First pregnancy & miscarriage

[Natalie8964]

Hi all.

This thread was so helpful during the time I was pregnant and although I wanted to delete my account and never come here again I decided against it. I have never been through this before and figure hopefully writing this all down might help, along with other ladies thoughts.

My last period was 25th November and we found out I was pregnant on 29th December. That was our second month TTC so it happened quite quickly. I was really impatient so we booked an early scan which we had on 27th January. They put my dates back by 11 days compared to what we thought. Didn't really think much of it, as we saw the heartbeat on the scan and assumed all was well. I was never sick once and felt generally well apart from being tired with sore boobs and bad skin. We had what was supposed to be our dating scan yesterday. I knew straight away. Abdominal scan showed something very small, smaller than it should have been. Internal scan confirmed baby had not grown and there was no heartbeat.

I am utterly devastated and so is my husband. The usual questions like why us, it's not fair, why has this happened have all been asked and obviously there are no answers. I chose to take the drugs to start the process - I didn't want to just wait for it to happen, not knowing how long it would take. And surgery seemed so drastic. Last night was just awful, the pain was horrible, I was upset and tired and just wanted to wake up from a bad dream. This morning when I got up and went to the loo I passed something like a clot but not sure exactly what it was, I was too upset to think about it too much.

I just feel empty. How am I not pregnant anymore.. why does this happen? I know it's nature doing what it should do, but it's so cruel and traumatic. I can't even bear the thought of having to go through it again. But I want to try to stay positive. We will definitely try again once I have my first period. And we just have to hope and trust it will happen for us when the time is right and the baby will be a healthy happy one.

To any other ladies out there going through this - we are strong. We can get through it. It doesn't matter what people say 'it's common, happens all the time' etc.. It doesn't help. But, know that you can do it. I can. I know I can. It will take time but I can be happy again and one day I'll have my little baby. X

 

[chattychar1990]

Hi Natalie,
So sorry you are going through this hun and like you already said nothing anyone says will make you feel better but i am sending you hugs
It is such a traumatic time for anyone that has to go through a miscarriage, but you fell VERY quickly so the bets are in your favour that it will happen quickly for you again.
In the nicest way possible i hope the bleeding etc stops soon so you can start a new cycle.
Good luck for the future hun x

 

[LucyR]

I’m sorry you are going through this. But this thread is so helpful to have a rant and get advice. I’ve had 5 miscarriages if you need to talk I’m here x

 

[Kitana]

So sorry you have had to go through this. You were brave to have chosen the pills, it's not easy to go through the bleeding and pain.
Nobody can make the pain go away and nobody can help you mourn.
That being said, my OH was my rock when I had a MMC at 12 weeks. I hope you and your partner take some time to heal together.
Take care of each other.x

 

[Natalie8964]

So sorry you have had to go through this. You were brave to have chosen the pills, it's not easy to go through the bleeding and pain.
Nobody can make the pain go away and nobody can help you mourn.
That being said, my OH was my rock when I had a MMC at 12 weeks. I hope you and your partner take some time to heal together.
Take care of each other.x

Thank you so much for all your kind words - it really helps when you can read the stories of other women's experiences rather than just thinking of them as a statistic.

Kitana, I remember you from the 1st trimester thread. I was so sorry to read of your MMC. It's so odd to think that just a week ago I was checking the forum everyday for updates and pregnancy chat thinking I was going along nicely with my peanut. But the reality is so different. It's such a cruel process, that you don't get to know until you are 12 weeks into your pregnancy that something has gone terribly wrong.

My husband has been amazing. I think it's brought us closer - me and my hormones were causing alot of arguments while I was pregnant! I feel so silly looking back for almost pushing him away. I don't think I'll take him for granted so much next time.

We are both definitely wanting to start trying again straight away. But I'm going to follow the advise of the hospital and wait for my period before we do. I think this will also give us time to get over this situation a little. My husband bought me a spa break for my birthday which we hadn't got round to booking so we are going to go in a few weeks when hopefully the bleeding has stopped.

I might start a TTC journal when the time comes so I can write everything down, it seems to help with coping. Again thank you all, everyone of you is so brave and strong x

 

[Kitana]

It felt so surreal for me. Like it happens to others, but not yourself, if you know what I mean?

I understand what you mean about the silly arguments, I had them too, and even after the d&c, I still had inner explosions! It takes a while for your body to get back to normal.

I struggled a lot with the spotting, it felt like a constant reminder of something I didn't want to be reminded of. I test for HCG every day now and hope it will start to fade away soon. I really want to ttc asap and I don't want to wait for AF to come but I have no idea when I will ovulate anyway.

Hope your family and friends can help you through this, it helps when you can talk about it, but all in it's own time. It took me 2 weeks before I could talk about it without crying.

Take care Nathalie.x

 

[Natalie8964]

I know exactly what you mean. It's like being in a horrible nightmare that you think you'll wake up from and everything will be back to normal and my baby will still be with me. But it's not. When you've started to look at baby names and prams and your mam is so excited to have her first grandchild.. And it's snatched away. There are definitely feelings of anger at the why, and the person I am needs to know a reason why something happens. So that I can't have an answer is super upsetting.

I really hope the bleeding doesn't last too long. I'm still getting crampy pains and bleeding. If that part was done I think it'd be easier to move on. But I know this so carry on for a couple of weeks. I think I'd like to start straight away but at least if I wait for AF and lucky enough to fall straight away then there's something to help with dates.

Thanks for your words Kitana, it really helps x

 

[Natalie8964]

I’m sorry you are going through this. But this thread is so helpful to have a rant and get advice. I’ve had 5 miscarriages if you need to talk I’m here x

Hi Lucy, thank you for your comment. I do have a question if that's ok. I took the medicine on Tuesday afternoon and passed what I think was probably the remains of the baby on the Wednesday morning. Last night and today i have been having pains, bit like period pains, but all across my tummy and down low, especially if I'm having a wee or pass wind etc. Its not unbearable but it is quote painful. Is this normal? They said I should follow up if I had heavy bleeding (still bleeding but not heavy) or pain which I couldn't manage, or felt unwell. It's just this pain really, I'm wondering if it's normal.. I don't want to waste time on the weekend if I can manage It and I'm worrying for no reason x

 

[LucyR]

Hi Lucy, thank you for your comment. I do have a question if that's ok. I took the medicine on Tuesday afternoon and passed what I think was probably the remains of the baby on the Wednesday morning. Last night and today i have been having pains, bit like period pains, but all across my tummy and down low, especially if I'm having a wee or pass wind etc. Its not unbearable but it is quote painful. Is this normal? They said I should follow up if I had heavy bleeding (still bleeding but not heavy) or pain which I couldn't manage, or felt unwell. It's just this pain really, I'm wondering if it's normal.. I don't want to waste time on the weekend if I can manage It and I'm worrying for no reason x

Course it’s ok to ask. I’m not sure if I can be much help but I’ll try. When you say took did you swallow or have the tablet inserted? When I had my medically managed miscarriage i knew what I had passed but when bleeding slowed down and I had some pain I knew it hadn’t finished I began doing things to make it bleed again not sure if this is the right advise I took raspberry leaf tea and also just stayed up right letting gravity do it’s thing. I was in pain for about 48 hours nothing awful but I would have a hot water bottle and pain killers after the pain decreased I bled for a further 3 days and it was like a normal period. Sorry not sure if this is helpful x

 

[Natalie8964]

Course it’s ok to ask. I’m not sure if I can be much help but I’ll try. When you say took did you swallow or have the tablet inserted? When I had my medically managed miscarriage i knew what I had passed but when bleeding slowed down and I had some pain I knew it hadn’t finished I began doing things to make it bleed again not sure if this is the right advise I took raspberry leaf tea and also just stayed up right letting gravity do it’s thing. I was in pain for about 48 hours nothing awful but I would have a hot water bottle and pain killers after the pain decreased I bled for a further 3 days and it was like a normal period. Sorry not sure if this is helpful x

Thank you, yes it was really helpful to me. Last night the pain kept me awake and I called the EPAU at 2am. They said I could go straight in or take some painkillers and see how I got on. I took codeine and barely slept but it sort of dulled the pain a bit. Went to the EPAU this afternoon and had an examination and swabs taken. Cervix is closed and nothing stuck. Scan tomorrow to see if there is anything left over. I really hope there isn't, I cannot face doing this all over again

 

[LucyR]

Oh I’m so sorry. Hopefully the pain eases soon. Fingers crossed the scan goes ok tomorrow x

 

[Natalie8964]

Well we had some relief today, they scanned me and there is nothing left. So that's good, it means we can start to get back to normal. The pain has really settled too, so I'm feeling a little more human! They took swabs yesterday so I'll find out at some point this week if there is any infections at all and if there is we can treat them. I'm taking this as my turning point - positive thoughts only from now on.