Final straw long gone, no one puts my baby in danger!!!

[kat1988]

For some reason people in my life seem to think its ok to make plans for me like I'm somehow incapable of doing anything for myself, to me this is a massive deal as I'm fearcly independent. but knowing I'm probably bein over sensitive and stubborn I've been letting it go and being nice about it, untill today.

In the past month the following has been arranged for me...

attendance to 2 weddings where I've not met bride, groom or any member of the wedding party, on my own I'd like to add,

to move house, without my knowledge, to a house I've not even seen, and I'll have to do all the packing and all the moving by myself while looking after a 4 month old baby, and for at least the first month of living there it'll be a building site, I and there's no contracts sorted yet so after moving it may still fall through!

when moving to this new house I have no say in any of the new furniture we'll have to have (inbuilt wardrobes in current house for example) but I am expected to pay for it, out of my smp

my own birthday, I have no say in any of it, who's there, where it is etc despite me protesting I don't want to celebrate this year having just lost my mum.

a meeting to meet a vicar to discuss having my child christened despite stating on several occasions she will not be being christened, we will however be arranging a blessing of some kind Next year.

and the highlight of the month...

my holiday next year with oh, lo and the in laws to a child abusers house for a week

I THINK NOT!!! I'm so far past fuming!!! normally I'm so laid back but I just yelled at oh for 20mins down the phone, and I will be again when he comes home from work. I had to let tht out, there is no way I'm letting anyone who has abused a child near my daughter!

I should probably clarify the person that organised it didn't know this person is an abuser, but that's because they are a complete stranger and IMO they shouldn't be arranging for a child to stay with someone they don't know anyway, let alone without the parents knowledge or permission!

 

[Emamay]

Uhm...

Wtf??

This just sounds like a whole mess of crazy...

Who the heck is organising all this random stuff?

 

[kat1988]

except the vicar oh and his family, these are the main points of annoyance but there are many many more, I'm sat here waiting for oh to get home to have it out with him

 

[Emamay]

Are these people insane?

Okay... I can kind of understand whoever not knowing about the child abuse, but still... You just don't organise for someone else to take their child to some randoms house, what is up with that?

I can totally understand that you're livid hun... I think some ground rules need to be stamped in somewhere.

MIL organised Cays Christening... But OH comes from a religious (although very not in-your-face) family (Irish Catholic), whereas I'm from a "whatever" viewpoint. Before Cay was born, we spoke about what we'd do, and I basically handed the reins to him, because it genuinely didn't worry me. He wanted him Christened, MIL offered to organise it, and it was done. That was a good thing for me.

I'm also extraordinarily laid back, but I also like to know what's going on, like, plan my day out each morning. Nothing time restrained, or in any way rigid, just, "we're going here and here, and they're coming over later". That's good enough for me. Even then, OH doesn't just make plans without checking. He'll always say like "so-and-so said about going to theirs on Saturday, what do you think?". I always agree, 'cause I'm happy with whatever, but he still checks with me first because... I don't really know why... It's polite, I suppose.

I wish you the best of luck... Is he due home soon? I hope you don't have to sit and stew on this for too long xx

 

[kat1988]

he should b home any min, actually he should have been home by 10 past which means he's gone to his parents house first to avoid doing the night feed and probably in the hope that I'll be asleep by the time he gets in.

 

[Emamay]

Omg...

Serious talk time.

Is this normal for him or since baby arrived? (I mean all of it, not just the late home bit) xx

 

[talulahgosh]

Oh lovely. Does your husband realise? I mentioned this the other day but my husband is such a dozy airhead that he decides to do things, buy things, arrange things and assumes they are great ideas and doesn't ever stop to think it might not be the best idea. He doesn't do it because he is mean, just completely lacking in common sense.

I think it is time to stop and stand up for yourself, maybe once you do that those around you will stop arranging everything for you.

You are often in my thoughts. X

 

[kat1988]

yes he knows, for example I told him I didn't want to move into a house without even seeing it...so he makes the final arrangements anyway, I asked him yesterday afternoon to talk to me about things that affect me first before telling his family, then his brother turned up demand a set of keys and wouldn't tell me y.

there was plenty of yelling last night and I hope it's sorted now, can't undo what he's already done but hopefully he'll stop making arrangements for me and I've told him he needs to tell his family the same, and he's going to be putting all money for bills into our joint account and changing the direct debits so I can see what's going on with all the bills and he can't spend it without me knowing, seen as I found out he'd spent the money met for our food on general nothingness I think that was a smart move!

don't get me wrong he doesn't mean todo these things maliciously, it just doesn't sink in!