Feeling low about being early?

Sarah13

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I know my baby wasnt really premature as he was only a month early but I'm finding it hard to accept somehow. I really wasn't mentally or physically ready and it didnt even cross my mind he could come sooner, my daughter was 8 days late. I just keep looking at him and feeling like he should still be in my tummy and not in amongst the mess of my house (we're doing a loft conversion). I feel silly for even feeling this way, as he's healthy and doing great, he also doesn't care about the state of the house.

I also keep wondering if it was somehow my fault as my placenta was deteriorated and not very healthy so its probably why he came when he did but I don't smoke, didn't drink, ate healthily and stayed fit so I don't know why it was deteriorated.
 
Don't blame yourself. Babies come when they are ready. You need to come to terms with this soon or else you will spend your whole maternity leave thinking you did something wrong when you should be enjoying him xxxx


 
Your right, time goes so quick when they are new born as well, think my hormones are still all over the place. my hubby is happy he's early as it means he gets to spend more time with him which is good.
 
I felt that I'd been cheated out of a natural birth, I was mentally prepared for it and ended up with an emergency section. Took me a few months to realise it wasn't my fault and that she came out safely xx


 
It's hard when you have things planned out in your mind and they go in a completely opposite direction. I didnt think id be quite so bothered. I was planning this lovely pool birth at home with all the work done and the house looking nice etc, I didn't want to go near the hospital but in the end I know it was the right place to make sure he was ok.
 
No matter how prem your baby is, it's such a hard thing to get your head around. My daughter is nearly 1yo (born at 23+6), and I still fell like this. I have experienced lots of emotions throughout the past year, guilt, sadness, happiness, elation, relief, but most of all pride. Although the guilt niggles away at me most, and reduces me to tears every time. I had pprom at 23+3 due to an undetected urine infection, so not exactly something I should feel guilty about, but I was meant to keep her safe, and I didn't do that, I failed, big time.

How is your wee boy getting on? Enjoy every second of him. xx
 
Emsmith, your baby certainly is a little miricale! It's strange how we can feel so guilty even though we didn't do anything wrong. He's doing great as well, I think I'm still getting over the shock! Suppose we all read these books and go on the Internet etc then expect text book pregnancies and births!
 
Especially since your daughter was a full termer. My other children too were full term, big chunky babies. My youngest boy was born at 38 weeks and was 10lb 9oz, so for Anya to come so early and be so tiny was a huge shock. I definitely think having a preemie, makes you appreciate everything so much more. Perhaps a blessing in disguise. I'm not sure if you have read this poem, but thought you might like it. :)

How Preemie Mum's Are Chosen


Somehow, I visualize God hovering over Earth, selecting his instruments for propagation with great care and deliberation.
As he observes, he instructs his angels to take notes in a giant ledger.
"Beth Armstrong, son. Patron Saint, Matthew".
"Marjorie Forrest, daughter. Patron Saint, Celia. Carrie Rutledge, twins. Patron Saint ... give her Gerard. He's used to profanity".
Finally, he passes a name to an angel and smiles. "Give her a preemie".
The angel is curious. "Why this one, God? She's so happy".
"Exactly", smiles God. "Could I give a premature baby a mother who knows no laughter? That would
be cruel".
"But does she have the patience?" asks the angel.
"I don't want her to have too much patience, or she'll drown in a sea of self-pity and despair. Once
the shock and resentment wear off, she'll handle it. I watched her today.
She has that sense of self and independence so rare and so necessary in a mother.
You see, the child I'm going to give her has a world of its own.
She has to make it live in her world, and that's not going to be easy".
"But Lord, I don't think she even believes in you."
God smiles. "No matter, I can fix that. This one is perfect. She has just the right amount of
selfishness".
The angel gasps, "Selfishness?! Is that a virtue?"
God nods. "If she can't separate herself from the child occasionally, she will never survive. Yes, here
is a woman whom I will bless with a child less than perfect.
She doesn't know it yet, but she is to be envied.
She will never take for granted a spoken word.
She will never consider a step ordinary. When her child says 'mama' for the first time, she
will be witness to a miracle and know it.
I will permit her to see clearly the things I see – ignorance, cruelty, prejudice – and allow her to rise
above them.
She will never be alone.
I will be at her side every minute of every day of her life because she is doing my work as surely as
she is here by my side".
"And what about her Patron Saint?" asks the angel, his pen poised in the air.
God smiles.
"A mirror will suffice".
 
Thanks emsmith, that's a nice poem, makes you think! Guess you just assume your babies will all be late and same size. He's been loosing weight and still jaundiced as well, hopefully it wont last long though as I know it's common for early babies plus I'm breast feeding.
 
i too am struggling. even 5 months on. having had a c section 8 weeks early i feel robbed of the labour. and skin to skin. Edie went straight into an incubator an i didnt see her for 48 hours as i was so ill. when i did see her it was only for 20 mins as i felt so poorly. then i got a tummy bug and didnt see her for 2 more days. this still hurts :(
 
my placenta gave up the ghost too so my LO was 2 weeks early. but i think of it as a good thing as i know every last bit of goodness went into my LO, and was not wasted in the placenta
 
i too am struggling. even 5 months on. having had a c section 8 weeks early i feel robbed of the labour. and skin to skin. Edie went straight into an incubator an i didnt see her for 48 hours as i was so ill. when i did see her it was only for 20 mins as i felt so poorly. then i got a tummy bug and didnt see her for 2 more days. this still hurts :(

No wonder you have struggled after what you went through, I hope you manage to put it behind you and look forward x
 
my placenta gave up the ghost too so my LO was 2 weeks early. but i think of it as a good thing as i know every last bit of goodness went into my LO, and was not wasted in the placenta

That a good way to look at it, I just felt bad that my body (placenta) hadn't done what it was meant to up until my due date, I'm letting it go now though and getting over the initial shock!
 

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