Fertility medical staff- kind or dismissive?!

Discussion in 'Long Term TTC & Fertility Issues' started by Blueflower, Jul 8, 2013.

  1. Blueflower

    Blueflower Well-Known Member

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    Do you think medical staff who deal with fertility issues get any special training on how to be sympathetic, to reassure people when dealing with such a sensitive issue and not make them feel like freaks?!

    I’ve had some positive and some negative experiences.

    Negative experiences include when I went to get my 21 day blood results and had already been told by the receptionist that they were normal, the GP saying I wasn’t ovulating and handing me a leaflet on infertility. (This was after I’d just seen my neighbour swan out with a pregnancy confirmation when they hadn’t even been trying, so it was pretty devastating!) A nurse advising on holiday vaccinations saying that I might want to travel once I’ve finished having IVF (was she implying it wouldn’t work?! Because why would I be travelling if I was pregnant?!) A doctor at the hospital saying helpfully to me “we need to establish if you are slowly entering the menopause”!!!!

    Positive experiences include a female doctor actually comforting me when my HSG didn’t work, a nurse going out of her way to photocopy some results for me, a kind nurse helping me to the car when I felt dizzy after the lap and dye, a different hospital doctor reassuring me that a borderline result probably meant that the test was done a bit early.

    Any other good ones?! :???:
     
  2. nicejuicypear

    nicejuicypear Well-Known Member

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    I find them mostly helpful but the nurse who scanned me when I had my miscarriage annoyed my partner. We'd gone in thinking things were fine only to find problems in the scan and she had to break the news. She then spent time going over it with me, repeatedly saying 'are you okay with that?', finishing up with, 'right so it's that okay now?' I was to stunned to notice but my dw said she felt like saying 'you've just told us our baby is not alive, what part of that should we be okay with?'. I know she didn't mean it like that but you'd think they would have a bit more of a clue on how to phrase it. They do so many scans there for treatments and all patients get an early pregnancy scan so they must have to break a lot of miscarriage news but it was as if she didn't know how to handle it.
     
  3. Blueflower

    Blueflower Well-Known Member

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    I suppose she meant “do you understand?”. “Are you ok with that” is totally inappropriate. They must be trained on how to phrase things like that.

    I meant to add that being told you are infertile, to me felt like someone has taken your future away from you and handed you back a blank sheet of paper with all your plans erased. I wish someone had said to me that it isn’t necessarily the end; that it still might happen. I’ve kind of realized that now, but at the time it felt horrendous. Since then I’ve heard it called Subfertility, meaning you aren’t fertile yet! I’ve read stories where ‘infertile’ couples eventually have a child, so they aren’t infertile after all! I suppose it can be easy to say the wrong thing unless you’ve been through it yourself but I’d like to think medical staff have some ‘bedside manner’ training even if the patients aren’t in bed!
     
  4. hayes

    hayes Well-Known Member

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    I have found so far that the fertility?pg people have been fab. But i have to say when i was gettin diagonsed with fibromyalgia bak im 2010 the docs and nurses werent so good then!!

    Often looking at me like i was wasting there time and making it up, why wud i make up in so much pain!! They took ages with loads of diff tests(that got lost!)and wudnt explain things properly, then got told yea you have fibromyalgia its a life long thing heres a leaflet just deal with it bascically!! Not good care at all.

    Michelle. x
     
  5. Clairabella

    Clairabella Well-Known Member

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    Our clinic have been fantastic the nurses are supportive and take time to fully explain the processes. The consultant is really down to earth which helps. X
     
  6. Blueflower

    Blueflower Well-Known Member

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    That sounds good! Good luck with your ET! :clover:
     
  7. Blueflower

    Blueflower Well-Known Member

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    Can't believe you are 12 weeks pregnant now! That went so quickly! x
     
  8. hayes

    hayes Well-Known Member

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    Yea sumtimes it feels long sumtimes so quick!! Really looking forward to nxt tues scan day!! Im so nervous too tho, want this so much i keep panicing that sumthing is guna go wrong and that my dream is guna get snatched away!!

    Really hope you are joining me soon blueflower.

    Michelle. x
     
  9. Moley

    Moley Well-Known Member

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    At the fertility clinic I've found everyone great down to receptionist and most junior of staff. Really friendly and emphatic. My GP was ok too but rest of GP staff were a quite meh.
     
  10. Blueflower

    Blueflower Well-Known Member

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    At the private fertility clinic I've found that all the staff are very kind, professional and have more time to chat and reassure me than the NHS hospital staff who tended to be looking at the clock if I asked another question! However our GP agreed to do our Hep & HIV blood tests there to save us having to pay, which was very nice!
     
  11. FBTTN8079

    FBTTN8079 Well-Known Member

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    Hey hon I've had a not bad experience so far although sub-fertility does grate a little and our "sub-fertility"
    Clinic is right next door to the scanning and dopplar so while you waiting for your appointment your watching all women with their bumps walking past and are hearing all the new baby heartbeats gut wrenching ! X


    BabyDust *****

     
  12. Blueflower

    Blueflower Well-Known Member

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    That must be awful. I'd hate to be getting a scan of an empty uterus along with women getting scans of their babies.
     
  13. Browneyed Girl

    Browneyed Girl Well-Known Member

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    My scan to check my uterus is 'normal' was done at the same unit that does the 12 and 20 week scans so I had to queue at the sane window as the pg ladies surrounded by info about baby scans. I was very surprised by this - to me that displayed no sensitivity whatsoever. I held it together but I imagine other ladies may break down at that.

    xx


     
  14. nicejuicypear

    nicejuicypear Well-Known Member

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    My clinic is private and only fertility based but when I had my miscarriage I had to go to the maternity unit. I know for practicalities, you need to be where the scanners are but it's a cruel thing to make you have to do.
     
  15. Blueflower

    Blueflower Well-Known Member

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    [/QUOTE]

    My scan to check my uterus is 'normal' was done at the same unit that does the 12 and 20 week scans so I had to queue at the sane window as the pg ladies surrounded by info about baby scans. I was very surprised by this - to me that displayed no sensitivity whatsoever. I held it together but I imagine other ladies may break down at that.
    xx
    [/QUOTE]


    Yes I had this whole scenario fantasised that when I went for my scan to check my uterus was normal, I’d be sitting with all these excited pregnant women comparing their scan photos and one of them would say to me “aren’t you excited about seeing your baby?” and I’d scream “THERE ISN’T ANY BABY!”

    Whilst it was interesting to see my uterus on the screen & it looked like it does in the diagrams, I’d always imagined the first time I saw it there would be a baby in it! :-(
     
    #15 Blueflower, Aug 9, 2013
    Last edited: Aug 9, 2013
  16. Browneyed Girl

    Browneyed Girl Well-Known Member

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    Aw it's a horrible situation to be in when you know that other people will think you're there for the same happy reason that they are but only you and the staff know that you're not. I felt very self conscious.

    My fantasy was that I'd have the scan and they'd find I was already pregnant, I swear a small part of me had actually started to believe that might come true.

    xx


     
  17. Blueflower

    Blueflower Well-Known Member

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    Oh I had that one as well! I expect others have too!
     

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