help ease the pain and also help get the milk flowing through the blockage. Oh yeah and eat a big bar of chocolate (not sure if medical science will support that last one but it made me feel better ). Hope both you and Heidi are doing ok xxx

 

[Lucy]

Hi Lisa

(((Hugs))) You have done brilliantly bf for the time you have . If you're mind is made up to stop breastfeeding I can totally relate to you and I really do believe the saying that a happy mummy makes a happy baby.

Have sent you a wee pm as well.

Lucy

 

[lisa31]

Beanie - thanks I did find that heat helped - made them leak everywhere - which they do when she cries - so that is really upsetting at the minute - I just wish they would dry up quick so I can move on with it. At the moment its just a constant reminder of what Im 'Not' doing.
Lol - on the chocolate front I have already eaten today: creme egg, twirl - think I need to focus on weightwatchers soon - at least if im not breastfeeding I can get back to that.

Lucy thanks for the PM - will reply seperatly

L x

 

[beanie]

Good on ya Lisa, have just had 2 creme eggs myself and they were bloomin lovely. Hope that your milk dries quickly, hopefully if they leak in the shower or something they won't leak when your daughter cries. And just think whilst you are all lovely and slim after weightwatchers I will still be a blob (mainly through all the creme eggs I have consumed)