First week being difficult

Discussion in 'Baby & Toddler' started by futuremum, Dec 29, 2005.

  1. futuremum

    futuremum Well-Known Member

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    Hello!!!

    Although it is great to have Thomas with us, i am finding it hard at times, especially with the breastfeeding. When my milk came, my boops were so huge they did not fit into my 40 G bra!!! They were rock hard and one of them was red. Thomas who usually was good latching on them refused to do it for hours but was screaming of hunger. It got to me and I started to cry feeling totally useless.

    I used a breast pump to express milk, started by emptying as much as I could of both breasts and now i express before each feed and use hot water on my breasts to make the milk more fluid.
    Now Thomas is so busy sleeping he does not wake up to have his feed and I felt horrible when the midwife told me I should have woke him up during the night to feed him, I felt like I was such a bad mum. So I wake him up every 3 hours for food but he is not interested and it is difficult to wake him up sometimes.

    My DH, although great for helping me is very stressed too and he thinks I should be sitting down 24/7 with my breast out and feed baby each time he cries. When he sees me on the computer, he makes comments telling me I am not interested in my kid and that puts me down too.

    I feel so tired and pressured... Each time Thomas does not want to eat, I feel bad, each time I do something else than looking after the baby, my boyfriend is making me feel guilty. I even forget to take my painkillers or go to the toilet sometimes.

    Tension is building up between me and OH, it is our first baby but I do think he is over the top and that baby can sleep in his moses basket and not on my lap from time to time.

    Hopefully, things will get easier. I do not know if it is me doing things wrong or if it is DH who should relax a bit more...

    Sorry for the moaning...
     
  2. hayley

    hayley Well-Known Member

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    I don't know how you feel as this is my first pregnancy and i'm in the early stages still.

    But I think everyone including a new mum needs time to herself. You need to be able to switch off for a short time each day and think about yourself. If you wear yourself out who will look after the baby.. don't put too much pressure on yourself. If your baby was hungry i'm sure he would let you now... if he is happy sleeping then he can't be hungry...

    Tell your OH that you need moments on your own to re-charge your batteries... he shouldn't put pressure on you.. as you say he's probably just as nervous...

    I'll probably be just the same as you when my turn comes. I supppose all new mums are a little anxious and scarred at first.

    x
     
  3. Guest

    Oh hunnie I can sympathise with you totally, not that it probably makes you feel better?

    I love having Damien home but he is such hard work and I barely get a minute to myself inbetween washing bottles, changing Damo, feeding him and the never ending job of winding is starting to put a lot of strain on our relationship in ways I never expected them to. I have shouted at him quite a few times recently, probably over something I shouldnt.

    If your baby is hungry - he will cry and wake you up for a feed is what I have been told. I set an alarm when I go to sleep for 4 hourly feeds. Damien should have 3 hourly feeds and tends to wake for it during the day - but at night he is a different story. By the time we eventually get him to sleep from the 2 hour job of feeding and then winding, he is just too tired to wake up an hour later for his next feed that he just doesn't. So by giving him the extra hour it helps. Damien is a very tiered baby though due to his prematurity. Try the alarm to wake you if it'll help? it might just start a routine for you and him?

    It's normal to have crying times when you feel shit in the first few days, especially when your milk comes in apprently and you first start expressing/feeding. If you carry on feeling this way though it might be an idea to speak to your MW or HV.

    You're not alone hunnie, have a cuddle with your OH when you've both settled down, it could help just to heal the little battle scars bringing up a baby puts on your relationship.

    xxxx
     
  4. Sarah&Braydon

    Sarah&Braydon Well-Known Member

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    awww hun i know wot u mean bout the sore boobs - not nice - my midwife told me to wake braydon up in the middle of the nite for a feed but i refused as i didnt want to get him in that routine when he was sleeping thro. have u tried tlking to ur OH explain how u r feeling and that u love him totally but like him u need some u time - ur body is still recovering from the birth so it has got enough pressure on it i know it is stress full but u r doing your best try making ur OH understand -
     
  5. Hypnorm

    Hypnorm Well-Known Member

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    hi, i understand how you feel. the first two weeks are the hardest on you and your hubby. it is a BIG change to both your lives, you hubby must understand that you do need to speak to other peole even if it is on the net here.
    Your boobs will settle down over the next few weeks - ewan is 4 months now and still BF and i no longer leak everywhere, though if he doesn't feed during the night they are rock hard in the morning. (he still doesn't regularly sleep trhough yet)
    My boy couldn't latch on very well in the first two weeks as i was so engorged so i used nipple shield and then gradually weaned him of them as he got better at Breastfeeding. he was so impateint and would go in to meltdown if i didn't get him latched on quickly.
    I think the first few weeks i worried about everything! is he jaundiced at all because ewan was and he didn't feed veru well and lost 1lb in weight, and the midwife said he might have to go back to hospital, so i fed him all the time about every hour hour and a half during the day, and then let him lead me during the night as i knew he would wake up.
    Don't listen to the midwives too intently let your instincts guide you and speak to people here - there is a great community here and we will try to help you as much as possible
    Try and have a bath with cnadle in an evening an get hubby to baby sit 4 an hour - your will feel better
     
  6. stephlw25

    stephlw25 Well-Known Member

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    The first few weeks are the hardest all i can say is that is does get better. Go with your insticts, you know your little man better than anyone. i never used to wake jamie up for feeds in the night, he used to wake up once at 3am for a feed and thats it, pretty soon he slept right through. i just thought well if he is hungry then he will let me know!!
    I also found that i snapped at my OH for the first few weeks... lack of sleep is a killer along with all the hormones rushing around it just makes you very teasy!! well it did me!! both being first time parents we would snap at each other through frustration....i.e.....why is he crying??? i expected my OH to know and vise versa!!!!! lol
    He shouldnt make you feel bad....you need time to yourself...even if its just for half and hour to go relax in the bath..it makes such a difference.
    It just getting into the swing of things and adapting to life with a new baby...it does get better honest!!!

    Steph x
     
  7. Rosebay

    Rosebay Well-Known Member

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    I totally sympathise hun. My first week was a total nightmare, the second week there were good and bad days and the third and forth weeks have still been difficult but we're getting into the swing of it. To be honest, and I know I had a relatively easy labour but, I have found these few weeks harder than the labour. Crazy I know. It's the hormones, the mad newness of the fact that you have this baby and it's yours to keep, the sleep deprivation, the worry, people coming and fussing over you and the baby, all the advice you're given (and the urge to ignore most of it!), the birth trauma (even if it's been easy you can't help re-playing it) etc etc. I've just got back from a few days at my parents house. My Nan, Mum, Dad and brother were there and so my DH and I were able to catch up on some sleep as I trust them with him totally and also they were able to reassure us that we were doing ok and that this will all pass. It seems like an age since he was born and since I am doing the night shift and am going to bed every night at 7 so that I get a few hours sleep in while my DH minds him I am wondering if I'll ever go out or socialise again but I have been reliably informed by everyone who knows that this period is very short.

    Hang on in there. Trust your instincts. Ignore stupid advice (we actually hid some of our baby books as they made us feel bad!). We spent Xmas Day with some friends, one of whom's Mum is a retired health visitor. 8 hours with a woman whose job was to talk families through these weeks! I was a bit freaked out I have to say as we're feeding to schedule, using a car seat during the day, using a dummy, bottle feeding and a whole host of other things that current wisdom seems to be against. Anyway, she said that he seemed content and we should go with what we feel is right- that trends come and go and that you just have to adapt it all to your baby but not forget the rest of your family too. If we had demand fed it would have caused major problems for us because of the way that we live and sleep and we would have been stressy and upset around him, he doesn't seem to mind the routine so that's what we've done. He will wake if he's hungry during the night- if he's ok for weight then don't worry too much. Although Elliott is on a routine I don't set an alarm at night- just wait for his tummy to wake us! Most of the time it is 4 hours but last week he went 5 and a half hours and then 2 and a half.

    To be honest I think that our babies are better adjusted to all of this than we are! My fave midwife said to me that in the first few weeks she worries about the mother not the baby as babies are pretty tough and will let it known what they want whereas the mothers tend to be climbing up the walls! I find it hard to get sleep and to eat and to look after myself but you have to otherwise you end up cracking and getting upset and it all gets too much (and my DH then freaks out too!).

    Anyway, I've babbled for long enough! Hope it gets easier for you soon, you're not alone, I know personally this is one of the hardest things I've ever done. He is sooo cute though and has just started little smiles now and then which is incredible. It's worth it :)

    +++
     
  8. futuremum

    futuremum Well-Known Member

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    Hello!!

    Thanks for your reply!!!!

    Yesterday and today have been better . We woke Thomas every 3 hours for feed and since last night, he wakes himself up before his feed. He does not usually wait for the 3 hours, he is hungry before that but only eats for 15 minutes. I know it is early stages yet but I felt like I could have a rest. I started washing clothes today, tidy up the bedroom and slept 2 hours this afternoon. I talked to DH and things are a bit better. I think he feels a bit left out that he cannot feed the baby as he is doing everything else from washing the pots to changing the baby's clothes (not nappy though, cannot face the mustardy pooh lol) and the baby will settle much quicker with me. He loves his son to bits and really wants the best for him but is getting confused with everything that he reads, so one day he comes up with an idea and the other day with the opposite. Personnally, I'd rather go with my own instincts as they have worked for me so far.

    But things are better so far and hopefully will get better, fingers crossed!!!
     

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