frustrated by it all

[sunshine 34]

Hi,
i'm new to this but feeling frustrated by it all & thought it would help to talk to others in a similar boat rather than stew over it.
I've not been TTC for as long as some but have never been in this kind of situation where so little control on a situation.
I'm angry that the nurse at my GP's never mentioned how long it can take your body to settle after the pill & when i specifically asked about the pill & fertility last year in preparation for this I feel she should have advised stopping the pill & using other contraception until ready.
Now I feel very naive for not really thinking about the reality of how long it could take.
It is so hard to not become obsessed by it once you've decided to TTC & it seems everyone suddenly becomes pregnant or starts making baby comments & it feels like it happens straight away for everyone else which i'm sure it doesn't but that's how it feels.
Finding it hard to be happy for people close to me that become pregnant & that does not feel nice.
All the advice is to not become obsessed by it or anxious but how is that possible & it does not seem to have the same effect on the male half making discussions a little difficult.
Any tips on how to stay sane & g back to enjoying the process of TTC would be gratefully received.
Thanks

 

[PeanutButter]

I hate ttc. I am obsessed, and have been since my first mc. To hard to stay positive when your trying.. recently I've been getting emotional seeing pregnant ladies, never used to. I'm very bitter about it all now.
I don't know much about the pill, but some ladies on here said it's taken them ages for thier bodies to normalise after stopping.
Baby comments like "it's your turn next" or "your not drinking are you pregnant" annoy the hell outta me. My turm next...? Should have been my turn fking ages ago. Ugh.
I don't really have advise on how to stay sane or not obsess. It's difficult not to. Xx

 

[elsa16]

It is so frustrating - I think some people are just better at hiding it than others!

I've been getting really emotional and frustrated at other people's baby news. It's starting to feel really bloody unfair that this is taking so long. Been NTNP for a year and properly trying since March so I feel as though it should have happened by now xxxx

 

[CoolNoMore]

Hi,
I'm angry that the nurse at my GP's never mentioned how long it can take your body to settle after the pill & when i specifically asked about the pill & fertility last year in preparation for this I feel she should have advised stopping the pill & using other contraception until ready.
Now I feel very naive for not really thinking about the reality of how long it could take.
Thanks

You're not the only one feeling naive! I went to a religious school and before I started this ttc malarky, I genuinely thought you could get pregnant from a toilet seat.

I'm bloody livid we weren't told the half of it at school (and you would REALLY think that that nurse would have mentioned that key info about the pill, jeez) and it really upsets me when people say thoughtless things. This is month eight though, and for some reason I'm coping better than I ever have before. I'm pretty sure I didn't ovulate this month, and yet I'm positively chirpy. No idea why, but here are some things that I've found help:

1) Being overly graphic when people ask dumb questions. You want to know when I'm having kids? Let's talk about my cervical mucus and you can come to your own conclusions.

2) Swimming. I friggin love swimming, and you can yell all you like underwater!

3) Checking Ovia 20 times a day. People say 'just forget about it' but that is NEVER GOING TO HAPPEN. I prefer to indulge the crazy.

4) Checking this forum 20 times a day. People are nice. (DH just saw what I was writing and asked 'so is this forum your life now?' I said yes.)

5) Reading statistics. The vast majority of women ttc achieve a successful pregnancy within 5 years (sorry sweetpumpkin, if you're reading, I know you've been going longer). I can wait 5 years, if that's what it takes...although I'd sure as hell rather it were sooner.

Sorry, that turned into a bit of an essay.

 

[elsa16]

Ahh CoolNoMore I always know that whatever your post is I'm going to enjoy it. And maybe I'll go swimming this weekend - I'd forgotten how much I liked that xx

 

[katie88]

Hey Sunshine, welcome to the fun house! i know exactly how you feel! I was on the pill for 11 years before i came off (for info i'm 28) and am now on month 13 of trying with 1 loss in June. When i was planning on coming off the pill my doc told me my body would revert back to normal within a month and that because i'm fairly young, fit and healthy i should have no problem..... yea right!

I found it quite hard at the 6 month stage (as that felt like ages at the time) and since then and my loss just over 2 months ago, i've taken the approach of "meh im going to ignore it until it happens" i dont chart, temp or anything like that. We do the deed pretty much every other day and just see what happens now. My hubs was heartbroken in June so we've just decided to let nature take its own course and go with that. It was just too much every month for us, getting our hopes up just to have them dashed again.

I run a lot and have lots of other random hobbies which keep me out of trouble most of the time I race a lot with my running so most weekends im all over the country doing lord knows what! So it makes time go very quickly.

To keep sane just try to do things that you love to do! Make date nights with your other half, get dressed up and enjoy each other and if you do the deed at the end of the night, great, if not just snuggle and enjoy each others company.

Huge hugs! The other women on this board are fab! you'll always have us lot to talk to x

 

[Sunflower1]

Hi, I'm also totally obsessed, frustrated and anxious. I think men get anxious too they just don't want to talk about it.

I haven't come off the pill recently. When I did my body went potty and I got a massive acne rash on my face. Part of coming off it I imagine is the detox, so maybe treat your body like you are detoxing, and take all other pressures off your liver if you can (alcohol, caffeine, processed food, medication, artificial sweeteners, msg) and drink plenty of water and eat lots of veggies. I've given up milk, eggs and soya to keep down the added estrogen. I also have 2 mugs of Bournwille cocoa (with almond milk) everyday as it helps to strengthen the liver (has to be the pure stuff, not hot chocolate).

I have been dealing with hormonal imbalances, due to being overweight and having a cyst, and although I've lost nearly 7 stone now, my body hasn't found a balance yet. I imagine after coming off the pill your hormones are all over the place. If you want to get really obsessive, you can monitor your own hormones to see what's going on. I like doing this as I feel more in control. I've got an ovulation microscope so I can see the estrogen go up and down before ovulation (I've been told by my OH though not to use it obsessively as it shines a light in your eye). The last two months the estrogen has been constant and high (yay) and my husband says I've been a nightmare, but it's gone down now. You can monitor progestorone by tracing your BBT as it goes up in the luteal phase because of the progesterone.

As for advice on staying sane, keep coming on here. I've stopped pregnancy testing obsessively as each month was so disappointing...now I just watch my BBT line and know when AF is coming as my temp dips suddenly. It's still very upsetting but it's a gentler way of finding out than testing all the time, which was driving me mad. Enjoy the sex, get into the routine of trying and imagine it will take a while so you don't get your expectations up every month. You can only control so much of this...the rest is up to your body and chance.

 

[LadyE]

When i feel like i'm the only person on the planet going through this crap it is a comfort reading these posts and having this forum to vent frustrations. Its ironic how total strangers can all be going through the same thing and are the only ones who truly understand what its like!
Not one of my friends or family get how hard it is. I get the same old comments day after day 'its not your time' 'don't think about it so much' oh yeah like that's ever going to happen haha 'be happy your going to be an aunt' when all i feel is jealousy and i am the least jealous person in every other aspect of my life. I am so happy for my brother but at the same time why can't it be me.

Like you sunshine i am not used to not being able to control a situation, therefore I continually feel down and miserable.
I try not to feel like this and i have got very good at hiding it and putting on a fake smile.
I will never say to anyone again 'when you having kids' or 'isn't it your turn' i never realised how depressing those words can be to hear until ttc and not being able to.
Hugs to you all

 

[s1234]

Hiya just come across your post and could really relate to you. Just seeing how long it took for your periods to return to normal after finishing the pill ? I'm coming up to month 6 still nothing. My best friend has just revealed she is pregnant and I am so annoyed at myself from feeling hurt but just can't help it. Hope you don't mind me messaging! X

 

[s1234]

Completely meant to send that a message still getting used to the site x

 

[Keelygracey]

Just come across this post and also can totally relate, I think everybody feels the frustration.. I'm 27 and I'm on cycle #5 now.

I personally stopped taking the pill (Microgynon) after about 9 years, 5-6 months before we started to TTC and not because I thought ahead, I had just read so much bad press about the effects etc I just didn't want to take it anymore... we used condoms up until we decided to start trying.. I never noticed that my periods changed.. I know a lot of women would take the pill back to back to skip their period is this what causes the problem?.. I never did that and always has a normal monthly period when i was on the pill and when I stopped my periods continued as normal.. was I just lucky?

I was completely naive on my first cycle, I thought this is it, we're going to get pregnant straight away, why wouldnt we, we're both young, healthy, neither of us drink or smoke, why wouldn't it happen straight away? Nope.. 5 months later we're still trying.. and yes it's frustrating!!

The thing that helps me the most is like somebody else said you've only got to look at the statistics to see how long it *actually* takes... you get a lot of 'well I got pregnant first time'... and yes some women are extremely lucky but the average timescale is a lot longer..

Really try not to let it consume you.. we are all in the same boat here

Good luck xx

 

[Arya]

I hear you, I get the all of a sudden it seems everyone else is pregnant around you. I've never really been broody but always knew I wanted kids so the way I'm feeling now feels horrible. It's like Ive turned into this crazy OCD person. I'm so impatient and cannot stand the lack of control. The not knowing if I can even have kids, we're new to TTC but I have no idea if my body is even capable.

My 2 closest friends I feel I can't talk to, 1 is going through the early menopause, she is 33. She says she isn't bothered about kids but I think deep down maybe she is, her reactions have been a bit off when I said we were going to start TTC so I've not brought it up again. The other close friend has just fallen pregnant with her second, both pregnancies happened quickly and she wasn't even too bothered about having kids in the first place.


I'd say allow yourself to feel angry and every thing you're feeling. I kinda allow myself www angry down moments but then put a time limit on it.

 

[sunshine 34]

Thank you all so much for your encouraging posts & words.
You are so right,complete strangers can make it better. Amazing.
It's hard not to remember the normal statistics for getting pregnant & just feels like everyone else has success 1st time round.
You only realise how hurtful comments can be once you are in this like 'beong pregnant isnt all its cracked up to be'! Horrible to hear even when said with the best if intentions.
My periods cane back regular straight away & thought I was ovulating so more frustrating to have no success but things have a way of working themselves out I'm sure.
Being busy helps & proper time with the other half & remembering why you are happy together.
Very difficult not being completely happy for friends & family but helps by remembering the nice parts of being child free for now & thinking how super special it will be when it finally happens.x

 

[Dandelion1]

Hi All

This is my first post, I have been reading this forum for a while & it has helped me so much as I don't really have anyone to talk to about this whole subject. Ive been ttc now for 14 months & i feel like I've been on a very long emotional rollercoaster which never stops. It's just horrible stressing about it every day, I try to forget about it but it's always in the back of my mind.. I am doing enough things, eating the right stuff etc. I too feel exactly the same when I see other pregnant women, I can't bear to look at them, I feel terrible for feeling like that, & when i find out someone I know is pregnant I go into meltdown for a couple of days. I think I too was so naive to think I would fall as soon as I decided to start trying. You spend your whole live being taught how not to get pregnant then no-one tells you how to.

Anyways, I'll stop going on, glad I've completed my first post, feel better already!

 

[CoolNoMore]

Hi Dandelion1! Not a OITNB fan, are you?!

Welcome to the forum, we're very good and both talking and listening. And moaning and sulking...or at least I am

 

[Dandelion1]

Thanks for reply, no not a OITNB fan.

 

[sunshine 34]

Hi dandelion 1,this is my first experience of forums too & have to say it helps a huge amount to be amongst people like myself and people with bigger struggles puts mine into perspective. I had a complete melt down when I found out my sister in law was pregnant. I thought I should be able to deal with it but it's normal we get upset so don't best yourself up about it.

 

[CoolNoMore]

Hi dandelion 1,this is my first experience of forums too & have to say it helps a huge amount to be amongst people like myself and people with bigger struggles puts mine into perspective. I had a complete melt down when I found out my sister in law was pregnant. I thought I should be able to deal with it but it's normal we get upset so don't best yourself up about it.

Just to say - it seems like there are a lot of us trying not to melt down too much on the forum. I say go for it, that's why we're here. Let 'er rip! Sunshine is entirely right, it's normal and acceptable to get upset.

 

[katie88]

Hi All

This is my first post, I have been reading this forum for a while & it has helped me so much as I don't really have anyone to talk to about this whole subject. Ive been ttc now for 14 months & i feel like I've been on a very long emotional rollercoaster which never stops. It's just horrible stressing about it every day, I try to forget about it but it's always in the back of my mind.. I am doing enough things, eating the right stuff etc. I too feel exactly the same when I see other pregnant women, I can't bear to look at them, I feel terrible for feeling like that, & when i find out someone I know is pregnant I go into meltdown for a couple of days. I think I too was so naive to think I would fall as soon as I decided to start trying. You spend your whole live being taught how not to get pregnant then no-one tells you how to.

Anyways, I'll stop going on, glad I've completed my first post, feel better already!

Hey Andelion, your post could have been written by me! I know exactly how you feel! ive just gone into month 14 too, its a joy! but at least we all have each other here

 

[kaypee]

While i am nowhere near 14mths i also feel the same about pregnancy announcements. Feels as tho literally everyone else is and i will never be. I am really happy for them esp i know its not been easy for some of them but i am just a bit sad for me. Glad to be able to say it here anyway!xx