Freebirthing

[Jamie.d]

Controversial subject!

I'm struggling to find anyone who is understanding, and I'm not looking for validation but anyone with information or experience on having a free birth?

I'm not abandoning or excluding the idea of any professional medical help, I just feel that the last two times I gave birth the experience was utterly ruined by the hospital staff and panic ensued making what should have been beautiful and empowering, terrifying and scarring more than anything...

For the record I will be hiring a doula and having thorough private ultrasounds/health checks performed by a trained professional so i'm not going in blind!
I just do not want to become part of the mooing herd of cattle I felt I was last time ushered in and out by the NHS who quite frankly appeared not to give a shit...

I would really appreciate any insight on this subject but please try to be positive in your approach as it is a huge decision on my part!

 

[GBLiz]

i'd never heard of the term before, but reading your post sounds like my first pregnancy! although mine was kind of through necessity as i was working on the road and travelling. I checked in with a midwife at about 6 weeks, then booked ultrasounds privately at 12 and 20 weeks, next saw my midwife when i went into labour and had a home birth! I dont see any problem with it at all.

 

[Jamie.d]

I'm super early and prone to MC so I shouldn't even be thinking this far ahead, but I guess it's going to take a load of preparation!

Basically It's taking yourself out of the system and regaining control of your own birthing and pregnancy experience..

The first time round my Midwife almost killed my child! ended up with a lush 8 day stay in hospital because of her failure to listen to my own intuitions about my body and my baby! My mother is a senior midwife and almost throttled her a few times, it was unbelievably neglectful.

The second time I had my waters burst without my consent (they said they were examining me!) Which is surely against some kind of policy?! neither me or the baby were in distress, labour had only been in full swing for about 30 mins and I feel it ruined it as I wanted my body to do it's own thing... I was quite the breastfeeding pro by this time and I wanted to latch my own baby once I'd had a chance to look at his face but he was whisked away to be prodded and weighed and they even put a weird freakkin hat on him!! then I had hands grabbing my boob and my baby! I was denied delayed cord clamping, they hushed me and gave me no feeling of control.. it felt so incredibly forced it was horrible..

I'm not going to have a midwife present for my labour, but will have a presentation scan to make sure everything is in the right place and will let the hospital know if i need the assistance.. I'm not disregarding medical advice or assistance but I feel the need to take control over what should be an incredibly intimate time.

I just want it to be me and my partner and maybe a doula for emotional support but I HATE HATE HATE the idea of being pressed to make decisions I don't want to, specially seeing as sometimes they can just be protocol and not deemed beneficial in anyway to baby or me :/

 

[Selina13]

Jamie, where do you live? I have a service commissioned by nhs 'One to one midwives' and they encourage hypnobirthing/home birth amd consistency of one midwife allocated to you. This might ne a nice option for your standby? No pressure but I have found their mission for natural birth and respect for mothers really refreshing. I understand your view re conveyor belt service at hospital and via the nhs midwives there and I have felt so much better with this service.

I totally respect your decision for freebirth and applaude your assertiveness! Im a bit of a chicken and would want someone there (med trained) but thats partly not trusting my own body. I personally feel labour for me is a tad scary plus It's not like I do it often to know Im good at it!! Lol.

I wish you luck and its your birth and your decision. Xxxx

 

[Jamie.d]

Thank you! What a lovely response...
I really was expecting some form of abuse hurled at me so I haven't spoken to anyone except my partner about it :/

I'm in Milton Keynes and definitely want to include medical professionals but I want my birth to be as hands off as possible (unless I really need the help)
My mum has been a midwife all of her life and is retiring early.. even she agrees these days they're stretched so thin it's impossible for most people to receive the kind of care they expect or need, and a vast majority feel let down or failed ☹️ So sad..
They're just so tired and overworked they lose the passion they had for helping the mothers and babies the way they want to.
That's exactly why I want to take as much control over my experience as possible, so that it can be as special as it should be.
I may enquire at the hospital as I'm still early but have got a scan on 29th so might be a good opportunity to bring it up!

Thank you! Xx

 

[fairycake]

In our area we have a special team of midwives for home births and they offer a 'hands off' approach to labour and will only intervene at the birth if needed so maybe speak to your community midwife about that option, rather than the hospital. For a full and thorough private scan you have to pay a lot of money, particularly the anomaly scan which is something to consider. I think you should definitely be able to have the labour you want and I am sure they will help you get it xx

 

[Jamie.d]

we have been to the clinic and priced it all up, we will be booking our NT scan end of Jan and then the anomaly scan at around 20 weeks..I think this is the pricey one at roughly £130 but well worth it IMO

Over the course of 9 months I don't think it should be too extreme!
I haven't booked with a midwife just yet as I'm still so early and I've lost so many...I loathe making all the calls to cancel the appointments etc..
I'm definitely going to have a look into the home birth specialist thing though so thank you ladies! x

 

[Elspeth]

Hi Jamie,

Just to say I had a brilliant experience at a midwife run birthing centre.
Total respect for my body and wishes, birthing pool all ready when I arrived, I just stripped off and hopped in.

At no point did the midwife do a VE, she and I could tell what stage of labour I was in just by looking at me. When I felt the urge to push I started pushing.
As it was a water birth then they are hands off in the delivery of the baby too. It was just nice to have someone there to clean up the mess!

I'm so sorry you've had such a rubbish previous experience. I also felt a bit like that with my first. They are rushing you through, you're not making enough progress so they start intervening and things get more and more complicated.

I'd definitely consider a home birth in your situation. The midwives are assigned to you one to one and will be very experienced in natural birthing.

I really hope you get the birth you want.
Xxx

 

[Jamie.d]

My mum is a midwife and she tried to get me into Northampton birthing centre with my son, which was absolutely beautiful!! I think the hospital have to agree you're okay to go there which means no inductions or complications etc...I wasn't even allowed a birth pool.. I had to be induced a week after my due date because his movements slowed right down which was rubbish so had to be monitored in the hospital!
I just felt that even after I was induced the labor was straightforward and I was coping well so the extra measures they took only stressed me out and had me screaming at the nurses to get their hands out of my foof lol!
It didn't help my mum telling me to shut up all the time because I was embarrassing her at work paha!!

I understand they have to try to reduce risk as much as possible but sometimes it's hugely unnecessary.. I think I will feel a lot more in control in my own home tbh!

 

[LuckyLaura]

I haven't even begun to think about a birth plan but freebirthing sounds ideal to me. The one thing I can't stand if in pain is people around me or proding at me. Id rather they be in the room next door and come if I ask them but otherwise stay the hell away haha I might do some research into this now but I think if u feel it's what is right for you then go for it xxx

Sent from my G8141 using Tapatalk

 

[Jamie.d]

There's an awful lot of negativity surrounding it because some mothers go to the extreme of having no scans and absolutely no medical checkups etc... Then having no one there or on standby for the birth.
I think somewhere in between is where I feel safe although couldn't comment on other people's choices as it's their risk to take!

You can hire a Doula who can support you emotionally through the process but can't intervene medically in case of an emergency but some are birth certified I think? Still doing my research! hehe

It all sounds very romantic and empowering but I'm still weighing up the pros and cons at this point x

 

[Blank_Page]

It sounds fantastic to be honest. I'm appauled at how you've been treated previously that's actually shocking!!

I've not laboured before but my local midwife led unit specialises in water births and encourage the minimal use of pain meds because many slow down labour. They will examine you when you arrive just to check dilation but they said if you want they will then go away and leave you alone if that's what you want. They would also prefer you tried to feed on your own without their help because then the baby is learning it not just having it shoved in their mouth. I'm feeling confident at this point its the right place for what I'm looking to get out of labour for me. However if I have any complications I'll have to go to the big hospital where everyone is extremely rude to patients, visitors and each other and I'm concerned that it would be such a stressful environment which would impact my labour. If its not an emergency situation but I'm not able to go to my preferred place I thibk I'd literally give birth in the car on the way there than have to go to that horrendous hospital!!

 

[Jamie.d]

oh no bless you!!
This is the fear that we as women in control of our bodies should not have to feel!
We fear something that is such a natural thing and an involuntary response all because of the negative build up and sometimes horrible experiences..

The midwife led units are absolutely amazing, but you have to pretty much have a unicorn pregnancy to be allowed in there...the majority of women are going to experience some form of 'complication' but that doesn't mean we should automatically be forced into something we ultimately do not want!

Please if you get a chance have a look at this page on Facebook, I believe it could be invaluable to any pregnant woman even those planning for a hospital birth!
It's all about knowing your rights and making informed decisions regarding you and your baby

https://www.facebook.com/chilledmamaantenatal/

 

[Elspeth]

Great link Jamie.
I also feel strongly about this topic. I feel we are pressured in to medical intervention even when there is no evidence to support better outcomes for mums and babies. We are not even given the information that we have a choice or our options.
Have you read Ina May Gaskin's book on birth. Definitely a must read for anyone thinking a long these lines. Very empowering read and it helped me understand birthing differently.

I also found a website by an aussie independent midwife very informative, if you Google 'midwife thinking' it comes up. She has written on various topics and sums up the evidence as well. So much of obstetrics if just done because that's what they've always done, there is no evidence it actually helps anyone.
For example, my first baby was a pre labour rupture of membranes. I knew nothing at the time. This was a small hind water leak and not a big gush of fluid. As policy dictated I was induced when my labour didn't start with the prescribed time period. It ended predictably enough with a distressed baby being delivered very quickly by vontouse.
This is done as there is a theoretical risk of ascending infection. I could have been monitored and waited for labour to start. This option was not even mentioned.
I wish I'd been more informed at the time.

 

[Jamie.d]

That is half the problem.. I think they weigh up every option and once they've decided what they think is best (least risk of them being held accountable for anything/drain on resources) they like to make you feel as though it's the only way!

As i'm learning I feel more and more like an injustice has been done with my previous births so I'm determined for this one (and hopefully my last) to be the experience I need to be at peace with it all....

I'm sorry you had a rubbish experience too the vontouse is also how they dragged out my poor daughter, not pleasant!

Thank you for the info, I will definitely be doing my reading!

 

[Princess81]

Hi Jamie
I have friends who are free birthers but no personal experience. Also a lot of people it ends up happening to unplanned!
I am a midwife and would always strive to support anyone in their wishes and firmly believe that we should all be doing that, provided you have sufficient information and capacity to understand any associated risks.
I’m part of a home birth team where I am and we certainly aim to remain ha de off in all ways possible. All I will say is, be firm with your wishes, let your voice be heard and sod not be down trodden. Ultimately it’s your choice about if you have trained people there. I was a doula before I became a midwife and hopefully she will be aware of her limits within her role x

 

[Jamie.d]

I'm not going to say I'm fully prepared to go it alone, because ultimately I will be having a lot of care throughout the pregnancy...
My blood tests, scans etc will be booked via a private clinic so will still receive all care just not through the hospital.

Just because my 2 experiences were negative doesn't mean my third would be but It's a risk I just don't want to take with this one as I'm not planning on anymore children.
I'm sure there are fantastic midwives who allow for the woman to labor naturally without unnecessarily intervening It's just a crying shame that I didn't meet them...
As for the birth I am still undecided but I have a long while to decide! my mum has been a midwife all of her working life, but I know she cannot deliver the baby as I know the Doula can't, I just want to guarantee that I will get my home birth even if they insist that I can't because of inductions and whatever other nonsense should stop me from having a straightforward birth